Saturday, June 27, 2009


This is the last post for about a month as I am heading off to USA/Canada
for some holidays and to catch up with a few friends
Phils Phun will return early in August

Airline travel can be fun but very tiresome
Ican't afford business class ,nor economy class
so I have decided to travel no class


Lost your job??
Applying for another??
Don’t take no for an answer
This gem is perfect for todays economy.

So this goes out to all of those individuals that have lost their jobs but not their sense of humor.

“Dear ……,
Thank you for your letter rejecting my application for employment with your firm.
I have received rejections from an unusually large number of well qualified organizations.

With such a varied and promising spectrum of rejections from which to select,

it is impossible for me to consider them all.

After careful deliberation, then, and because a number of firms have found me more unsuitable, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your rejection.
Despite your company’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants,

I find that your rejection does not meet with my requirements at this time.

As a result, I will be starting employment with your firm on the first of the month.
Circumstances change and one can never know when new demands for rejection arise. Accordingly, I will keep your letter on file in case my requirements for rejection change.

Please do not regard this letter as a criticism of your qualifications in attempting to refuse me employment. I wish you the best of luck in rejecting future candidates.





A man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her,

"Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

"Oh, Daddy," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the father.....

"You can Take her with you!!!"


Modern technology


Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications thatMake me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore
.Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God,I still have my driver's license.


See how you go!!
I know bugger all about Golf but scored one over par????

Play Here

1. A below par performance is considered good.
2. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and beer.
3. It is much easier to find the sweet spot
.4. Foursomes are encouraged.
5. You can still make money doing it as a senior
.6. Three times a day is possible.
7. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else
.8. You can do it every day.
9. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you are finished
10. BEST OF ALL...
If your equipment gets old and rusty you can replace it




Five Englishmen are walking along the Thames, discussing terms of venery.
(Terms of venery are names for groups of animals, such as
“pod” of whales or “exaltation” of larks.)
They see three English prostitutes, and wonder what the term of venery is for them.
The first English gentleman says, “A fanfare of strumpets.”
The second says, “No, it’s a trey of tarts.”
The third says, “No, a volume of Trollope’s.”
The fourth says, “Nope, a pride of loins.”
The fifth says, “No, I say it’s an anthology of English prose.”

stolen from Archies Archive




In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia.
Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then,
and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household.
As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day,
in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace,
the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their country.
One of the topics of conversation was the Grand Canyon in Colorado.
Of course, the American were quite boastful about this being the largest canyon in the world, when suddenly, from the head of the table, the Czar stood up,and made an announcement.
“In Russia,” he said, “we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!”
Now no-one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar,
but of course no-one believed him either.
Finally, the American president stood up, and said “Okay. Let’s see this canyon then.”
So an expedition was organised.
Of course, their destination was way out in the remote wilderness,
and they only had horses to travel with, so the going was slow.
But eventually, after several weeks grueling journey,
they finally arrived at where the canyon was supposed to be.
But there wasn’t one. Not even a little one.
And then it dawned on everyone –
he had been using Czar chasm to make them look stupid.

stolen from Archies Archive

Bill had been getting progressively more bald at a very young age,
and it was depressing him quite a bit.
Eventually, he decided to get a wig,
and the following evening he came into the pub looking 10 years younger,
with a full head of jet black hair.
The locals admired his new look, and complimented him on how realistic it looked.
Eventually, Joe asked him for a closer look, and, though slightly embarrassed,
he slipped the wig off and handed it over.
However, as soon as Joe took the wig, he began to complain about everything:
the weather, his job, the quality of the pint, anything and everything you could think of.
Puzzled by this irresistable urge to moan, he handed the wig to Tom to give back to Bill,
and suddenly his normal good humour re-asserted itself.
Tom, however, even in the few seconds he had the wig in his hands,
had already announced to the pub that his wife was useless: couldn't cook,
and was ferociously dirty around the house, but not, unfortunately, when she got to bed.
Again, as soon as he had handed the wig back to Bill, the torrent of complaints dried up,
and he was his old cheerful self again.
The three friends, completely confused and puzzled,
were starting to discuss what on earth had happened,
when the barman leant across the counter towards them,
and told them not to worry about it.
"Why?" they asked.
"Ah, 'tis perfectly natural, lads!" he said.
"Sure doesn't everybody complain when they have Bill's toupee?"





Wedding Photo's


A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school.
He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions,
then shared with them this fun fact:
"There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand,
"But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered,
"is when we use your language."


Max Merritt & The Meteors' promo-video for the hit single 'Slippin' Away'
taken from the 1976 album 'Out Of The Blue'.
Max Merritt's career dates back to the mid-50's in New Zealand.
His band the Meteors had been through various incarnations
before disbanding in the early 1980's.


............................somebody's excited

Phils Philosophy

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Its almost time to go on holidays.
Will post once more before heading off to Canada/USA


Gilbert Becaud


Trick To Get An Apartment

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in.
Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family!
After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Bill found a place that was ideal.
The landlord asked him, "How many children do you have?"
Bill answered with a deep sigh, "Seven . . . but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."
He got the apartment!

Kiwi Humour

By Popular demand


Little Johnny went to his first school dance.

He didn't know if he would ever get up the nerve to ask a girl out to dance.
As the night went on everybody was dancing except Little Johnny.

He just sat in the corner looking at everyone having fun.
Finally as the last song started to play Little Johnny spotted two
very cute girls across the room sitting at their table.

He walked over and asked one if she would like to dance.

She looked him up and down and said

"I am sorry but I am very particular with whom I dance with."
Little Johnny being the smart boy that he is, replied,

"You can dam will see that I am not."



Gotta love Dusty


A fellow, who frequently left the office to play golf,

instructed his secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.
After he left the office, a member of his foursome forgot which
course they were playing that day, and called for information.

The loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.
"Just tell me," the golfer persisted,

"Is he five miles away from his desk, twenty miles away from his desk,

or thirty miles away from his desk?"




You wouldn't get me standing on this


Guy who stutters
This guy who stutters badly, walks into a bar, and says,
"Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer".
The Bartender, who is badly humpbacked, serves him a beer
and says, "That will be $2.50 please."
The guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says,
"Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"
The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price."
The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, "Sssay!
bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease."
The bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says, "That
will be $5.00 please."
The guy says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"
The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price."
The guy pays him, drinks his whiskey and, before leaving
says, "Bbbartender, tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of
my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere."
The bartender replies, "Oh that's OK. I want to thank you
for not making fun of my humpback while you were in here."
The guy says "Oh ttthat's OK. Eeverything else in tthis
ppplace wwas so hhhigh, I ttthougt it wwas yyour ass."


Mama Tried



McDonalds in Pakistan



Phils Philosophy


All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site are

understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them

and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at