Funny Man Jim Carrey with some of his zany humour for New Year
HAPPY NEW YEAR .......in English!
SOME GOLDEN OLDIES
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself. [That's a story that lens itself.]
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
His parents thought he was a budding genius, but he turned out to be a blooming idiot.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
Cartoon of the Week
For all those Docker supporters out there
Eye Test For Senior Men
Clever business signs
At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Plumber's Shop: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On the trucks of a Plumbing Company: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call us."
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
Am going to end the year with three songs from my No 1 Female singer
Speak to the Sky
Keep a dream in your Pocket
Time and Again