Phils Phun

2012-01-25T20:54:00.006+08:00

482

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January 26th

thanks Joe B

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Topical

Italian Cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino began his new job as a bus driver yesterday....

thanks Gordon H

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Doesn't take long, does it!..............

A man phones an Airfix model shop and says,

"Have you got a model of an Italian cruise liner?"

"Yes", replies the owner.

That's great!", says the man,

"Can you put it on one side for me?"

The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds me of a comment made by Churchill.

After his retirement he was cruising the Mediterranean

on an Italian cruise liner and some Italian journalists asked

why an ex British Prime Minister should chose an Italian ship.

There are three things I like about being on an Italian cruise ship said Churchill.

First their cuisine is unsurpassed

. Second their service is superb.

And then, in time of emergency,

there is none of this nonsense about women and children first.

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Schwartz and Feldman, partners in the garment industry,

had just suffered through their worst season ever.

Eight thousand madras sports coats were hanging on the rack unsold,

and bankruptcy was looming closer each day.

Out of the blue, in walked a buyer from Australia.

"I saythere," he began

"you boys wouldn't happen to have any madras sports coats, would you?

I've been looking for them everywhere."

Schwartz said there MIGHT be a few left,

and soon a deal was made whereby the eight thousand jackets

would be shipped to Australia at a handsome profit.

"There is one thing though," said the Australian buyer.

"For an order this large,

I'll have to get a confirmation from my home office.

I don't anticipate any problem,

and unless I send you a telegram by this Friday,

the deal goes through as planned."

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed slowly,

with the partners nervously waiting to see if the Australian

would change his mind.

Friday morning went by without incident.

Schwartz and Feldman were closing up shop when,

at five minutes to five, there was a knock on the door: .....

"Telegram!"

The partners froze.

Trembling, Feldman grabbed the telegram

and opened it

. Suddenly, his face lit up.

"Schwartz,

GREAT NEWS! Your brother died!"

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Who said Canadians don't like to brag!!

thanks David T

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If you don't laugh some thing is wrong with you!!!

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.

My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said,

"God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food,

and I would even thank you more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert.

And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby,

I heard a woman remark,

"That's what's wrong with this country.

Kids today don't even know how to pray.

Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me,

"Did I do it all wrong? Is God cross with me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job,

and God was certainly not mad at him,

an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson and said,

"I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grand-son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added\

(indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing),

"Too bad she never asks God for ice cream.

A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal.

My grandson stared at his for a moment,

and then did something I will remember for the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word,

walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he told her,

"Here, this is for you.

Shove it up your arse you grumpy old bitch! "

thanks Gordon H

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i wish i was a teddy bear!!

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Take the bus

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thanks Toni S

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Those Funny Animals

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Why people go south in the winter

thanks Liz Z

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Signs and Posters

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Blonde golfer

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning. Finally the pro asks her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and deter- mines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

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Gotta love this

Watch until the end

Best viewed in full screen

Lovefield

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A termite walked into this pub and asked: “Is the bar tender here?”

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Not a morning person!!

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Two faced

This video is fresh (for the public).

It was made just six weeks ago in the Atlantic,

just off Virginia Beach (Hampton Roads), Virginia .

These are the latest sea trials of the F-35B on the USS Wasp.

They were very successful, with 74 VL's and STO's in a three week period.

The media and the program critics had predicted

that we would burn holes in the deck and wash sailors overboard

. Neither of which happened.

You will notice a sailor standing on the bow of the ship as the jet rotates.

That was an intentional part of the sea trials.

The USS Wasp is an amphibious assault ship

designed to embark a Marine Expeditionary Unit.

It is capable of simultaneously supporting rotary

and fixed wing STOVL aircraft and amphibious landing craft operations.

For this test deployment the USS Wasp was outfitted

with special instrumentation to support and measure the unique operating environment

as the F-35B conducted short takeoffs and vertical landings.

No catapult...... No hook ............

The shape and scope of warfare – worldwide – just changed.

view in full screen and enjoy

thanks Kitty L

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Clever stuff!

Write your name and get to see it in the tattoo!
Enter your name in the screen that appears and then watch!
Click

HERE

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Cities of the world by population inhabitants

thanks Kitty L

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Blonde golfer

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.
Finally the pro asks her what she wants.
"I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.
The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs,
and finally calls the manufacturers and deter-
mines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.
As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her,
"Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?"
"Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

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Don't Blink

thanks Liz Z

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

2012-01-21T13:11:00.001+08:00

481

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The English Language

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At the Duplex

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Sports Bloopers

Soccer

thanks Gordon H

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Topical

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I used to work in an art supply store.

We sold artists’ canvas by the yard,

and you could get it in either of two widths:

36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: “Can you please cut some canvas for me?”

Me: “Certainly, what width?”

Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) “Scissors?”

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Those Funny Animals

thanks Kitty L

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A Chinese guy goes to a Jew to buy black bras, size 38D.

The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman,

says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.

Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese guy buys twenty-five pair.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty bras.

The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later.

This time, he buys the Jew’s remaining stock of fifty,

and this time he is charged $75.00 each.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38D bras

and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me --

What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers

, "I cut them in half and sell them as yarmulkes to Jewish men for $200.00 each."

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thanks Don H

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A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maître d’

that there will be at least a twenty minute wait and would he like to wait in the bar.

He goes into the bar and the bartender says,

“What’ll it be?”

The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says,

“Once upon time was four little pig.”

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Confucius Say

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Confucius Say

Bad singers break into song because they can't find the key.

Confucius Say

The wise speak when they have something to say,

the fools speak when they have to say something.

Confucius Say

If you worry about yesterday's failures, todays successes will be few.

Confucius Say

The greatest fault is to be conscious of none.

Confucius Say

He who thinks by the inch and talks by the yard deserves to be kicked by the foot.

Confucius Say

A woman can humiliate any man by simply saying "Hold my purse."

Confucius Say

An Egotist a person more interested in himself than in me.

Confucius Say

When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of hacking at the leaves.

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Interesting Graphs

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Living with two Women

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Country doctor

A country doctor was making a house call at a farm.

He spotted a well at the side of the house and walked over to it

. He leaned over to see how deep the well was,

but unfortunately he leaned too far and plunged to the bottom.

It took rescuers hours to pull him to safety.

When the ordeal was over the farmer remarked to the doctor,

"I hope you've learned your lesson."

"What lesson is that?"

"A doctor should tend to the sick and leave the well alone."

CROWBAR

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Spec Savers

thanks Toni

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Mississippi

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Seniors

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1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly

2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit,

so eat as many as you want.

3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.

The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.

It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge.

Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate,

is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

9. Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?

A. Because no one wants to quit.

10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.

That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place.

Isn't that handy?

12. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.

But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

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thanks Shelagh N

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

2012-01-17T19:07:00.002+08:00

480

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Christmas 2019

thanks Gordon H

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thanks Jayne M

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Ronald Reagan

thanks David T

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Texan Pig Farmer

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WINNING

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Seniors

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'senior's' special'

was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49 because you're ordering a la carte,'

the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said..

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.

She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

They have been around the block more than once!

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Referee Training

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A man was walking down the street when he was approached

by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man

who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,

"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.

"I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens' fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money.

Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay.

It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

thanks Shelagh N

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Seen in Canada

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Those Funny Animals

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My Cat

thanks Liz Z

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3 beers in 37 seconds

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Cowboy Test

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A man called the phone company to complain about his listing in the directory.

"I told you that my last name is Sweady," he said,

"but you have it listed as Cyirwu."

"I'm sorry, sir," the phone company rep said.

"I'll fix it so it'll be correct the next time we publish the directory.

Now how do you spell your name?"

"Just like I told you before," the customer said.

"It's S as in sea,

W as in why,

E as in eye,

A as in are,

D as in double-u

and Y as in you."

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Ankle Biters... [Kids]

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YIKES !!!

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Fun Facts

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Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina

and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said,

"Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high

and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

thanks Duke

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Mini Kenworth Truck

thanks Liz Z

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Some more Demotivators

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This is my Neighbour

thanks Kitty L

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

2012-01-12T16:43:00.002+08:00

479

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Australia and New Zealand

[only kidding NZ ....really]

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AMAZING TRACKS and PATHS

thanks Brett McG

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Absent-minded Professor

One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university

his wife told her absent-minded husband

, "Don't forget we are moving today.

If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty."

Predictably, he didn't remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon.

He mumbled to himself,

"And where was it we were moving to?"

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl,

"Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Would you know which way it went?"

She looked up at him and said,

"Yes, Daddy, I'll show you."

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The Delivery

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Those Funny Animals

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Dentist

Linda fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks,

and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters

in the dental clinic after hours.

But one day he said sadly, "Linda honey, we've got to stop seeing each other.

Your husband's bound to get suspicious."

"No way, sweetheart, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.

"Besides, we've been having a good time for six months now

and he doesn't suspect a thing."

"True," agreed the dentist

"but you're down to one tooth!"

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LAWYERS
My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations
that custom officials must follow.
But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story.

We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler.
The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?"
My boss stood up and proclaimed,
"I am the alligator, your honor."

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A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest,

in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe.

He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake

with a fire burning slowly underneath him.

He cries out for help,

and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen,

who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.

“But you don”t understand!” he cries,

“You can”t do this to me!

I”m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!”

“Ah,” replies the tribesman,

“Well look on the bright side.

Soon you will be editor-in-chief!”

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For the oldies out there!!

thanks Kitty L

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Family Xmas Snaps!!

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Global Warming

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thanks Gordon H

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On a recent trip to the Philippines, the President of the United States

was visiting Manila and taking in the sights.

He traveled throughout the city and was entertained by the artisans wherever he went.

At one particularly interesting stop,

he was impressed with the ability of a young man

who bent himself into the smallest of bundles

and crammed himself into small boxes and pots, time and time again.

"I simply have to know who that boy is," the president said.

"Sir," his aide replied.

"I'm surprised you don't already know him.

He's the original Manila folder."

Punny Restaurants

I dreamt I was drafted into the army, which at age forty,

was something of a surprise.

My drill sergeant at basic training was a big, mean tough career Army woman,

named Tina.

While climbing ropes I fell and broke my leg, but --

due to army regulations --

I was required to report to the infirmary without assistance.

As I was painfully limping away dragging a broken leg,

my Drill Sergeant became upset at the situation and nearly broke down.

I turned back towards her and said,

"Don't cry for me, Sergeant Tina!"

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Illusions

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scroll down for answers

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Only at the Walmart

the Walmart Song

thanks Gordon H

Some Demotivators

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Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling.

So when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them,

I had to set him straight.

I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f.

In case you've forgotten,

spell checker comes free with your software."

A minute later, I got this reply.

"Mine must be dephective."

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Bad Luck

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Isn't parenting fun!!!

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Linda Ronstadt

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

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2012-01-07T17:26:00.003+08:00

478

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Canada for President

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Meanwhile in England

Meanwhile in Pakistan

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Meanwhile in Australia

Former Prime Minister Bob Hawke’s famed drinking abilities

have made it onto YouTube after he downed a beer

in one go at the cricket this week.

The video, posted on the video sharing website yesterday,

shows the 82-year-old being offered a beer by punters

at the SCG during the Australia vs. India match on Wednesday.

A crowd of onlookers cheers and shouts as he downs the full cup in one go.

Mr Hawke famously set a new world speed record for drinking beer

when he drank a yard glass, the equivalent of 2 ½ pints, in 11 seconds

when he was at university.

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The Game of Cricket explained!!

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Barack Obama got out of the shower and was drying off

when he looked in the mirror and noticed

that he was white from the neck to the top of his head.

In a sheer panic and fearing he was turning white all over,

he called his doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately.

After an examination,

the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid,

gave it to Barack and told him to drink it all.

Barack drank the concoction and said,

"That tasted like bullshit!"

"It was." the doctor replied.

"You were a quart low."

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I am really concerned about North Korea's appointment of the "dear leader",

Kim Jung Ill's youngest son to be the new leader of North Korea -- a nuclear power!

After all, Kim Jung Un (pronounced Kim's young-un?)

had NO military experience whatsoever before daddy made him a four-star general in the military.

This is a snot-nose twerp who has never accomplished anything

in his life that that would even come close to military leadership:

he hasn't even so much as led a cub scout troop,

let alone coached a sports team or commanded a military platoon.

So, setting that aside, next they make him the "beloved leader" of the country.

Terrific!!!

Oh, crap! I'm sorry.

I just remembered that we did the same thing here,

We took a community organizer who has never worn a uniform

and made him Commander-in-Chief; a

guy who has never led anything more than an ACORN demonstration

and made him the leader of this country.

Never mind.

thanks Kitty L

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some truths about inventions

And Michael Jackson did not invent the Moonwalk

[see at 50 sec point]

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Breast Implants

thanks Wayne W

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Those Funny Animals

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A woman asks her husband to do some shopping.

“Please buy a case of Bud Light and, if they have eggs, get six.”

After a while the husband returns with six cases of Bud. His wife asks him,

“Why did you get six cases of Bud?”

He answers, “They had eggs.”

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Tom and Sophie Hanks

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The best Sleight of hand Magic

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A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maître d’

that there will be at least a twenty minute wait

and would he like to wait in the bar.

He goes into the bar and the bartender says,

“What’ll it be?”

The man replies, “Give me a Stoli with a twist.”

The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says,

“Once upon time was four little pig.”

Scientists were perplexed by the sudden deviation in the migratory patterns

of arctic terns as they flew over southern California.

Seems they always strayed offcourse as soon as they hit the state line.

The scientists thought that maybe they were being affected

by all the pot smoke in the air.

So they decided to perform a test.

They gathered a bunch of terns

and had them fly through a tent of burning marijuana

to see if it made them disoriented.

After seeing no change, they decided to fly them through again.

And they flew them through yet a third time to make sure they left

"no tern unstoned."

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Watch this multiple times

Watch closely at the tail of the plane for the lightning strike.

Then replay it and watch the front landing gear.

You’ll need to watch it a few times;

it’s only about 11 seconds.

Three key things/areas to watch –

first, watch the tail of the aircraft as the bolt hits the vertical stab.

Then, look just to your left of the nose gear.

That brown square on the ground is a metal plate

embedded in the concrete with a small manhole cover.

The strike exits onto the metal plate and sends the manhole cover

flying through the air toward the tug on the far left.

thanks Gordon H

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A thunderstorm hit Melbourne on Xmas Day

But nothing stops these blokes

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KIDS

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A rich man walks into the Dean's Office at a small college.

"I'd like to donate several million dollars to the institution."

"Why, that's very generous of you."

"But there is one condition:

I'd like you to bestow an honorary degree."

"That's no problem; no problem at all."

"I haven't finished.

I want an honorary degree for my horse."

"Your horse?"

"Yup, you bet. She carried me for many a year and I owe her a lot

. I'd like her to receive her Tr.d. - Doctor of Transportation."

"I'm sorry, we can't give a degree to a horse.

What will people think?"

"Well, I'll just take my donation to another educational institution."

"Wait, wait! Let me consult with the school trustees."

The dean calls a hurried trustee meeting and relays the details of the deal.

All of the board except the oldest member reacts with shock and dismay.

The oldest trustee looks like he's sleeping through the meeting.

After all the arguments, the old man says,

"Take the money and give the horse the degree."

"What? Don't you think that would disgrace the college?"

"We give honorary degrees to lawyers, don't we?"

"Yes, but ..."

"We give honorary degrees to politicians, don't we?"

"Yes ..."

"So what's wrong with giving an honorary degree to the entire horse?"

Well, Ted, you're certainly coming up in the world.

What's the idea of playing golf with not one, but two caddies?"

"Oh, it was my wife's idea."

"Your wife?"

"Yeah," answers Ted. "She thought I should spend more time with the kids."

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Four Old Golfers Hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer, too" one of the others agreed.

"The sand traps seem bigger than I remember," the third friend said.

Having heard enouogh, the oldest and wisest of the foursome -

and

87-year-old man- piped up:

"Quit your griping and just be thankful

we're still on the right side of the grass!"

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A buddy and I were golfing one afternoon

and getting somewhat bored with the round;

so when we came upon the water hazard

with two ducks sitting quietly on the water,

I bet him ten bucks he couldn't hit a duck

and five dollars he couldn't even get one to move.

Being a guy, he took the bet.

He launched four tee shots toward the ducks,

and even threw two by hand,

and the ducks still wouldn't budge.

Only after he lost six golf balls did he realize the ducks were decoys.

thanks Toni S

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Ronnie Milsap and Ray Charles

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

2012-01-03T17:29:00.001+08:00

477

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Imagine

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thanks David T

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thanks Liz Z and Duke

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Top Sports Video

classic footage

thanks Kitty L

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Enjoy......... Alberta Canada

best viewed .. full screen

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A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine.

The doctor asks him about his sex life.

"Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest.

The wife ain't all that interested anymore,

so I just cruise around.

In the past week I was able to pick-up and bed at least three girls,

none of whom were over thirty years old."

"My goodness Frank, and at your age too," the doctor said.

"I hope you took at least some precautions."

"Yep. I may be old, but I ain't senile yet, doc.

I gave 'em all a phony name."

thanks Toni S

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Hyundai

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Those Funny Animals

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thanks Toni S

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My boss phoned me today.

He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control.It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot,

I'm in the foursome behind you."

Odd places to live

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These dancers walk so fast without making sounds on the dance floor

or tripping over their dresses?

Wow simply amazing!

Berezka means a birch tree in Russian.

The ensemble was founded in 1948

and since then they have become a symbol of Russia.

Each concert starts with a circle dance in which the dancers

seem to be standing still while the stage under their steps seems to be moving.

Upon joining the ensemble,

dancers are told to keep the famous ‘floating step’ technique a secret.

The secret of this step is kept secret.

The ensemble is formed by choreographer Nadezhda Nadezhdina

who once explained that the core of any dance

is the poetic image of a young maiden.

“The mystery lies not in the step but in the emotional state!”

best viewed full screen

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A traveling salesman was driving through the marshy Louisiana countryside one night

when he missed a turn and found himself in a ditch.

There was nothing around but he saw a light at the end of a boardwalk

so that’s where he went.

The door was answered by a man

who said that there was not much they could do at night

but the salesman could stay at the house

and they would get the car out of the ditch in the morning.

The next morning the salesman awoke to see his host going out the door with a shotgun.

He asked where the guy was going and was told.

”Gonna get a rabbit for breakfast.

On the morning after you need some of the hare of the bog that ditched you

stolen from Archies Archives

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Slip of the tongue

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Anklebiters [Kids]

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Strong Vaccum

this video has been sent to me by a number of people

thank you all

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A Sad (But Touching) Story

I was rushing around trying to get the last-minute bargains before they were gone.

I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then.

It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot

as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy.

Then I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later.

So mumbling (very UN-Christmas like things) under my breath,

I retraced my steps to the mall entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt,

I heard a quiet sobbing.

The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about nine years old.

He was short and thin.

He had no coat.

He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand!

Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents,

I asked him what was wrong.

He told me his sad story.

He said that he came from a large family.

He had three brothers and four sisters.

His father had died when he was six years old.

His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs

. She made very little to support her large family.

Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars

to buy her children Christmas presents.

The young boy had been dropped off by his mother,

on the way to her second job.

He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings

and save just enough to take the bus home.

He had not even entered the mall,

when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar bills

and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.

The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.

"How loudly did you scream?" I inquired.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help

. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

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Who said Kids have all the fun???

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Jewish Commercial

thanks Toni S

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Can you read it??

Suzie meets up with Sandi as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.

Suzie asks, "Everything ok with your car now?"

"Yes, thank goodness" Sandi replies.

"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"

"Yeah I was, but he didn't. I was SO relieved

when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid."

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Vintage Charlie Chaplin

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Phils Philosophy

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The Tremeloes

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2011

thanks Kitty L

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

2011-12-30T19:19:00.002+08:00

476

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thanks Duke

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2011 in review

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links to some of the best pictures from 2011

bewarned that some of the photos are quite graphic

Best Photos of 2011

.Most Powerful Photos of 2011

stolen from Miss Cellania

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Action clips from 2011

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2012 Naked Fireman Calendar

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Heartwarming and lovely video...

As the piece starts, the pictures of Ireland are amazing,

but wait until you get to the two spoken parts!

Turn up speakers and enjoy

Click below

http://www.andiesisle.com/ThisBlessingIsForYou.html

thanks Kitty L

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Auld Lang Syne

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2012 PlayBoy Bunny Calendar

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Phils Philosophy

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You are a fluke of the Universe

2011-12-24T17:58:00.002+08:00

475

Pretty Paper

Six White Boomers

ssSix White sSBsSoomers

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thanks David T

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How to wrap your present

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A new Xmas song

best viewed full screen

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Yodelling "Jingle Bells' Cat

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Deck the Halls

best viewed full screen

thanks Kitty L

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Jingle Bell Goats

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stolen from Miss Cellania

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