Phils Phun

100
Unbelievable as it seems, we have reached post no 100
April 2007 seems a long way back
Ithank you all for your support

Lets try something a little different Here is a song from 1972 to get you up and going

Daniel Boone....Beautiful Sunday

This is from the Carol Burnett Show

Tim Conway and Harvey Korman
The Dentist
I dare you not to laugh

thanks Joan Andony

Todays Cartoons.....Kids

A father, who worked away from home all week,

always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old daughter

out for a drive in the car for some bonding time.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold

and he really didn't feel like being up at all.

Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and

said that she would take their daughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her father.

"Well," the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with mommy?"

"Oh yes, Daddy" the girl replied,

"and do you know what?

We didn't see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head!"

Sorry about this, but its funny
An Englishman, Scotsman and a Pakistani go to the barbers

Englishman: "Give me a telly"

Barber: A Telly, sir?"

Englishman: Telly Savalas, bald, chop the lot off"

Barber: "OK sir, that will be £3

Scotsman: "I'll have a Telly too, please.Barber:

"Very well sir, that will be £3 please

Pakistani: "I too, will have a Telly, please

.Barber: "Right you are sir, that will be £9 please

Pakistani: "£9 but they only paid £3

Barber: "Yes sir, but yours is a colour telly\

Two Englishmen- businessmen in London

- were sitting down for a break in their soon-to be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only afew shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by,

put his face to the window and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when,

sure enough, a curious Scotsman walked to the window,

had a peek, and in a broad Scottish accent asked

'What are you selling' here

One of the men replied sarcastically

,'We're selling arse-holes.

'Without skipping a beat,

the Scotsman said,'You are doing well ...

Only two left!'

[thanks Geoff Collins]

The Golden Arches

A young lady with a touch of hay fever took two handkerchiefs with her to the dinner party,

one in her purse and the spare she kept in her bosom.

At dinner she began rummaging in her bosom for the fresh handkerchief,

but it stubbornly refused to be found.

To left and to right she searched:

until she realised suddenly that conversation around her had ceased

and everyone was watching her in fascination.

Flustered, she murmured,

"I know I had two when I came."

For all you Golf Nuts

Here is some more Tiger Woods

Nike Ad

thanks Jim King

Here in the West school teachers are gearing up for another stressful year

Poor Buggers ,just had seven weeks holiday

A teacher joke
Helpful teacher

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers,

went on a field trip to their closest midweek race track,

to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom,

it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room

when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside,

helped the boys with their pants and began hoisting the boys up one by one,

holding onto their "wee-wees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed.

Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said,

"You must be in the fourth grade."

He replied:

"No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race today".

Population crisis

Here is the population list:

(Country Population Date % of world population).

World 6,671,226,000 July 1, 2007 100%

PRC 1,323,081,672 Jan 8, 2008 19.83% India 1,131,043,000 March 1, 2007 16.95%

United States 303,202,683 Jan 9, 2008 4.54%.

Always be careful when crossing the road

Try this one

Dr. Phil's Test:

Here you go.

Try this!

Below is Dr. Phil's test. (Dr. Phil scored 55; he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.)

Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out! Read on, this is very interesting!

Don't be overly sensitive!

The following is pretty accurate and it only takes 2 minutes.

Don't peek, but begin the test as you scroll down and answer.

Answers are for who you are now --- not who you were in the past

Have pen or pencil and paper ready

This is a real test given by the Human Relations Dept. at many of the major corporations today. It helps them get better insight concerning their employees and prospective employees.

It's only 10 Simple questions, so grab a pencil and paper,

keeping track of your letter answers to each question.

Ready?

Begin.

1. When do you feel your best?

a) in the morning

b) during the afternoon and early evening

c) late at night

2. You usually walk..

.a) fairly fast, with long steps

b) fairly fast, with little steps

c) less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) less fast, head downe) very slowly

3. When talking to people you...

a) stand with your arms folded

b) have your hands clasped

c) have one or both your hands on your hips

d) touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with.. .

a) your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) your legs crossed

c) you r legs stretched out or straight

d) one leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with...

a) big appreciated laugh

b) a laugh, but not a loud one

c) a quiet chuckle

d) a sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you..

.a) make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted...

a) welcome the break

b) feel extremely irritated

c) vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) black

c) yellow or light blue

d) green

e) dark blue or purple

f) white

g) brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are..

.a) stretched out on your back

b) stretched out face down on your stomach

c) on your side, slightly curled

d) with your head on one arm

e) with your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...

a) falling

b) fighting or struggling

c) searching for something or somebody

d) flying or floating

e) you usually have dreamless sleep

f) your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4 (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10 (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

Now add up the total number of points.

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate

.41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them u p and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you' re boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.

Thanks to Don Henry [Edmonton Alberta, Canada ]for this

Iscored 38

A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery.

She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse,

the daily routine was starting to get to her.

Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast

(which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice).

She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle.
And so it continued...
Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun.

She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it.

When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle

and a frown came over his face.
"Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast,

but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy," he said,

pointing to the urine bottle.
"Oh, really?" the patient replied, picking up the bottle in question

and putting it to her lips.

"In that case, we’d better run it through again..."

[pinched this from Miss Cellania]

Wendy meets Tammy for lunch.

"You're looking very tired today, Tammy.

Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replied Tammy, "but it was all very strange.

While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp,

so I rubbed it and out popped a genie.

He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," said Wendy, "so what were the choices he gave you, Tammy?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory

or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger penis."
"So tell me already, Tammy, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replied Tammy.

What Wonderful world