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Finally, the true story as told by Hillary to world leaders…………

Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when,

 at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill,

 and they had to get a replacement on short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff

but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger

in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff,

 but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny.

By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President

had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon,

scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps

and was so disorientated that he couldn’t remember which door led to the bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened.

As he unzipped his trousers and ran in,

 he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky’s office

 with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out,

she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice,

“Sack my cook.”

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred

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Things you should know

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Google Puppets

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thanks Esther R and Diane McV

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Yoga and Wine

thanks toni

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Rockingham  [Perth WA ] flood victims need assistance -

Please Give Generously

Torrential rain hit Rockingham in the early hours of last night.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, flannies soaked,

woollen trackies sagging, muttering 'Faaackinell'.

Flood waters devastated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed

. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.

The Rockingham Times reported that hundreds of residents were confused

and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact

 that something interesting had happened in Read St ..

One resident - Tracy Maree Sharon Britney Madonna Skye-Smith,

 a 15-year-old mother of 5 said

 'It was such a shock, my little daughter Chardonnay-Mercedes

came running in to my bedroom crying.

 My youngest two Joachim and River slept through it all.'

 The water rushed in the front door and out the back – it was amazing,

 the place has never been so clean!”

Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers

 to the area to help the stricken locals.

 Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble

and have found large quantities of personal belongings,

 including Health Care Cards, Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels

 for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

 Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

 flannelette Shirts, tight blue jeans or spandex, singlets (blue & white)

 white sport socks, Ugg boots, hoodies

 and any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs urgently needed include:

 Microwave meals, Baked Beans, Ice cream, Sarah Lee Frozen Cheesecakes,

 Chips, all Fizzy drinks, Wagon Wheels, Tim Tams, Coco Pops and Fruit Loops.

 No Diet Coke

Donations of $ 25.00 will be taken to buy a packet of Winny blue 25s[ciggies]

 and a lighter and cans of Jim Bean to calm the nerves of those affected.

thanks Brett McG

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its the 90's

IT'S THE 90S! from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

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Those Funny Animals

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Motorcyycle Dog

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ROSES & HANGING BASKETS

A teenage granddaughter

comes downstairs for her date

with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

Her grandmother went mad,

Telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her

'Loosen up Gran.

These are modern times.

You gotta let your rose buds show!'

and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs,

and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on.

The teenager wants to die.

She explains to her grandmother

that she has friends coming over

and that it is just not appropriate....

The grandmother says,

'Loosen up, Sweetie.

If you can show off your rose buds,

then I can display my hanging baskets.

thanks Jayne M

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Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15 :)..

thanks Gordon H

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Don't judge a book by its cover

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For the ladies

I'm safe the wife doesn't read this blog

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My husband and I heard a man pounding on the door to the hotel room next to ours and shouting,

"Honey, open the door! Let me in!"

After five minutes of this noise, my husband went out in the hallway and asked,

 "Is everything okay?"

"I locked myself out of the room," the man replied.

 "I think my wife's in the shower and can't hear me."

My husband invited him in to use our telephone to call his wife.

 The man dialed his room.

 "It's ringing now," he said.

"She'll let me in, and I can leave you folks in peace."

Through the wall we could hear the phone ringing next door

. After four rings, we heard the man's wife yell,

 "Honey! Answer the phone!"

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OOPS!!!   LOL

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Road rage Russian Style

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In the depths of the countryside there lived a farmer who took care of baby animals.

The farm was very peaceful until one day the farmer's pig was murdered.

 Now the farmer took this incident very seriously, so he started an investigation.

Unfortunately, the only witness the farmer had to this murder was his pet bunny rabbit.

Since the rabbit was unable to speak and tell him who murdered the little pig,

 the farmer lined up his four prime suspects --

 a cow, a horse, a goat and a duck.

 He told the rabbit to pick out who had committed the dirty deed.

The rabbit hopped up and down the line,

 checking each animal, then finally hopped forward three feet, and stopped in front of the goat.

 "It wasn't me! It wasn't me!" yelled the goat.

The farmer shook his head and said,

"The hare's looking at you, kid."



An award winning dentist will be given a little plaque.

Is a dermatologist’s knowledge only skin deep?

To a cab driver, a rainy day means fare weather.

I’m inclined to be laid back.

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Chinese head walker

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY



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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.