248 This is the last post for about a month as I am heading off to USA/Canada
for some holidays and to catch up with a few friends
Phils Phun will return early in August
Airline travel can be fun but very tiresome
Ican't afford business class ,nor economy class
so I have decided to travel no class
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Lost your job??
Applying for another??
Don’t take no for an answer
This gem is perfect for todays economy.
So this goes out to all of those individuals that have lost their jobs but not their sense of humor.
Thank you for your letter rejecting my application for employment with your firm.
I have received rejections from an unusually large number of well qualified organizations.
With such a varied and promising spectrum of rejections from which to select,
it is impossible for me to consider them all.
After careful deliberation, then, and because a number of firms have found me more unsuitable, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your rejection.
Despite your company’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants,
I find that your rejection does not meet with my requirements at this time.
As a result, I will be starting employment with your firm on the first of the month.
Circumstances change and one can never know when new demands for rejection arise. Accordingly, I will keep your letter on file in case my requirements for rejection change.
Please do not regard this letter as a criticism of your qualifications in attempting to refuse me employment. I wish you the best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,”
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Bloopers
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A man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her,
"Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."
"Oh, Daddy," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving Mummy."
"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed the father.....
"You can Take her with you!!!"
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Modern technology
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Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications thatMake me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore
.Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God,I still have my driver's license.
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See how you go!!
I know bugger all about Golf but scored one over par????
WHY GOLF IS BETTER THAN SEX
1. A below par performance is considered good.
2. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and beer.
3. It is much easier to find the sweet spot
.4. Foursomes are encouraged.
5. You can still make money doing it as a senior
.6. Three times a day is possible.
7. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else
.8. You can do it every day.
9. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you are finished
10. BEST OF ALL...
If your equipment gets old and rusty you can replace it
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Cartoons.....Chickens
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Five Englishmen are walking along the Thames, discussing terms of venery.
(Terms of venery are names for groups of animals, such as
“pod” of whales or “exaltation” of larks.)
They see three English prostitutes, and wonder what the term of venery is for them.
The first English gentleman says, “A fanfare of strumpets.”
The second says, “No, it’s a trey of tarts.”
The third says, “No, a volume of Trollope’s.”
The fourth says, “Nope, a pride of loins.”
The fifth says, “No, I say it’s an anthology of English prose.”
stolen from Archies Archive
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MATES
The first English gentleman says, “A fanfare of strumpets.”
The second says, “No, it’s a trey of tarts.”
The third says, “No, a volume of Trollope’s.”
The fourth says, “Nope, a pride of loins.”
The fifth says, “No, I say it’s an anthology of English prose.”
stolen from Archies Archive
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MATES
..........
In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia.
Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then,
and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household.
As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day,
As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day,
in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace,
the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their country.
One of the topics of conversation was the Grand Canyon in Colorado.
Of course, the American were quite boastful about this being the largest canyon in the world, when suddenly, from the head of the table, the Czar stood up,and made an announcement.
“In Russia,” he said, “we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!”
Now no-one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar,
“In Russia,” he said, “we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!”
Now no-one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar,
but of course no-one believed him either.
Finally, the American president stood up, and said “Okay. Let’s see this canyon then.”
So an expedition was organised.
Finally, the American president stood up, and said “Okay. Let’s see this canyon then.”
So an expedition was organised.
Of course, their destination was way out in the remote wilderness,
and they only had horses to travel with, so the going was slow.
But eventually, after several weeks grueling journey,
they finally arrived at where the canyon was supposed to be.
But there wasn’t one. Not even a little one.
And then it dawned on everyone –
But there wasn’t one. Not even a little one.
And then it dawned on everyone –
he had been using Czar chasm to make them look stupid.
stolen from Archies Archive
Bill had been getting progressively more bald at a very young age,
stolen from Archies Archive
Bill had been getting progressively more bald at a very young age,
and it was depressing him quite a bit.
Eventually, he decided to get a wig,
and the following evening he came into the pub looking 10 years younger,
with a full head of jet black hair.
The locals admired his new look, and complimented him on how realistic it looked.
Eventually, Joe asked him for a closer look, and, though slightly embarrassed,
he slipped the wig off and handed it over.
However, as soon as Joe took the wig, he began to complain about everything:
the weather, his job, the quality of the pint, anything and everything you could think of.
Puzzled by this irresistable urge to moan, he handed the wig to Tom to give back to Bill,
and suddenly his normal good humour re-asserted itself.
Tom, however, even in the few seconds he had the wig in his hands,
had already announced to the pub that his wife was useless: couldn't cook,
and was ferociously dirty around the house, but not, unfortunately, when she got to bed.
Again, as soon as he had handed the wig back to Bill, the torrent of complaints dried up,
and he was his old cheerful self again.
The three friends, completely confused and puzzled,
were starting to discuss what on earth had happened,
when the barman leant across the counter towards them,
and told them not to worry about it.
"Why?" they asked.
"Ah, 'tis perfectly natural, lads!" he said.
"Sure doesn't everybody complain when they have Bill's toupee?"
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Wedding Photo's
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A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school.
He talked to the children about his tribe and its traditions,
then shared with them this fun fact:
"There are no swear words in the Cherokee language."
One boy raised his hand,
"But what if you're hammering a nail and accidentally smash your thumb?"
"That," the man answered,
"is when we use your language."
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Max Merritt & The Meteors' promo-video for the hit single 'Slippin' Away'
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Max Merritt & The Meteors' promo-video for the hit single 'Slippin' Away'
taken from the 1976 album 'Out Of The Blue'.
Max Merritt's career dates back to the mid-50's in New Zealand.
His band the Meteors had been through various incarnations
before disbanding in the early 1980's.
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............................somebody's excited
Phils Philosophy
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If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
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