115
It's Saturday night and nothing on telly, no footy to watch.
So, Imight as well put out the blog
Enjoy!!






Very clever Ad
Watch closely




Really cool pictures of ankle biters[Kids]

The reason there are so many Irish jokes is because the Irish have a quaint way with words.

· Like the Irish patient who hobbled into the Surgery's' waiting room."I hope to God the doctor finds something wrong with me because I'd hate to feel like this if I was well!"

· Murphy dropped dead the moment he arrived home from a vacation in the tropics.He was laid out in the coffin for friends and neighbours to pay their last respects."He's got a great tan," Mrs Doolan from next door mused. "The holiday did him the world of good.""And he looks so calm and serene," said Mrs McGuiness."That's because he died in his sleep." explained Mrs Murphy, "and he doesn't know he's dead yet, but when he wakes up, the shock will kill him!"

· "Your glass is empty O'Flaherty, will you be having another?""And why would I be wanting two empty glasses?" replied O'Flaherty.

· Murphy arrived home late from the pub, well oiled and ready for trouble."Is that you Murphy?" called his wife."Byjasis! It damned well better be!"

· Two tough union men were working on a building site when Murphy fell from the second floor scaffolding."Are ya dead?" cried Gallagher from above."To be sure I am," replied Murphy."You are such a liar Murphy that I don't know whether to believe you or not!" Called Gallagher."That proves I'm dead," said Murphy's voice from the rubble below, "because if I was alive you wouldn't be game to call me a liar!"

· Dublin's contestant in an international quiz was waiting for his first question."First, what's your name and occupation?" The compere asked."Pass", came the reply.

· PADDY... "If you can guess how many chooks I have in my bag, you can have both of them.""Three?"... Suggested Shaun.
· Paddy was coming through the customs at the airport carrying a large bottle."What have you there?" said a suspicious customs officer."Tis Lourdes holy water. I am bringing it home with me", said Paddy."The officer took the bottle and tried some." Why it's Irish whiskey!" he spluttered."Lord bless me!" said Paddy, "another bloomin`miracle."

· On his way home one night, Paddy dropped into the pub.The barman poured him a beer and asked if he wanted to be in a raffle."What's it for?" asked Paddy."It's for a poor widow with 13 kids." said the barman.Paddy shook his head, "No good for me. I'd never be able to keep them
.thanks Gordon Hamilton

Global Warming

A man died and was sent to hell.

A few seconds after his arrival, the Devil appeared in a cloud of smoke and said

“Why hello, welcome to Hell!

You’re just in time for dinner, please follow me.”
The man followed the Devil rather nervously, wondering what was going to happen,

and was surprized to find a table piled high with delicious food waiting for him.

Assuming this was his last good meal before hell started, he dug in.
When he was finished the Devil said, “Now allow me to show you to your quarters.”

The man sighed and reluctantly followed the Devil down a long hallway.

He could hear terrible blood-curdling screams coming from behind a door at the end of the hall. “Well,” he thought, “this is it.”
But to his surprize the Devil turned left at the the door,

and led him down another hallway and outside towards a magnificent beachhouse

with a Porsche in front.

When they got there the Devil handed the befuddeled man the keys to house and car,

wished him a nice stay and turned to leave.

The man couldn’t take it any longer.

He said to the Devil

“Excuse me, but I don’t understand. This is hell, and I’m being treated like a king!

What was behind the door we went past on the way here?

Is that what’s really in store for me?”

The Devil smiled and said,

“Why no, the room we went by is reserved for the Catholics.

They seem to want it that way.”

Cartoons
s

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before making passionate love, the wife tells the husband,

"Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."

The husband being shocked, replied,

"How's this possible? You've been married three times before."

The wife responds,

"Well, my first husband was a gynaecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it.

My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it.

Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was.

..oh, do I miss him!"



Why Heather Mills wants all that money!!!!

Barry wonders if having sex on the Sabbath

is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.

So Barry first of all goes to a catholic priest and asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says,

"My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work

and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

Barry thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?"

So he goes to a protestant minister,

who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.

Barry queries the minister and receives the same reply.

"Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath."

Not pleased with the replies, Barry then seeks out the ultimate authority:

a man of thousands of years’ tradition and knowledge.

In other words, he goes to a rabbi.

The rabbi ponders the question, then states,

"My son, sex is definitely play."

Barry replies,

"Thank goodness but rabbi, how can you be so sure

when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The rabbi softly speaks,

"If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it





Cool Advert for concrete

Two gentlemen are using the facilities at Grand Central Station in New York.

One gentleman says to the other,

"Are you from Borough Park?"

The other gentleman exclaims,

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

The first gentleman says,

"Do you belong to Temple Beth El?"

The second gentleman exclaims,

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

The first gentleman says,

"Is Rabbi Yablonobovitz, the mohel, still there?"

The second gentleman exclaims

"Yeah, how did you know that?"

The first gentleman answers,

"Because he always cuts on a slant,

and you're peeing on my shoe!"





Still more signs

I think this should read...Chilled Beer

Best ever Business card

looks almost like Stevie boys card!!!!!



Music

Today's clip was recorded in 1986

If you like Rock n Roll

Then you'll love this

It will give you goosebumps

Ray Charles, Fats Domino and Jerry Lee Lewis

114
Not much to comment on today, except that the Footy season is under way
and the Eagles won their first game

High Speed Police chase

With a difference

Make sure you watch it all the way thru

Easter has come and gone
Read this on Big Shot Bob From Texas

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE
I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together.

The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde,

Buffy, in great detail.

The robbery begins...
Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy,

"I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.

You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash.

Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," said Buffy.
Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.

One minute passes... Two minutes pass... Seven minutes pass...

and Judy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open!

And here comes Buffy.

She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.

About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car,

the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.

The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy says

"You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Buffy said, "I did... I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," said Judy.

"You got it all mixed up.

I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

COMPUTER CARTOONS

Two Jewish sisters-in-law meet on the street.

Ruth says to Golda,

"Such news I got for you, Golda! My Irving is finally getting married.

He tells me he is engaged to this vonderful Jewish girl,

but he thinks the poor darling may have some strange illness called herpes."

After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth,

"So, Ruthie, do you have any idea vat is this herpes, and can our Irving catch it?"

Ruth answers, "God forbid!

But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his engagement.

You know how ve've all vorried about him.

It's past time he's settled vith a nice girl.

As far as the herpes goes, who knows?"

"Vell...," Golda says,

"I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know, Ruthie.

I'll just run home right now and look it up and call you."

So, Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly,

"Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it.

Not to vorry!

It says herpes is a disease affecting the gentiles."

Super Size me

At the end of a tiny deserted bar sits a drunken Irishman
He’s having a few beers when a gay man walks in and sits beside him.

After three or four beers,

the gay fellow finally plucks up the courage to say something to the Irishman.

Leaning over towards him, he whispers,

"Do you want a blow job?"

At this the Irishman leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the crap out of him,

knocking him swiftly off his stool.

He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised

and battered in the parking lot and returns to his seat.

Amazed, the bartender quickly brings over another beer to the Irishman

. "I’ve never seen you react like that," he says.

"Just what did he say to you?"

"I don’t know," the Irishman replied.

"Something about a job."

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
Paddy the officer stops them and tells them:

“It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four”.
“Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the Englishman retorts disbelievingly.

“Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry five persons.”
You cannot pull that one on me,” replies Paddy

“Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.
“The Englishmen replies angrily,

“You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!”
“Sorry,” responds Paddy,

“Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.”







American Politics

A famous Viking explorer returned home after many months at sea.

He discovered his name had been removed from the town register.

So he complained to local officials.

Upon learning of the mistake, one official apologized profusely.

He said,
“I must have taken Leif off my census.”






Yet more signs............

Music

In the early seventies Jud Strunk composed a simple, but beautiful love song

'A Daisy a Day'

Following are two videos

The first is Jud singing his hit song

After watching the first, watch the second clip

This is a creative video of the same song

This is a very clever clip about the song

In between Ihave included the lyrics in case you want to have a sing a long

Jud Strunk..A Daisy a Day

Daisy a Day Words and music by Jud Strunk)

He remembers the first time he met her.

He remembers the first thing she said.

He remembers the first time he held her,

And the night that she came to his bed.

He remembers her sweet way of saying,

"Honey, has something gone wrong?"

He remembers the fun and the teasing,

And the reason he wrote her this song:

"I'll give you a daisy a day, dear.

I'll give you a daisy a day.

I'll love you until the rivers run still

And the four winds we know blow away.

"They would walk down the street in the evening,

And for years I would see them go by.

And their love that was more than the clothes that they wore,

Could be seen in the gleam of their eyes.

As a kid, they would take me for candy,

And I loved to go tagging along.

We'd hold hands while we walked to the corner,

And the old man would sing her his song:

"I'll give you a daisy a day, dear.

I'll give you a daisy a day.

I'll love you until the rivers run still

And the four winds we know blow away.

"Now he walks down the street in the evening,

And he stops by the old candy store.

And I somehow believe he's believing

He's holding her hand like before.

For he feels all her love walking with him,

And he smiles at the things she might say.

Then the old man walks up to the hilltop

And gives her a daisy a day

."I'll give you a daisy a day, dear.

I'll give you a daisy a day.

I'll love you until the rivers run still

And the four winds we know blow away."

Jud Strunk (11 June 1936 - 5 October 1981)

was an American singer, songwriter, and comedian.

Born Justin Strunk, Jr. in Jamestown, New York,

he was raised in Buffalo, New York

where as a small boy his showmanship became evident.

After he learned to play the banjo,

Strunk began entertaining locals and went on to wide recognition after

appearances on national television network shows such as Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In

and The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.

In 1973, he wrote and recorded the song "Daisy A Day"

that made it into Billboard's Top Twenty on both the country and pop music charts.

He had three more humorous songs that made it into the country music charts

and toured with the Andy Williams Road Show.

Strunk became a folk hero of sorts in Maine and in 1970

he narrowly lost the election for a Senate seat in the state legislature.

He was also a private pilot and purchased a 1941 Fairchild M62-A.

Unfortunately, on 5 October 1981,

he suffered a heart attack while taking off in the aircraft

at the Carrabassett Valley Airport in Maine

and was killed instantly along with his passenger.

He was 45 years old.

113
G'day one and All
Happy Easter to you
If you are having the whole Easter weekend off, then good luck to you
Its Easter Sunday , here in the West
Grandkids everywhere [as well as chocolate galore]



Easter Bunny Boogie





Dear Friends and readers,
I am happy to inform you all that I have completed my MBA Degree.
I am sorry if you got surprised by knowing,
about my part time MBA (Operations), all of a sudden.
I was a bit embarrassed about telling this to all of you.
Actually I was trying for it since long time.
I used to work very hard for it late nights.
I’m glad that finally it all turned out well.
I plan to pursue my studies in this regard further.
I have scanned the certificate and pasted below so that you can have a look.
Need all your wishes for my further studies.
Thank you my friends…








Throughout the ages, men have been trying to unlock the mystery
as to why their wives who accepted them as they were before they got married,
subtly and with determination began the quest to change their behaviour
and life-style once their vows were exchanged.
Finally, the riddle was solved.
A social-scientist arrived at a simple and logical conclusion.
When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle,
she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn.
Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: aisle, altar, hymn, begins.
She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions:
aisle, altar, hymn. . .
aisle, altar, hymn. . .
aisle, altar, hymn. .
and finally, as she stops beside the groom,
the conditioning process is completed.
She looks up at him lovingly, smiling sweetly and thinks
‘I’ll alter him

Todays Cartoons

Two drunks are walking along.

One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend.

"That's not the moon,” he says, “that's the sun."

They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk,

so they stopped him.

"Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining.

Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,

"Sorry, I don't live around here."


Bears not into Psycholgy

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona

when her car broke down.
An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful,

except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a “Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a”

so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,

yelled one final “Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!” and rode off.
“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service-station attendant.
“Nothing,” the woman answered.

“I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist,

and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”
“Lady,” the attendant said , “Indians don’t use saddles…….!!!!”

Again with the Funny Signs

A guy's sitting in a bar having a drink.

All of a sudden an alien sits down next to him, licks its finger and sticks it in the guys ear.

He's a little annoyed, but doesn't say anything.
The next thing he knows, the alien does it again.

This time the guy tells him to quit.
Five minutes later, it happens again.

This time he yells at him to stop.

Ten minutes later, he finds a finger in his ear.
Finally, he jumps up and screams,

" If you don't quit I'm gonna rip your balls off!".
The alien thinks about it for a second, and does it again.
The guy jumps up, pulls its pants down,

but there was nothing there!

In frustration he asks, "How do you screw?!!"
The alien smiles and sticks his finger in the guys ear.





Tough Guy

Sunset from Space

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica .
They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods

and such when they passed this small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say

, "You foreigners!
Come in. Come into my humble shop!"

So they walked in, and the Jamaican said,

"I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in...

Dey make you wild at sex.
The wife got really interested in buying the sandals,

but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.
The husband asked the shopkeeper,

"How could sandals make you into a sexfreak?
The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon.

You doan haff to do nutting cept try dem on.
" So the husband, after some badgering from his wife,

finally gave in, and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet,

he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican,

bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants,

and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming,

"You got dem on da wrong feet! Mon, you got dem on da wrong feet!"...
thanks Gordon Hamilton



This should keep you amused for hours

Do you know your arse from your elbow?


Click here: Arse or Elbow?
thanks Gordon Hamilton


Music

Today's Video Clip

is Chet Atkins version of the Johnny Cash classic

Orange Blossom Special

Chet Atkins....Orange Blossom Special