468

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The Sunscreen Song

Watch it all and take note

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War is Hell

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The Indian Olympics...

The Indian Olympics were taking place in Duncan, B.C.

and the next competition was the Hammer Toss.

The first Indian up was representing New Brunswick.

 He grabs the hammer and tosses it 250 yards.

"Holy shit you have broken the world’s record,

 How'd you do it?" he is asked.

"My grandfather was a fisher, my father is a fisher

and I am a fisher, have strong arms, throw hammer far."

The second Indian is representing BC,

grabs the hammer and tosses it 300 yards.

."You just broke the last guys record, How'd you do it?" he is asked.

"My grandfather was a logger, my father is a logger

 and I am a logger, have strong arms, throw hammer far."

The third Indian is representing Alberta

and he grabs the hammer and throws it 375 yards.

"Holy shit, you just blew everyone away, How'd you do it?"

"My grandfather was on welfare, my father is on welfare

 and I am on welfare.

I was taught that if I ever see a tool,

pick it up and throw it as far away as possible."

thanks Liz Z

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Study these 3 photos closely, then read the message at the bottom.

It will explain lots and lots of things..... as if you didn't already know.

THIS IS INDIA . IT'S WHERE YOU CALL WHEN YOU

HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER.

thanks Jayne M

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The "Axe"  effect

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Those Funny Animals

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thanks Liz Z

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Crank up your volume

Switch to full screen and enjoy

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Catholic Heart Attack

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.

 The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.

 The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital

where he had emergency open- heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns

 at the Catholic hospital he was taken to.

 A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms and a pen.

She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,

 "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

thanks Diane McV

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Idiots

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thanks Elizabeth m5

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thanks Marjorie K

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20 years together & the wife still gets upset if I use her toothbrush.

So if anyone knows another way to get dog crap  out of trainers I am all  ears...

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My mate’s missus left him last Thursday;

 she said she was going out for a pint of milk + never come back!

 I asked him how he was coping and he said 'not bad,

 I've been using that powdered stuff'. . .

thanks Toni S

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-

Rosalie was over having coffee with Pandora,

 whose husband had just died.

 "Oh, it's just awful, Pandora, what you've been through.

 I can't imagine the pain, watching your husband drown before your very eyes!"

"Yes, it was terrible. I don't want to talk about it," Pandora replied

 between great sobs and greater tears.

"But," persisted Rosalie, "at least he left you something?"

"Yes," sobbed Pandora. "Ten million dollars."

"My gosh! That's incredible. Ten million dollars?

 A man who didn't even know how to read or write..."

Pandora sobbed: "... swim, either."

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Golf

Golfer

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course..

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says,

 "Don't you see the sign?

It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it.

That is myball there..

 May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looks at the man and says,

 "I understand."

He then walks back to the golf cart,

gets another golf ball,

then walks back and throws it into the yard.

The man says, "What is that for?"

The golfer replies,

"I consider myself a gentleman,

and I believe every prick should have two balls."

thanks Gordon H

thanks to Toni S  for the golfing cartoons

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Don Rickles

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thanks Shelagh N

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 thanks elizabeth m5



  

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

thanks Elizabeth m5

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.