228How Blogging started
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Bad Day
Mary hears the car drive up, then a clatter as it hits the garbage cans.
A car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, and slams shut.
Suddenly more crashing, clattering and cussing.
Finally John comes into the house with his golf clubs,
almost continuously scowling and cussing.
"What's the matter, dear? Did you have as bad day on the golf course?" asked Mary.
"A rotten day! A ROTTEN DAY! I'll say I did. What a miserable round of golf!
It was the worst ever!
In fact, I only hit two good balls all day!
And the worst of that is, I wouldn't have hit them either...
if I hadn't stepped on that rake in the garage!"
stolen from Hale @ It occurred to me
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Don't you just love this!!!!
A fellow is walking into a hospital
and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds.
He goes over and says,"Can I help? Have you lost something?"
"No," says one of the doctors.
"We're about to do a heart transplant ona lawyer
Cartoons.....Married life
"I went to a Christmas party the other night and was having a real blast.
After I'd been there a few hours (and several, several drinks),
I noticed this fabulous blonde standing over to the side.
She was in her early to mid twenties with beautiful long blonde hair down to her waist.
She was built like a brick, well, anyway she was built!
The amazing thing was, she kept staring at me and smiling.
Naturally, being a man, I decided to go try my luck.
Like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I went over and stuck up a conversation with her
(don't remember about what, but it had to be very interesting).
Well, one thing led to another and she invited me back to her place
and being the gentleman I am, I said "OK."
I'm not going to go into all the details of the night (mainly because I don't remember),
but I awoke the next morning to the aroma of fresh coffee and bacon frying.
I thought now this is great! I think I might have a keeper here.
I got up and got dressed and headed for the kitchen.
When I got there her mom (looked to be in her 80's or 90's) was standing at the stove. Embarrassed, I stammered, "Where's your daughter?"
She slowly turned around with a sly little smile on her face and said,
She slowly turned around with a sly little smile on her face and said,
"I don't have a daughter.
G'day Jim F ..........Can you translate this please!!!
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On his way to work, a driver swerved to avoid a box that fell from a truck.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
But another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policemen retrieved the box and found that it contained tacks.
"Nonetheless," the first trooper told the driver,
"I have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked why.
The trooper replied,
"Tacks evasion."
"Tacks evasion."
Explorer Leif Ericson returned from his voyage to the new world
only to find that his name had been removed from the town register.
He complained at the town meeting, viewing it as a slight.
The town official immediately apologized,
saying he must have taken Leif off his census.
“Good evening ladies”,
Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
“Do you know them?” Dr. Watson asked.
“No”, Holmes replied, “I’ve never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed.”
“Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?”
“Elementary, my dear Watson.
The nun ate the banana by holding it in one hand
and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces.”
“The prostitute”, he continued,
“grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth.”
“Amazing!” Watson exclaimed.
“But how did you know the third was a newlywed?”
“Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other.”
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Old Farts Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the
old man passes gas and says, Seven Points
His wife rolls over and says, what in the world was that.
The old man replied, It's Fart Football.
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says,
Touchdown, Tie Score.
After about five minutes the old man lets
another one go and says, Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7.
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
Touchdown, Tie Score
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
Field goal, I lead 17 to 14, now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,
and accidently craps in bed
The wife says, What the hell was that.?
The old man says, Half time, switch sides.
Thanks Gordon H
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
Loved the bullshit teamwork one. Sounds about right too.
ReplyDeleteHave a terrific day Phil. :)