Phils Phun

102
Hot, sultry weather continues with Thunderstorms threatening but nothing happening
If only it would rain, just to clear the air
More of the same forecast in the next few days
This is the last post for about a week as I am off to Sydney for awhile

Heres Chris Farlow to get you going

Out of Time

A priest and a rabbi had a tremendous rivalry going,
each going to extremes of piety to impress the other.
It just happened that both of them got new cars at the same time.
It also happened that they both drove into a gas station at the same time.
The priest said a blessing over his car -- in Latin.
The rabbi said his own blessing over his own car -- in Hebrew.
The priest went to put some water in the radiator,
making it clear his car would benefit from the "holy" water.
The rabbi said nothing, but quietly reached into the trunk of his car,
took out a hacksaw,
and cut the end off the exhaust pipe.

Illusions

http://view.break.com/370979 - Watch more free videos

Cartoons....Animals

pinched from Miss Cellania

Jake is struggling through an airport terminal with two huge and

obviously heavy suitcases when Bill Gates walks up to him and asks:

"Have you got the time?"

Jake sighs, not recognizing Mr. Gates, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist.

"It's a quarter to six", he says.

"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims Mr. Gates.

Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad.Check this out..."

He shows him a time zone display for every time zone in the world.

He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says

"The time is eleven till six" in a very West Texas accent.

Afew more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese.

Jake continues "I've put in regional accents for each city.

The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding."

Bill Gates is dumb struck with admiration.

"That's not all...", says Jake.

He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very hi-resolution map

of New York City appears on the display.

"The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning, " explains Jake.

"View recede ten", Jake says, and the display changes to show eastern New York state

."I want to buy this watch!" says Bill Gates, thinking of the potentia lprofits

after his engineers tear it apart and then market it throughout the world.

"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs",says the inventor.

"But look at this", and he proceeds to demonstrate that

"the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver witha digital tuner,

a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125meters,

a pager with thermal paper print out and,

most impressive of all,the capacity for voice recordings of up to

300 standard-size books,though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says Jake.

"I've got to have this watch!" says Bill Gates, becoming insane with desire.

"No, you don't understand; it's not ready."

"I'll give you $1,000 for it!"

"Oh, no, I've already spent more than..."

"I'll give you $5,000 for it!"

"But it's just not..."

"I'll give you $15,000 in cash for it!"

And Bill Gates pulls out his bulging wallet.

Jake stops to think.

He's only put about $8,500 into materials and development,

and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it readyfor merchandising

in maybe a year or so...

Bill Gates frantically waves the cash in front of Jake:

"Here it is,right here and now, $15,000! Take it or leave it!"

Jake abruptly makes his decision:

"Okay,"he agrees as he peels off the watch and hands it to the stranger.

They make the exchange and Bill Gates prances happily away.

"Hey, wait a minute", calls Jake after the stranger.

Bill Gates turns around warily and says:"What?"

Jake points to the two heavy suitcases he had been trying to wrestle through the terminal.

"Don't forget your batteries."

The latest Campaign button from the USA

thanks Jim King

What Antlers are for

Its a man thing...Thanks Gordon Hamilton

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?
6 men will be dropped on an island with 1 van and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.
Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes.
There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done:
There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily,
which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making four lunches.
They must attend weekly PTA meetings;
clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m;
make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks,
a tortilla and one marker;
and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off based on performance.
The winner gets to go back to his job.

More Cartoons

thanks Gordon Hamilton

A fellow was walking along a country road and came upon a farmer working in his field.

The man called out to the farmer

and asked how long it would take him to get to the next town.

The farmer didn't answer.

So, after waiting a bit, the fellow started walking again.

After the man had gone about 100 yards,

the farmer yelled, "About 20 minutes."

Confused, the man turned back toward the farmer and inquired,

"Why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"

"Well," said the farmer,

"I didn't know how fast you could walk."

Advert for Binoculars

Thats the Olgas ,near Ayers rock [Urulu] in the background

Spectacular video of Glacier melting in Southern Argentina

Global Warming

Job Descriptions in the Real World
A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. (Laurence J. Peter)
A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. (Charles R. Darwin)
A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

What a Wondeful World

Happy Hippo's

This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town

and they cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute.

A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump on the end of his penis. The doctor does a thorough exam,

then pulls down a weighty medical book and flicks through it till he finds what he's looking for. He looks up and says,

"I'm afraid this is serious. We'll have to operate!"

"Operate?", exclaims the fellow, "Why, Doc? What's the problem?"

"Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear?

You've developed the same sort of thing.

You've got a brothel sprout."

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
pinched rom Big Shot Bob in Texas

mmmmm I think there's a name for girls like this??