Phils Phun

527

Happy New Year

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the world in two minutes

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Those funny Animals

two dogs dining

look closely!

mom to the rescue

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An old G.P. and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical Conference. Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.
"I wonder what's the matter with him?" asked the nurse.
"He's a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers badly from hemorrhoids," replied the G.P.
"Well, why he's scratching his elbow?" asked the puzzled nurse.
"Oh, he's a politician, and he doesn't know his arse from his elbow."

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thanks Richard from Canada

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This Isn't Shopped of the Day

Here's an aerial photograph of Lake Hillier in Western Australia,

glowing in Pepto Bismol pink.

The water in the region gets its distinctive pink color from a combination

of a green algae, halobacteria and brine prawn.

And Lake Louise in Canada in winter

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the Xmas Scale

thanks Wayne W

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The moment before!!!!

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As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen, Pa
stopped him, calling: "Waiter!"
"Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?"
"The soup. Taste it," replied Pa.
"I beg your pardon, Sir?"
"Taste it."
"But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
"Taste it," Pa persisted.
"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest
ingredients."
"Taste it!"
The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right,
Sir, I'll taste it."

Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"

To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... "

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How to miss the runway

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POSTERS

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1. Two blonds walk into a building ... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - 'If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he could reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself..

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him.' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'

14. Guy goes into the doctor’s. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.' 'How's that?' 'Don't you start.'

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff ... boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17.. So I was getting into my car, and this guy says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it..'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

19. Two fat neb are in a pub, one says to the other ‘Your round.' The other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard....'

20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

21. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'ParkingThe doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore'

23. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

24."The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."
"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."
"Don't argue with me. I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."
"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"
"In the swimming pool." Fine.' So that was nice.

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'