246
For Barry
WHAT COLOUR IS THE WIND
written and sung by Charlie Landsborough
What colour is the wind, Daddy
Is it yellow, red or blue
When he's playing with my hair, Daddy
Does he do the same to you
When he's dying does his colour fade
Is a gentle breeze a lighter shade
Just like his friend the sea
The wind feels blue to me
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When the blackbird starts to sing, Daddy
Do the flowers hear him, too
When he's pouring out his heart, Daddy
Tell me, what do roses do
Do they cast their scent upon the air
And is fragrance just a rose in prayer
Giving thanks to God above
For the blackbird's song of love
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CHORUS:
Blow, wind, blow
Wild and free
My Daddy says
You're a lot like me
I know each colour
Its shape and size
I've seen them all
With my Daddy's eyes
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I know that grass is green, Daddy
I've touched it with my toes
And snow is purest white, Daddy
I've felt it with my nose
But my favorite colour has to be
The colour of your love for me
And Daddy, I've been told
That love is always gold
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REPEAT CHORUS
:My Daddy says
You're a lot like me
What colour is the wind
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Q: What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
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The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader
and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points!
"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned,
"name two of Santa's reindeer."
The contestant, a man in his early thirties,
gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question.
"Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"
The studio audience started to applaud
(as the little sign above their heads said to do)
but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied,
"Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'"
"You know," the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing,
"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed.
"Olive, the other reindeer
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Naked Fireman Calendar 2009
For all you women who love firemen
This will make your heart flutter
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Drink Milk
stolen from Bunk@Tacky Raccoons
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English
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Cartoons....Men and Women
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A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had the habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, He found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun intothe air,
caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelledwith surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas!
And I don't like to have to do whatI dun in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside,
and his horse had been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town.
The bar-tender wandered out of the bar and asked,
"Say pardner,before you go...what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home."
Henry was an entomologist at the local university.
He was to be up for a promotion this year and with the promotion would come tenure.
But there was a problem.
It was not that he couldn’t teach –
It was not that he couldn’t teach –
indeed two years ago he’d been honored by the undergraduates
by being named their favorite teacher –
No his problem was with his research:
He hadn’t had a successful research project in several years,
and in this day of “Publish or Perish”, this was not a good situation.
So that day, feeling depressed,
So that day, feeling depressed,
he left the University as soon as his morning lecture was over,
so that he could work in his garden.
This always had been effective in relieving tension in the past.
But to his chagrin, he found most of his roses were dying,
and on further examination found they were infested with a parasite.
But what were these insects.
But what were these insects.
They appeared to belong to the order Anapleura.
That was strange.
Anapleura infected mammals not plants.
He examined them more closely.
He examined them more closely.
Small. Wingless. Definitely a species of Pediculosis, but one he had never seen before.
He gathered up several specimens, and rushed to his lab, full of new vigor.
He examined the insects and detail and
rapidly wrote an article describing this new species of insect.
Well, I’m sure you know result.
Well, I’m sure you know result.
The article was immediately accepted by the American Journal of Entomology.
His job was saved and he received his coveted tenure.
And he received a new major grant to study this new species.
You could say he had discovered a new lice on leaf.
You could say he had discovered a new lice on leaf.
stolen from Archies Archive
This company had a real superior product in its butter substitute,
but the company went under one time when it received an order
for a million pounds of the stuff.
Some of the employees made mistakes in preparing the product
and much of it was wasted.
They were not able to deliver in time.
The company had not allowed enough margarine for error.
Look carefully
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There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.
When he wasn't looking, mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink.
After a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.
When he returned, his trousers are wet all over.
'What happened, Grandpa?' asked his concerned grand children.
'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had to go to the bathroom.
So I took it out and started to pee,
but then I noticed it wasn't mine,
so I put it back!'
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said,
"Now,class, if I stood on my head, the blood,
as you know,would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
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and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked:
"what are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
The doctor replied,
"One hundred percent.
Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.
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