535

"Rollin Safari"

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Those Funny Animals

Friendly Animals

Smart Cat

thanks Gordon H

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In the late 1800s, not wanting to be outdone by American rodeo, an

English fellow decided to become a rodeo star. Not having a horse, or

any cattle, he cast about for some way to perform. His vocation was

building outhouses, and he had several samples behind his house. He

had also installed a couple of standing gas lamps in his yard.

As a start, he decided that lassoing these objects would be good

practice. After all, he reasoned, they may not be moving targets, but

at least he could get the hang of the rope.

Now he needed a mount. Not having a horse, he thought a bicycle would

be a good substitute, and so he grabbed a coil of rope, hopped on his

bicycle and off he went. He was phenomenally successful, and quickly

got the hang of it.

Each day a friend of his would stop by to watch and give

encouragement. Upon showing up one day, after the Englishman had been

practicing for a couple of weeks, the friend noticed that the

Englishman had taken to riding with no hands, and whirling two lassos

at the same time. The Englishman proceed to lasso an outhouse, then

immediately followed with a perfect throw over one of the lamps, all

the while singing out, . . .
 "Here we go loop the loo, here we go loop

the light!"

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thanks Jayne M

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I really don't know how any of us have managed
 to get this far in life without this information;
 on the other hand, it is also kind of neat!

How many days old are you?                                                  This will give  you a jolt!                                   Click here: How many days old are you?                                          thanks Gordon H

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OH CANADA!!!!

thanks to Joanne W

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And in Russia

A Russian man was standing in a bread line complaining when an old KGB dude 

walked up to him and making a finger gun pointed it at him and said,

 "In the old days you know what would have happened to you?

 Bang!"

On returning to his home his wife asked him, 

"Did they run out of bread?"

"Worse", he replied.

 "They ran out of bullets."

------------------------

So, it's only natural,

 that the jokes started coming about the meteorite that exploded over Russia.

 Here's one of them.

The meteorite was supposed to come December 21

 (the Mayan calendar's end of the world), 

but due to the incompetence of the Russian postal system

 it was delayed until last week

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And in Japan

[what happens when you push the Assistance Button]

################

A guy got chatting to a girl in a club:

 "Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, 

"Guys like you always have girlfriends."

"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago." he assured her.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she answered, 

"Go on then, I'll have a white wine please."

A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle 

they headed off back to her place and made passionate love. 

While he was putting his clothes back on she said, 

"So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed. 

Can I ask why on earth did you split with your girlfriend?"

He said, "My wife found out."

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POSTERS!!

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Cool Bus Stop

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It was just a simple job to do

thanks Kitty L

###############

A psychiatrist was testing the mentality of a patient.

"Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking 

or where the voices are coming from?" 

asked the psychiatrist.

"As a matter of fact, I do," said the patient.

"And when does this happen?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Oh," said the patient,

 "when I answer the telephone."

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DRINKS

##################

Many historians are unaware of a little-known aspect of American history

 involving George Washington. 

The Father of our Country became an almost apocryphal figure,

 and people know a lot of the stories and myths surrounding George Washington. 

We remember the story of his supposedly throwing a silver dollar across the Potomac River.

 We remember other stories about young George's penchant for always telling the truth

. But few people or even historians know the story of another incident in George's youth

 that helped cement his reputation for honesty;

                                       George's father was more than a planter in Colonial Virginia. 

He was also a collector of colonial artifacts.

 He was famous for his collection of wooden Indians.

 In fact, his collection was famous in the Colonies. 

Young George, intent on sharpening his skills with the hatchet,

 went into the large room where his father kept his collection 

of valuable, hand-carved Indian figures

 and proceeded to chop them to pieces.

 When George's father saw the damage that George had hewn with his axe,

 he confronted him.

 "George," he asked,

 "are you responsible for this?"

 "I cannot tell a lie, father," he answered.

 "I cut down your Cherokees."

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Nine Golfers...Nine Holes

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A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher                                                  knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.                                   The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his                                     dad told him that he needed to go to church.                                 The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if                                    his dad had explained to him why it was more important to                        go to church than to go fishing.                                       The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have                                     enough bait for both of us."

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Misc Stuff!!!

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Leaf Blower

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Signs of the Week

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A learned rabbi took a philosophy professor. (an atheist).

 out fishing on a large lake.

 As they drifted on the still lake, 

the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar 

and watched it float away. 

The rabbi stepped out of the boat, 

walked across the water to the oar, 

grabbed it, and walked back to the boat. 

The next day at the university, 

a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the rabbi. 

"It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?"

PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.