Phils Phun

140

Welcome Back

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OLD TIMERS BAR
One afternoon four retired American golfers are walking down a street in
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina when they see a sign that says,
"OLD TIMERS BAR .......ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS".
They look at each other, then go in.
As they enter, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you! What will it be gentlemen?"
There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini.
In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis and says,
"That will be 10 cents each please."
The four men stare at the bartender for a moment, then look at each other.
They can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, drink their martinis, and order another round.
Again four excellent martinis are served with the bartender again saying, ....
"That's 40 more cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand.
They've each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men says,
"How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece ?"
The bartender says,
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar.
Last year I won $25 million in the New York Lottery,
and decided to move down here and open this place.
Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer all the same price."
"Wow! that's quite a story" says one of the guys.
The four of them sipped at their martinis
but couldn't help notice four other guys at the end of the bar who
didn't have a drink in front of them,
and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they they were there.
One man gestures at the four at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them ?"
The bartender replies,
"Oh, they're four Scotsmen. They're waiting for happy hour."
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A couple of funny beers videos

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Cool way to play chess

Your move Amigo

The above two images were seen on 'Its Knutz"
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ORDER IN THE COURT
Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little old Woman: I'm 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened toyou on the first of April of this year?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my frontporch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on theporch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me. young man...Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!" .

..And that's when I shot the little bastard!

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Here is a link to very addictive game called Catch Thirty Three

The idea is to click on all the numbers 1-33 in sequence as quick as you can

The best Icould do was 53 seconds [pretty slow]

Good game for concentration and co-ordination skills

http://www.abunawaf.com/mm-776.html

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Cartoons

THE "BRICKYARD" TRIBE

A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam.

After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests the doctor said,

"Well, Running Doe, you're in fine health. I could find no problems.

However, I did notice one small anomaly."

"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"
"Well, you have no nipples."
"None of the people in my tribe have nipples," she replied.

"That's amazing" said the doctor.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine."
She said, "OK."

"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"
She answered, "Approximately 500."
"And what's the name of your tribe" asked the doctor.
Running Doe replied........

"We're called The Indian Nippleless Five Hundred."

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More Punny business