Phils Phun

247

Its almost time to go on holidays.
Will post once more before heading off to Canada/USA

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Gilbert Becaud

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Trick To Get An Apartment

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but when they arrived, they had great difficulty finding a suitable apartment to live in.
Although many were big enough, the landlords always seemed to object to such a large family living there. If only Bill wasn't so honest about the size of his family!
After several days of unsuccessful searching, Bill had an idea. He told Sarah to take the four younger children to visit the local cemetery while he went with the older three children to find an apartment. After looking for most of the morning, Bill found a place that was ideal.
The landlord asked him, "How many children do you have?"
Bill answered with a deep sigh, "Seven . . . but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery."
He got the apartment!

Kiwi Humour

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By Popular demand

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Little Johnny went to his first school dance.

He didn't know if he would ever get up the nerve to ask a girl out to dance.
As the night went on everybody was dancing except Little Johnny.

He just sat in the corner looking at everyone having fun.
Finally as the last song started to play Little Johnny spotted two
very cute girls across the room sitting at their table.

He walked over and asked one if she would like to dance.

She looked him up and down and said

"I am sorry but I am very particular with whom I dance with."
Little Johnny being the smart boy that he is, replied,

"You can dam will see that I am not."

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Cartoons.....Animals

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Gotta love Dusty

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A fellow, who frequently left the office to play golf,

instructed his secretary to tell all callers that he was away from his desk.
After he left the office, a member of his foursome forgot which
course they were playing that day, and called for information.

The loyal girl would only reply that her boss was away from his desk.
"Just tell me," the golfer persisted,

"Is he five miles away from his desk, twenty miles away from his desk,

or thirty miles away from his desk?"

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You wouldn't get me standing on this

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Guy who stutters
This guy who stutters badly, walks into a bar, and says,
"Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer".
The Bartender, who is badly humpbacked, serves him a beer
and says, "That will be $2.50 please."
The guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says,
"Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"
The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price."
The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, "Sssay!
bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease."
The bartender serves him a shot of whiskey and says, "That
will be $5.00 please."
The guy says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!"
The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price."
The guy pays him, drinks his whiskey and, before leaving
says, "Bbbartender, tthanks for nnot mmmaking fffun of
my ssstuttering wwwhile I wwas in hhhere."
The bartender replies, "Oh that's OK. I want to thank you
for not making fun of my humpback while you were in here."
The guy says "Oh ttthat's OK. Eeverything else in tthis
ppplace wwas so hhhigh, I ttthougt it wwas yyour ass."