242Two of my favourite actors on the Letterman show
Robert De Niro and Al Pacino do the Top 10
[No 1 is the best]
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After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth.
The rabbit was obviously dead.Chris panicked!"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought
.So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur.
Chris knew his neighbors kept their back door open during the summer, so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.
A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside."Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked.
"Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled.
The neighbor replied, "We just found him dead in his cage one day.
But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage!"
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Now I knew Pigs could fly
But not sheep!!!
But Pigs can swim
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Tom Jones is 69 today
She's a lady.........with Garfield
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One of the most common Golf shots
An older couple are playing in the annual club championship.
They are playing in a playoff hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make.
She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling.
She putts and misses, they lose the match.
On the way home in the car her husband is fuming,
"I can't believe you missed that putt!"
"That putt was no longer than my 'willy'."
The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said,
"yes dear,but it was much harder!"
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Cartoons.......Kids
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And she was sayng!!!
And she was sayng!!!
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Job of a lifetime
TRUE STORY:
Outside Bristol Zoo there is a car park for 150 cars and 8 coaches.
There also used to be a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine
charging cars £1 and coaches £5.
This parking attendant worked there for all of 25 years ,
then one day just didn't turn up for work...
"Ho hum", said Bristol Zoo Management -
"better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant" ......
"Err no", said the Council, "that car park is your responsibility" ...
"Err no", said Bristol Zoo Management,
"the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?" .....
"Err NO!"
Sitting in his villa in Spain is a bloke who had been taking daily
the car park fees amounting to an estimated £400 per day
at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years...
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Pictures from Africa
Pictures from
Izismile.com. Daily news and sun stuff
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Then there was the journalist who was sent to find photographer Tanaka Rhee,
who had been lost in New Guinea while on assignment for Life magazine.
After months of searching through steaming jungles and rank swampland,
he finally came upon a small village where several outsiders
were held in deep, murky pits.
Shining a flashlight into one pit after another,
Shining a flashlight into one pit after another,
the journalist at last spotted his quarry.
Jumping for joy, he sang out,
"Oh, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!"
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A bloke is sitting by his car at the side of the road looking unhappy.
"Oh, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!"
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A bloke is sitting by his car at the side of the road looking unhappy.
A passer-by sees his glum face and asks what the problem is.
“I’ve locked myself out of my car.” replies the man.
“That’s not a problem,” replied the passer-by,
“I’ve locked myself out of my car.” replies the man.
“That’s not a problem,” replied the passer-by,
“Step out of the way, and let me have a look.”
The motorist is a bit perplexed, but reckons there’s no harm in it letting the man try.
The motorist is a bit perplexed, but reckons there’s no harm in it letting the man try.
So the passer-by turns around,
and rubs his legs slowly up and down the driver”s door.
Suddenly, the lock opens and the man turns and opens the car door.
“That’s amazing!” says the motorist,
“That’s amazing!” says the motorist,
“How did you do it?”
“It’s easy,” replies the pedestrian,
“It’s easy,” replies the pedestrian,
Kiss my ass
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Bonus Cartoons....Eskimos
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Two drunk men were sitting in the park.
The first one says,
"Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands."
"By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if Itried really hard."
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend itin half with just one hand."
"So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?"
"Well", says the first,
"I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
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Phils Philosophy
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
I stole Job of a Lifetime. That's a good one. I've given you credit as always.
ReplyDeleteHave a terrific day. :)