360

-------

Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux.

Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux , you see dat ole barn out dere?

Well man, its completely infestered wit' rats.

I tried everything I know an' can't get rid of dem."

Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know zactly how to get rid of dem rats.

You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors."

Thibodeaux say, "Whats a bull constriptor?"

Boudreaux explains, "man. Dats one of dem big ole snakes

and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once."

Well, da nex' day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm

and bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got.

He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle

and just sat dere and watched.

Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time, I mean long,

an dere wasn't nuttin' happenin'.

Dat big o le snake jus curled up hiself in da middle of dat barn and slept all day.

He didn't even move and dem rats jus run all around.

Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da phone,

"Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake.

Dem rats is still runnin' al around an' dat snake

jus lays dere sleepin' all day long."

Boudreaux say, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do.

Give dat snake some Viagra."

Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?"

Boudreaux say, "I was just listening to da radio

and de man say dat Viagra is da best t'ing

to use for a reptile dysfunction."

--------

------

HEMA is a Dutch department store.

The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam

. Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands .

Take a look at HEMA's product page -

just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens.

DON'T click on any of the items in the picture, just wait.

This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer,

who has too much time on his hands.

http://producten.hema.nl/

thanks Liz Z

---------

Those Funny Animals

---------------------------

Best truck driver in the world

--------

The Wisdom Of Will Rogers:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman... neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading.

The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to touch the electric fence for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look backevery now

and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. AND FINALLY,

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.

He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him...

The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

----------

Don't watch this if your afraid of heights

thanks David J

--------------------------

BOOKS

-----------------------------------

Economy
"The economy is so bad that...I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail

.Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford batteries

.CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen

.I saw a Mormon with only one wife

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street ' Wal-Mart Street .

'When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates

.And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs,

my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.

, I called the Suicide Hotline.

I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal,

they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck..."

----------------

BLAST from the PAST




--------------------------

When Kit Carson wasn't out exploring, he lived on a small farm.

One day, the famous frontiersman decided to surprise his wife

with eggs and fish for breakfast.

Arising early, he went down to the henhouse

and collected some fresh eggs.
On the way back, he stopped at the pond

and landed a magnificent large-mouth bass.

He wasn't sure how to carry everything—

then he had an idea.

He carefully dropped the eggs inside the fish and started for home

. Suddenly, the Western hero found himself confronted

by a mean, hungry wolf.

Fearing that he might become a meal for the canine,

he threw the bass aside and hurried up a nearby tree.

From there, he watched as the wolf grabbed

his fish, eggs and all and ran off.
When Carson got back home empty handed,

he related the adventure to Mrs. Carson.

She responded,
"You shouldn't have put all your eggs in one bass, Kit."


----

A young lad is caught stealing soap from the local soap factory,

when the case comes to caught the judge decides

to make an example of him to discourage other youths from a life of crime

Judge: Well, what have you to say in your defense?

Boy: I'm sorry your honor.

Judge: I sentence you to 10 years hard labor, starting immediately.

Boy: But sir, it were only a few bars of cheap soap.

Judge: Consider yourself lucky, it could have been life boy!

--------------------

-------------------------------

SOMETHING AUSSIE

-------------------------




Men who lack adult supervision

thanks Duke

--------

----------------------------




Super hero's

-----------------------

FLASHER

A 61 year old woman from Brooklyn sewed in linings

for a coat manufacturer in the garment district of Manhattan for 37 years.

Every day she rode the bus back & forth to work & one day,

while she was waiting at the bus stop,

a seedy looking man in an overcoat came shuffling by.

As he passed the woman, he turned suddenly,

threw open his overcoat & flashed her.

She looked at him for a moment and said,

"You call THAT a lining?"


thanks duke


------------------------



PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this

----------------

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.