569

#################

Mozart meets the Wild West

thanks Wayne W

#############

Inspirational pictures

Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus (sang by a blind girl from the Philippines)

She is Joyce Jimenez, 11 years old from Barangay Luzon,

###################

A woman went shopping, at cash counter she opened her purse to pay.

 The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.

 He couldn’t control his curiosity and asked,

 “Do you always carry your TV remote with you ?

” She replied, “No, not always, but my husband refused

 to accompany me for shopping today, so 

…The shopkeeper smiles and takes back all the items

 that the lady had purchased.

 Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper,

 What are you doing ?” 

He said, “Your husband has blocked your credit card.”

Those Funny Animals

Clumsy Cats

#####################

 Respect my Privacy

Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter.'

 who has stabbed six people in the rear in the last 48 hours,

 believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

Murphy says to Paddy,

 "What ya talkin' into an envelope for?" 

"I'm sending a voicemail, ya thick sod!"

Just got back from my mate's funeral. 

He died after being hit in the face with a tennis ball.

 It was a lovely service

Antiques enthusiast Mary spent all her free time haunting second-hand stores,

 flea markets, and other likely spots where she might encounter the odd find:

 a valuable antique of some sort, whose seller was unaware of its value

 and was offering it for a low price.

On most of her expeditions she came up empty, 

but she enjoyed the thrill of the hunt 

and felt amply rewarded when she did manage to purchase

 a valuable old something-or-other from its unwitting seller.

On one such expedition, buried in the back of a thrift shop, 

Mary encountered a small, old-fashioned kerosene lighting device. 

Her heart leapt at the sight of it; 

she was sure it was worth considerably more than the dollar on the price tag.

Unfortunately, though, her newest find was infested with small albino insects 

that had jumped from the store’s feline. 

She bought it all the same, though.

Now Mary had a little lamp.

 Its fleas were white as snow.

Atheism in the mid west or the deep south is something rarely found to exist. 

So when a woman who claimed to be a relative of Madalyn O'Hair

 approached the Tax Assessor in Dubuque, Iowa, 

for an exemption from property taxes,

 it was quite a surprise.

The tax assessor told this young woman that in this small Midwestern town

 there were no exemptions granted to non religious organizations.

 Although they used to grant such exemptions to churches 

and other religious organizations,

 the Supreme Court's decisions of the recent past

 had influenced them to no longer do so.

"That may be so," the young woman said.

 "But you still offer exemptions for charitable organizations do you not?"

"Yes, we do," was the chilly reply.

 "But you have to prove that you qualify as a break-even endeavor."

"Then it is obvious we should be allowed the exemption," 

the young woman asserted. 

"We most certainly qualify as a non-prophet organization."

####################

How Many Countries

###############

POSTERS

#############

Egg Russian Roulette

Transport Dilemma's

############

This weeks Music

--------------------

--------------

#################

Men ..Women... Seniors... Kids

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating 

on her by having an affair with the maid.

 So she laid down a trap.

One evening she suddenly sent the maid home 

for the weekend and didn't tell her husband.

That night when they went to bed,

 the husband gave the old story:

 "Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches"

 and went to the 

bathroom.

The wife promptly went and got into the Maid's bed.

 She switched the lights off. 

When he came in silently, 

he wasted no time or words but had his way with her.

When he finished and was still panting, the wife said:

 "You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" 

And then she switched on the light.

"No ma'am." said the Gardener.

#########

Odds and Ends

################

Toyota Ad

----------------------

Grim Reaper

##############




--

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow

”Ooh”, said the presenter.

 “This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated 

Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London

 at the turn of last century.

 Do you have any idea what they would fetch 

if they were in good condition?”

“Sticks”, said Paddy

################

This weeks Signs

---------------------

   SHORT MEDICAL SCHOOL EXAM

   When I took the entrance exam for medical school, I was

   perplexed by this question:

   "Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I 

 to spell out the part of

   the human body that is most useful when erect."

   Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. 

The rest are now in politics.

thanks Kitty L

##################

Phils Philosophy

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.