Daylight saving commenced this morning in most Australian States with exceptions being Quensland and the Northern Territory
All the wowsers, do gooders , the faded curtains, children won't sleep and the cows can't be milked brigade now start their annual whinge, backed up by near sighted politicans and sections of the media
Personally ,I love it and really enjoy the evenings during the summer
cartoon by Jason Chatfield from Loconut .com.au
Do you remember that great colour TV advert that appeared on TV some months back
Well. here it is
And here is a spoof [parody] on that advert
[pinched from "Mad Baggage']
Homeless Teddy Bear
"Hey ,you sure this is how us Bears are mean't to fish"
One day Harry the Bald Eagle waited at the nest for his partner of 10 years, Mary.
He went looking and found her. She had been shot dead by a hunter.
Harry was devastated.
After about six minutes of mourning, he decided he needed to get himself a new playmate,
even if he had to cross the feather barrier.
Eventually he found a lovely Dove and brought her back to the nest.
The sex was okay, but all the Dove wanted to say was
"I'm a Dove, and I want to love; I'm a Dove, and I want to love."
This got on Harry's nerves, so he booted the Dove and went looking once again.
He found a very sexy Loon and brought her back to the nest.
Once again the sex was great, but all the Loon would say is
"I am a Loon, and I want to spoon. I am a Loon and I want to spoon."
Unnerved once again, Harry booted the Loon and went looking once again.
This time he found a Duck to bring back to the nest.
Again the sex was great, but all the Duck would say was.
...No, the Duck didn't say that.
What's wrong with you?
What the Duck said was,
"I am a Drake, and you made a big mistake!"
THE NICEST THINGS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark
to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate
how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM.
It could be a right number.
13. Think about this ... No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when his team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES
running around with misshapen tattoos?
(And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonald’s one cold winter evening.
They looked out of place amid the young families
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.
The little old man walked up to the cash register,
The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.
He placed one half in front of his wife.
Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles
He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip
Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - ”
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn’t eaten a thing.
She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.
A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.
The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.
As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin,
After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady,
[Thanks Josie Jamieson]
"Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager.
All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough
time considering how their online names might appear ... and be misread.
1. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent
2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
5. There's the Italian Power Generator company,
6. And don't forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in New South Wales ,
7. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always
8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is
9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site,
[Sent in by Fred Rea...thanks Fred]
ITALIAN PASTA DIET --
1.. You walka pasta da bakery.
2.. You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.
You will lose weight!
[pinched from Gordon Hamiltons club bulletin]
How many Mice does it take to screw in a light bulb????
What do you call seagulls who live by the sea??????
[thanks Geoff Collins]
For the lovers of Irish Music