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This Saturday November 24th is Federal election day here in Australia
We have put up with all the rhetoric in the past six weeks
and no matter who wins this weekend, we will get another six weeks of
Why we won
or
Why we lost
Ithink I will move to Iceland


On a crisp November morning John Howard and Kevin Rudd
somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber,
not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves,
the one who had Kevin Rudd in his chair reached for the after shave......
Rudd was quick to stop him saying
"No way....My wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."
The second barber turned to John Howard and said
"How about you, Mr. Prime Minister"
Howard replied,
"Go ahead....My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like"
-------

As I said, Ithink Iwill move to Iceland

A short tour guide of England

Warning...contains mild offfensive language

Question from a recent UK survey:
Are there too many foreigners in this country now?
Answer: 20%: YES
10% : DON'T KNOW
70% :معهد الأمن العالمي بواشنط
[Thanks Jim King]




DEAF TALK
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend,
"My wife was asleep when I got home,
so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back,
"Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed,
and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I just turned out the light!"


Me!! Ijust love chocolate cake




BREAKING NEWS:
FRENCH TERROR ALERT RAISED
The Prime Minister of France has officially raised the French terror alert
from "Run" to "Hide".
There are only two higher alert levels in France,
which are "Surrender" and "Collaborate".
The terror alert raise was precipitated by a recent fire
which destroyed France's white flag factory
- effectively crippling their military.
-----

For more Breaking news

CLICK HERE

By Clicking this link
You may see one of the most frightening messages
And it could leave you in a state of anxiety.

[Thanks Esther Roadnight from Kalgoorlie]

How to tell who Mums favourite is!!



CYBER BIRDS AND BEES
Little boy goes to his father and asks: "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room,
where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload,
we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too late to hit the delete button,
nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:
You've Got Male!"


Todays Cartoons

The following was sent in by Ron Wilson

Husband: Oh, come on.

Wife: Leave me alone!

Husband: It won't take long.

Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.

Husband: I can't sleep without it

.Wife: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?

Husband: Because I'm Hot.

Wife: You get hot at the darnedest times.

Husband: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.

Wife: If you love me you'd be more considerate.

Husband: You don't love me anymore.

Wife: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.

Husband: Please...come on

Wife: Alright, I'll do it.

Husband: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?

Wife: I can't find it.

Husband: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!

Wife: There! Are you satisfied?

Husband: Oh, yes. Wife: Is it up far enough?

Husband: Oh, that's good.

Wife: Now go to sleep, and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself.
[its not whatyou thought]


A sign of the times

The future is man made

Some interesting facts about Australia that I found
* For each person in Australia there are two sheep and over 16 rabbits.

* Rabbits were introduced in 1859 by a man who brought 24 wild rabbits from England in an effort to remind him of home.

Now their ever growing number competes for food in the wild with the native animals.

* Per Capita, Australians spend more money on gambling than any other nation.

considering that we have less than 1 percent of the world's population,

we also have more than 20% of the world's poker machines.

* Swimming - In 1838 it was declared illegal to swim at public beaches during the day!

This law was enforced until 1902.

* It may surprise you to know that Australia's first police force was

comprised of 12 of the most well behaved Convicts.

* The secret ballot was first used in Victoria 1856, and South Australia in 1858.

Other states later also introduced this system.

The secret ballot was referred to as 'kangaroo voting'.

World wide, this type of anonymous voting is often

referred to as the 'Australian ballot'.

Australia was also the second country in the world to give women the vote.

* In April of 1933, 68% of West Australians voted in favour of seceding

from the Commonwealth of Australia.

However they needed permission from the British Parliament before they could officially become a new country.

At the same time the Australia's Federal Parliament was also arguing that Britain

should not interfere in Australian politics.

The end result was that Britain never made a decision

and so Western Australian remained part of the Commonwealth.

* In 1954, Bob Hawke was immortalised by the Guinness Book of Records

for sculling 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds.

Bob later became the Prime Minister of Australia

.* On the 17th of December 1967 after a short time at the wheel of the Australian Government, Prime Minister Harold Holt went for a swim at Cheviot Beach, near Portsea

and was never seen again.

Theories about his disappearance include kidnapping by a Russian submarine,

eaten by a shark or being carried away by the tide.

The event has been referred to as 'the swim that needed no towel'.

Now to "do a Harold Holt" is slang for "do the bolt"

.A public swimming pool was also named in his honour!

* The Australian Lyre Bird is the world's best imitator;

able to mimic the calls of 15 different species of birds in their locality

and string the calls into a melody.

It has slso been known to mimic the sound of mobile phones.

* The Purple-neck Rock Wallaby inhabits the Mount Isa region of Queensland.

This interesting little wallaby secretes a dye,

changing the colour of the fur on its face from light pink to bright purple.

* The name for the Kangaroo came about when some of the first white settlers saw

this strange animal hopping along and they asked the Aborigines what it was called.

They replied with 'Kanguru', which in the native language meant

'I don't know' (what you are asking).

* A baby kangaroo at the time of its birth measures 2 centimetres.

* Australia is home to the world's only 2 monotremes, the platypus and the echidna.

A monotreme is a animal that both lays eggs and suckles its young.

* When a specimen of the platypus was first sent to England,

it was thought to have been a practical joke.

They thought that the Australians had sewed the bill of a duck onto a rat.

--------

On a more serious note
A DIFFERENT CREATION STORY

In the beginning God created day and night.

He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies.

He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Second Day.

On the Second Day God created water - for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants

- to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day.

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans and chops,

sausages, steak and prawns for barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day.

On the Fifth! ! Day God created a bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach,

drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came it was the Sixth Day.

On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with,

so God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes.

God saw that it was good.

Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day

.On the Seventh Day God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. Evening came and it was the end of the Seventh Day.

God sighed, looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans

and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes and Sheilas,

smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns,

and God saw that it was not just good,

it was better than that, it was bloody great!!!!

IT WAS AUSTRALIA

Not a school Bully... A teacher Bully

Uh ..Oh...what now!!

Todays music

Taken from their 1981 reunion concert

Ihave very fond memories of the original hit when it first came out in the late 1950's

The Kingston Trio....Tom Dooley

Another classic from the late legendary Del Shannon

Runaway

Here is a link for another Del Shannon hit..Handyman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSrDf86hxeo&feature=related

Wake Up...... A funny video sent in by Chris Bone

Thanks Chris

Click on pointer