158



::: BREAKING NEWS :::
In 2009 the government will start killing all the mentally ill people.
I started crying when I thought of you.
Run little buddy, run!







What Men do for women




Country wisdom
An old guy in an Australian desert town was showing some tourists
how to top up a camel with water.
"That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."
As the camel bent down to drink,
the old guy picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls.
The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water.
"Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist.
"Nah," replied the old timer.
"Only if you get your fingers caught!"
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Very Clever




A small zoo in Kentucky obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was in heat.
To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bob by Lee Walton,
a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks,
had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition.
Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer,
but only under five conditions:
“First”, Bobby Lee said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.”
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
“Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.”
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.”
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
“Fourth”, Bobby Lee said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.”
Once again it was agreed.
“And last,” Bobby Lee said,
“I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.”
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Do you like boxing?
This bloke is a candidate for "Wanker of the Year"




Baby sitting Bear


Iwant some of these

Exageration to the max

On standby

A German, an American and an Englishman were exploring the
jungle when they came across an breathtakingly beautiful waterfall.
After admiring it for a while, the American says,

"When I look at this waterfall, I think of the great American Constitution,

you know, where every atom of water is like an individual who has the freedom to make
it's own way through the world in unison with nature".

The German says,
"When I look at this waterfall, I think of the great German economy,
strong and powerful and smooth running".

The Englishman, when asked about his thoughts says,

"When I look at this waterfall, I think of oral sex".

The American and the German look at him in amazement.

"What is it about this waterfall makes you think of oral sex?"

"Uh. everything I look at makes me think of oral sex".
---------------------------------------------------------------------


Canadian Offer

Cartoons

Bar Against The Church
In a small Texas town, Drummond's bar began construction

on a new building to increase their business.

The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar

from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed right up till the week before opening

when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that,

until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church

was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building,

either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church vehemently denied all responsibility

or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork.

At the hearing he commented,

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this,

but as it appears from the paperwork,

we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer,

and an entire church congregation that does not."

-----------------------------------------------------------


Music................ Double Play

Annie's Song

John Denver

James Galway

Something Nice For Dad
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died,

a son who lived far away called his brother and told him,

“Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill.”

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid.
The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid,

figuring it was some incidental expense.

Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month,

and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on.

“Well,” said the other brother,

“you said to do something nice for Dad.

So I rented him a tuxedo.”





Smoking