398

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Searching in the mall for a comfy cotton nightgown,

Anna decided to try her luck in a shop renowned for its sexy lingerie,

without much hope of finding something suitable.

However, to her delight, she found the perfect nightdress.

Moreover, while waiting in line to purchase her selection,

she noticed a young woman behind her holding the exact same nightie.

This proved what she had long suspected: despite being in her forties,

she had kept up more than adequately with current fashions.

"I see we have the same taste," she said,

somewhat proudly, to the teenager behind her.

"Yes," the young woman replied.

"I'm getting this for my grandma."

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First-year students at the Purdue Vet School

were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them,

"In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.

The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animals body."

For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet,

stuck his finger in the butt of the cow,

withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes,

but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow

and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked a them and said,

"the second most important quality is observation.

I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.

Now learn to pay attention."


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Those funny Animals

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thanks Duke
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A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed,

tubes coming out everywhere.

A week later another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking, etc.

A couple more weeks before one of them had the strength

to raise his hand and point to himself and said:

"Scottish."

The other signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said,

"Irish."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before

the first summoned up the strength to say,

"Glasgow."

The second replied in a very frail voice,

"Dublin."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out.

Days passed by before the first man managed

to again point to himself and say,

"Jimmy."

Replied the other

, "Paddy."

A few hours later, Jimmy managed to point

to himself again and rasp out weakly:

"Cancer."

Paddy responded:

"Sagittarius."

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Nursery Rhymes Fun

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Blast from the Past





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I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today,

and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace

is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished.

I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot,

a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum,

a pockage of Prungles, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins,

the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.

Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss.
An telum,u blody luvum !!!!

thanks David J



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Two cadets at an Arizona Air Force academy were bragging

in their off time about what good hunters they were.

Well, it seems that they decided to have a contest,

and whoever won the contest would be accounted the better hunter.

To make the things a little more interesting,

they each put up a pint of the best whiskey they could find.

There had been rumors that a lion had escaped the local zoo

and was roaming around loose in the desert that surrounded the academy.

The contest was that whoever bagged the lion

and brought it back to base was the winner.

The first cadet borrowed a large hunting rifle

and set about hunting down the lion in the conventional manner.

The second cadet, who was perhaps a bit more inventive than his counterpart,

secured a training jet from the local commander,

loaded the wing guns with live ammunition

and headed out over the dessert in search of the lion.

It wasn't long before he spotted it,

and, from the safety of the plane, killed it.

He took the plane down, loaded the lion's body into the copilot's seat

and headed back to base, where he promptly downed both bottles.

Which just goes to show that a

strafed lion is the shortest distance between two pints.

Bill Brabant

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SOMETHING AUSSIE

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Sean got home in the early hours of the morning

after a night at the local pub.

He made such a racket hitting into the furniture

as he weaved his way through the house,

that he woke up the missus.

"What on earth are you doing down there?"

she yelled down from the bedroom

. "Get yourself up here to bed and don't waken the neighbors."

"I'm trying to get a barrel of Guinnes up the stairs" he shouted

."Leave it 'till the morning" she shouted down

"I can't" he said

"I've drank it!"


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More people from Walmart

thanks Duke and Geoff C

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EMBED-Monkey Bars 360 Fail - Watch more free videos


A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

'Olympic condoms?', she blurts,

'What makes them so special?'

'There are three colors', he replies,

'Gold, Silver and Bronze.'

'What color are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks cheekily.

'Gold of course', says the man proudly.

The wife responds, 'really, why don't you wear Silver:

it would be nice if you came second for a change!’


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COPS

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Military Talk

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly

is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building,"

they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it,

and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand,

would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.


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but I leave you with this

stolen from Kitty L


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