411

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Dear Abby,

My husband has a long record of money problems.

He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month,

if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money.

He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest,

 but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors

 that most of them no longer speak to us.

The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts,

running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious.

One week he hangs out with Catholics

 and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ,

and the next he's with Muslums.

Finally, the last straw.

He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him,

 they must sign a loyalty oath.

It's just so horribly creepy!

Can you help?

. Signed, Lost in DC

. Dear Lost:

Stop whining, Michelle.

You can divorce the jerk any time you want.

The rest of us are stuck with him for two more years!



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A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart

and asks where the pharmacy counter is.

He is directed to it.

When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist.

The blonde pharmacist comes and the man,

 looking around furtively, asks quietly,

"Do you sell Viagra here?"

The blonde pharmacist answers firmly,

 "Yes, sir. We certainly do."

The man then asks

 "Do you think I could get it over the counter?"

The Blonde pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says,

"If you took five or six pills at once you might."

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Those funny Animals

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this video has been around for awhile but is funny enough to see again

thanks Wayne W

--------------------

thanks Liz and Allan

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one man show

thanks Liz Z

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Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when,

 through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow

 and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette,

 and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left.

 He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move,

 lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

 Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt,

 he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath.

With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body,

 and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says,

"What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me,"

 says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.

 "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in

the bedroom d'partment,

 and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a tractor'."

thanks Charlotte H

 
 
 

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thanks David J

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The only way to fish

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Weight Watchers

thanks Toni for the toons

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Signs of the Times

---------

DAVE CLARK FIVE

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Seamus and the Blonde

Seamus and the blonde are having a drink at the pub.

 Seamus turns to her and says,

 "Here's hoping you're in heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead."

"What's that mean?" asks the blonde.

"It's an authentic Irish toast!" says Seamus.

"Oh," replies the blonde.

 "Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon!"

"What's that?" asks Seamus.

"That's authentic French toast!"

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thanks Gordon H

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Good Prank

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 thanks Pommy Jane

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 thanks Kitty L

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Western Australia



 Cape Le Grande Beach   ...near Esperance

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.