Phils Phun

110
Well,another weekend dead and buried,
and I am absolutely buggered,
having worked all weekend
However there is a method in my madness,
am off to Kalgoorlie next weekend to enjoy a schooner[beer] or two

What were they thinking

pinched from Shelleys Snippets

You Know You are from Finland if!!!
You meticulously manage your plastic bag collection.

You don`t think twice about putting wet dishes in the cupboard to dry.

Silence is fun.

Your coffee consumption exceeds 8 cups a day.

You pass a grocery store and think: "Wow, it`s open!"

Your native language has seriously deteriorated.

Now you "eat medicine", "open the television", and "close the lights off".

You associate pea soup with Thursday.

Your notion of street life is reduced to hanging out in front of the railway station on Friday nights.

After a presentation, you finally stop asking "Are there any questions?"

Hugging is reserved for sexual foreplay.

You no longer look at a track suit as casual wear, but consider it acceptable for formal occasions.

Neither do you see a problem wearing white socks with loafers.

You accept alcohol as food.

You no longer eat mashed potatoes - you eat smashed potatoes.

You understand why the Finnish language has no future tense.

You know that "one" beer means "let`s get pissed."

When a stranger smiles at you, you assume he is drunk, insane, or American.

You`ve become lactose intolerant.

You know how to prepare herring 105 different ways.

CARTOONS [Misc]

Cheating Wife
A man and a woman meet at a bar one night and are getting along really well.

They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate lovemaking.

The woman suddenly turns up her ear and says,

"Quick, my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!"

So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her.

"Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside,

so I thought I would come up here and get ready to receive you."

"Okay," the man replies, "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him

and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the hell are you?" the man asks.

"I am from the exterminator company,

your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you're naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

"In Fyfe, Scotland, there's an annual tench-eating competition

[tench are small fish like sardines].

The world champion, Sven from Finland, was in Fyfe to defend his title.

Local boy Hix won through to the final and it was a contest between him and Sven.

The result was that Hix ate 27 tench and Sven managed only nine -

so Hix was crowned world champion.

The headline?
One To Three For Fyfe's Hix, Sven Ate Nine Tench."
This is possibly the worst pun I have ever posted on this site.

Those of you that have ever watched an Alfred Hitchcock movie

will have noticed that he nearly always appear somewhere in the movie in a cameo role

Here is a collection

Wanker of the Week

A MONSTER crocodile came within a metre of making a meal of a foolhardy fisherman

in a Top End river last week.
The saltie came alongside the small boat

– probably looking for a free feed of fish

– and suddenly exploded out of the water.
It almost got to grips with 27-year-old Novon Mashiah,

who was leaning over the back of the dinghy posing for a photograph.

The crocodile – estimated to be more than 4m long

– hit the side of the boat and then fell back into the water.
"One minute I was leaning over the boat teasing it for a picture," Mr Mashiah said.

"The next minute it burst out of the water . . .
"I jumped back and the croc landed on the boat and then slipped into the water.

I was shaking."
Mr Mashiah's mate, Doron Aviguy, 22, took the photograph from a bigger boat nearby.

The two Israeli backpackers were working as fishermen on the South Alligator River

when they saw the saltie on Friday morning

and Mr Mashiah "began playing with it for a photo".
"I was pointing at it when it suddenly jumped up at me.
"I didn't realise that crocs were so aggressive
[Duh!!]

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all.""Me neither, doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:1. All the DNA is the same.2. There are no dental records.

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."Joe: "Really?"Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.He said, "I did that by accident."She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."He replied, "How did you know?"She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterwards

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."