453

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Young Cassanova

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The wanna be Leader of the Opposition of the Australian Liberals

thanks Gordon H

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The Pentagon confirmed last week it killed al-Qaeda’s new leader
 in a drone missile attack in western Pakistan.
In the last three years, three leaders and their replacement leaders
 have been killed by the U.S. military.
 Who says President Obama
isn’t creating jobs?


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If the global crisis continues at the present rate,
by the end of this year only two banks will be left operational
..... the Blood Bank and the Sperm Bank!

Before you know it, these two will merge,
 and the whole place will be full of bloody wankers.

thanks Jayne M

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Something to think about



---------------------

thanks Jayne M

------------

Before the fall of the Soviet Union, a Russian Jew applied to immigrate to Israel.

 The local Soviet commissar called him in for questioning and asked:

“Haven’t we allowed you the right to worship in your Synagogue?”

“Can’t complain.”

“Haven’t we let you live in peace with your fellow Jews?”

“Can’t complain.”

“Haven’t we allowed you to travel freely within and beyond the village?”

“Can’t complain.”

“Haven’t we allowed you to teach your children Torah?”

“Can’t complain.”

“Haven’t we let you practice your profession?”

“Can’t complain.”

“Then why do you want to go to Israel?”

He replies, “There I can complain!”

--------------------------

Anklebiters

Little Brother

---

Those Funny Animals

--------------------------

-----------------------

The Pope & the aussie sailor

Pope John Paul dies of old age and finds himself at the gates of Heaven at 0300.

 He knocks on the gate and a sleepy-eyed watchman opens the gate and asks,

 "Waddyah want?"

"I'm the recently deceased Pope and have done 68 years of godly works

 and thought I should check in here."

The watchman checks his clipboard and says,

 "I ain't got no orders for you here. Just bring your stuff in and we'll sort it out in the morning."

 They go to an old WWII barracks, 3rd floor, open bay.

All the bottom racks are taken and all empty lockers have no doors.

 The Pope stows his gear under a rack and climbs into an upper bunk.

The next morning he awakens to sounds of cheering and clapping.

 He goes to the window and sees a flashy Jaguar convertible

 parading down the clouds from the golden headquarters building.

The cloud walks are lined with saints and angels cheering and tossing confetti.

 In the back seat sits an Aussie sailor; his medals glistening on his chest,

a Havana cigar in his mouth, a can of San Miguel beer in one hand,

and his other arm around a voluptuous blonde Angel with magnificent halos.

This sight disturbs the Pope and he runs downstairs to the Master-at-Arms shack and says,

 "Hey, what gives? You put me, the Pope with 68 years of godly deeds,

 in an open bay barracks, while this Aussie sailor,

who must've committed every sin known and unknown to man

 is staying in a mansion on the hill and getting a hero's welcome. How can this be?"

The Master at Arms calmly looks up and says,

 "Hey, we get a Pope up here every 20 or 30 years,

 but we've never had an Aussie sailor before.

--------

---

 Meanwhile in NZ for the World Rugby Cup

-------------------------------

----

--

 Fixed by Men

thanks Jayne M

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---------------------------------

No cellphones in church please

thanks Toni

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Drinking

----------------------

Tom Selleck's moustache and the Movies

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--

 Funny Signs

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Only in America

PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

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