392----
-----------
---
The beautiful young career girl had one unhappy trait:
She would fall head over heels in love with a different man each week,
always with the conviction that her latest beau was the man of her dreams,
with whom she could live happily ever after.
One particularly devastating experience finally convinced her
that she had to put an end to this distressing habit.
She vowed to spend the next few evenings alone
and repaired to her favorite bar to console herself.
As luck would have it, she encountered a handsome, well-groomed stranger,
whom she couldn't resist approaching.
"Let me buy you a drink," the young man said, after she sat down next to him.
"But I really must tell you that nothing will come of it."
His reserve intrigued her, and after several drinks,
her attraction to him had grown considerably.
In fact, the more the fellow put her off, the more fascinated she became.
'Here,' she thought, 'is a truly fine young man
who didn't try to take advantage of her body like all the rest.'
Before she knew it, she had invited him to her apartment.
"I'm just not the type of person who does that sort of thing," her new friend replied.
"But I'll come along for conversation."
His hesitance increased her ardor for him all the more!
By the tune they had reached her apartment,
she was irresistibly drawn to him.
Once inside, she reclined languorously on the couch and beckoned to him.
"Please," he pleaded. "I told you this couldn't work out."
"But you don't understand," she said.
"I want you for my husband!"
"That's quite different!" he said enthusiastically.
"Send him in!"
----
----
How "Riverdance" came about
--
A man visits his doctor.
“Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation.
Can you cure me?” he asks.
“No, I can’t,” says the doctor.
“No, I can’t,” says the doctor.
“But I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span
--------
Those Funny Animals
--------
Those Funny Animals
----
Blast from the Past
---
---
-
An American, a Mexican and an Italian robbed a bank
and got a lot of cash in Dollars, Pesos and Liras.
When they returned to their hide-out,
the American distributed the money in three even shares.
He counted each portion aloud:
"1000 dollars for me,
1000 pesos for you,
1000 liras for you
...
"1000 dollars for me,
1000 pesos for you,
1000 liras for you
...
"1000 dollars for me,
1000 pesos for you,
1000 liras for you
...
"1000 dollars for me,
1000 pesos for you,
1000 liras for you."
The Mexican said to the Italian,
"Señor, I can't stand these Yankee gringos,
but I admit they are honest."
------
------
Carlos Spencer goes into the All Black changing room
to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game.
We know it's important but we've just beaten Wales and South Africa
in consecutive weeks and let's be honest it's only Australia.
They're crap and we can't be bothered"
.Carlos looks at them and says
"Well, the way I've been playing recently,
I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Carlos goes out to play Australia by himself
and the rest of the New Zealand team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going,
so they get the landlord to put the telly on.
A big cheer goes up as the screen reads
"New Zealand 7 - Australia 0 (Spencer - 10 minutes - Converted Try)"
He is beating Australia all by himself!
Anyway, the telly goes off and a Few more pints later the game
is forgotten until someone remembers
"It must be full time now, let's see how Carlos got on".
They put the telly back on.
"Result from the Stadium: New Zealand 7 (Spencer 10 minutes)
- Australia 7(Sailor 79 minutes)".
They can't believe it, Carlos has single handedly got a draw against Australia!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him.
They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them.
"I've let you down, I've let you down." says Carlos.
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Australia, all by yourself
. And they Only scored at the very very end!" says the rest of the team.
"No, No, I have" says Spencer,
"I've let you down... I got sent off after 12 minutes
---
---
Parallel Lines
The film must be no more than three minutes long
The film must be no more than three minutes long
-It must be as cinematic as possible
-It must feature the following dialogue and no other lines
'What is that?',
'It's a unicorn',
'Never seen one up close before',
'Beautiful',
'Get away, get away',
'Get away, get away',
'I'm Sorry.'
------
------
Cavemen and CaveWomen
-----
SOMETHING AUSSIE
---
---
Stalin decides to go out one day and see what it's really like for the workers,
so he puts on a disguise and sneaks out of the Kremlin.
After a while he wanders into a cinema.
When the film has finished, the Soviet Anthem plays
and a huge picture of Stalin appears on the screen.
Everyone stands up and begins singing,
except Stalin, who smugly remains seated.
A minute later a man behind him leans forwards and whispers in his ear:
"Listen Comrade, we all feel exactly the same way you do,
but trust me, it's a lot safer if you just stand up."
---
-
Check The Link Below.
I was Shocked to Find my location on Earth so very EASILY!!
It’s really unbelievable.
It’s really unbelievable.
I was surprised to know such technology exists.
Don't need a tom-tom or tom cat or whatever ---
It uses your IPS address and finds the exact location
Don't need a tom-tom or tom cat or whatever ---
It uses your IPS address and finds the exact location
of any internet user in seconds.
They have used a sophisticated time based algorithm to do so.
They have used a sophisticated time based algorithm to do so.
Try it and find your own location on the earth.
Your location will pop up in a new window in about 10 seconds or so.
http://www.darnay.com/iec/features/locator/index.html
Your location will pop up in a new window in about 10 seconds or so.
http://www.darnay.com/iec/features/locator/index.html
thanks Liz Z
---
Then and Now
Then and Now
--
---
What can I say!!!!
Another Horrible Woman Driver - Watch more Funny Videos
Recently, my husband put his car in reverse
Another Horrible Woman Driver - Watch more Funny Videos
Recently, my husband put his car in reverse
and accidentally drove it into a wall.
He took it to his mechanic, who replaced the dented bumper.
A few days later, he did it again.
"I'm so embarrassed," he moaned, reaching for the phone.
"Why not tell him it was me this time?" I suggested.
"Maybe I will," he said while dialing.
"It worked the last time."
----
---
----
---
It was the custom of the local Convent to dedicate a chair in memory
of the Nun who had conscientiously applied her life to some
portion of the Convent for 50 years or more.
There were, already, several chairs sitting around the monstrous oak table.
There was a chair to Sister Ann of the Kitchen
who gave 52 years of providing nutritious meals to the Nuns.
There was a chair to Sister Marie of the Bells
who had given 56 years of her life responsibly ringing the bells
telling the Nuns of the schedule.
Then, of course, there was a chair dedicated to Sister Yvonne
of the Closet who had given almost 60 years of her life keeping the Convent clean.
There had not been any Chairs dedicated for many decades
because none of the Nuns had either been as responsible
or had the longevity to earn such an honor.
But all this came to a close when Sister Catherine died.
Sister Catherine had given more than 75 years of her life to the Convent,
but there was a problem.
She had been such a responsible Nun,
had done so many things for so many people,
and was the one everyone called on when an emergency arose
that there was no particular place of service she had dedicated her life.
Yet, it was felt if anyone deserved a Chair, it was Sister Catherine.
The Committee went to work reviewing Sister Catherine's life,
reviewing the philosophy of this august honor, and exercising their options.
They knew she was deserving of this honor,
but they did not know how to label the honor.
Finally the day came, and everyone was called to honor Sister Catherine.
After everyone was assembled around the massive oak table
and the prestigious comments were made about her,
the covering was removed from the brass plaque on the chair to proudly announce:
"To Sister Catherine, Nun of the Above."
-- Sir Lawrence Brotherton
---
There was this burglar who broke into the AT&T consumer products warehouse,
and was filling his bags with various telephones
when he heard police sirens getting near.
He fled to a nearby music hall where a concert
was going on and hid among the horn sections.
The police wandered through,
but were unable to find him among the musicians.
He fit right in, having those sacks o' phones.
---
---
----------------
Bonus Video
-----
Anklebiters [Kids]
While in the checkout line at Home Depot,
I overheard one man say to another,
"My wife has been after me to paint our shed.
But I let it go for so long she got mad and did it herself."
His friend nodded.
"I like women who get mad like that."
--
--
-
-----
"PHILS PHILOSOPHY"
but I leave you with
thanks Celeste
---
--
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
