573

Shelter

--------------------

-------------------------

Echidna

---------------

Thanks giving

--------------------

Les Paul

...Music performed by Les Paul & the Les Paul Trio at the Iridium Jazz Club

 in New York City with Les Paul on his 90th birthday.

-------------------------

Stunning World Pictures

thanks Kitty L

------------------------------

ChanningTatumspoofsClaud Van Dam me Volvo split on set of 22 jump street

Channing Tatum spoofs Jean Claude Van Damme Volvo split on set of 22 Jump Street

----------------------

Those Funny Animals

 Union is Strength

Kangaroo and Dog are best mates

Animals on Vacation

---------------------

Those of you who have/had animals 

will probably appreciate it more. 

It is a story that is hilarious in itself 

and the person that wrote it is a good writer 

and made the story even better.

 Enjoy... 

We have a fox terrier by the name of Jasper. 

He came to us in the summer of 2001 

from the fox terrier rescue program. 

For those of you who are unfamiliar

 with this type of adoption,

 imagine taking in a 10 year old child about whom

you know nothing and committing 

to doing your best to be a good parent. 

Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies.

 He will only sleep on the bed, 

on top of the covers,

 nuzzled as close to my face as he can get

 without actually performing a French kiss on me.

 Lest you think this is a bad case of 'no discipline,'

 I should tell you that Perry and I 

tried every means to break him of this habit

 including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights. 

The new door cost over $200.

 But I digress. 

Five weeks ago we began remodeling our house.

 Although the cost of the project is downright obnoxious,

 it was 20 years overdue 

AND it got me out of cooking Thanksgiving for family,

 extended family, and a lot of friends 

that I like more than family most of the time. 

I was assigned the task of preparing 124

 of my famous yeast dinner rolls for the

two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend. 

I am still cursing the electrician for getting 

the new oven hooked up so quickly.

 It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked,

 thus the assignment.

I made the decision to cook the rolls on Wed evening

 to reheat Thurs am. 

Since the kitchen was freshly painted, 

you can imagine the odor. 

Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586,

 I put the rolls on baking sheets

 and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours.

 Perry and I decided to go out to eat,

 returning in about an hour. 

The rolls were ready to go in the oven. 

It was 8:30 PM.

 When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans,

 much to my shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty.

 I called out to Jasper 

and my worst nightmare became a reality. 

He literally wobbled over to me.

He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy

 and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. 

He groaned when he walked. 

I swear even his cheeks were bloated.

I ran to the phone and called our vet.

 After a few seconds of uproarious laughter,

 he told me the dog would probably be OK, 

however, I  needed to give him Pepto Bismol

 every 2 hours for the rest of the night.

 God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol

any more than my kids did when they were sick.

 Suffice it to say, that by the time we went to bed,

 the dog was black, white and pink. 

He was so bloated we had to lift him 

onto the bed for the night. 

We arose at 7:30 and as we always do first thing;

 put the dog out to relieve himself.

 Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave.

 He was running into walls, 

falling flat on his butt and, most of the time 

when he was walking, his front half was going one direction

 and the other half was either dragging the grass

 or headed 90 degrees in another direction.

 He couldn't lift his leg to pee, 

so he would just walk and pee at the same time.

 When he ran down the small incline in our back yard

 he couldn't stop himself and 

nearly ended up running into the fence. 

His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.

 I endured another few seconds of laughter

 from the vet (second call within 12 hours)

 before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly

 and that he was indeed drunk. 

He assured me that, not unlike most binges 

we humans go through, 

it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours 

and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.

 Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, 

Perry and I loaded him up and took him with us

 to my sister's house for the first 

Thanksgiving meal of the day. 

My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, 

(10 to 15 minute drive). 

Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12)

 and drunk dog leaning from the back seat

 onto the console of the car between Perry and I, 

we took off. 

Now, I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp,

 but believe me,

 when I say that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls,

 DOGS WILL BURP.

These burps were pure Old Charter.

 They would have matched or beat any smell

 in a drunk tank at the police station.

 But that's not the worst of it. 

Now he was beginning to fart 

and they smelled like baked rolls.

 God strike me dead if I am not telling the truth!

 We endured this for the entire trip to Karen's,

 thankful she didn't live any further away than she did. 

Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage

 with the door locked, we finally sat down to enjoy

 our first Thanksgiving meal of the day.

 The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long

 and everyone made trips to the garage

 to witness my drunken dog,

 each returning with a tale of Jasper's latest endeavor

 to walk without running into something. 

Of course, as the old adage goes,

 'what goes in must come out,'

and Jasper was no exception. 

Granted, if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen,

 unbaked yeast rolls, 

you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind,

 but alas a dog's digestive system 

is quite different from yours or mine.

 I discovered this was a mixed blessing 

when we prepared to leave Karen's house.

 Having discovered his 'packages' on the garage floor,

 we loaded him up in the car so we could hose down the floor. 

 This was another naive decision on our part.

 The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor

 and the poop on the floor withstood 

the blast from the hose.

 It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. 

We finally tried to remove it with a shovel.

 I (obviously no one else was going to offer their services)

 had to get on my hands and knees

 with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor.

 And as if this wasn't degrading enough,

 the darn dog in his drunken state,

 had walked through the poop and left paw prints 

all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too. 

Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely,

 so we took him home and dropped him

 off before we left for our second 

Thanksgiving dinner at Perry's sister's house. 

I am happy to report that as of today (Monday)

 the dog is back to normal both

 in size and temperament.

 He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. 

None the worse for wear I presume.

 I am also happy to report that just this evening 

I found 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls 

hidden inside my closet door. 

It appears he must have come to his senses 

after eating 10 of them, 

but decided hiding 2 of them for later

 would not be a bad idea. 

Now, I'm doing research on the computer 

as to:

 'How to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.' 

And how was your day?

-----------------

-=-----------------

At the Duplex

-----------------------

this weeks Xmas tune

-----------------------------------

A mother and her young son were shopping at a department store

 a few days before christmas. 

Turning the corner, they saw Santa 

with a line of children waiting to see him.

 "Oh look," the mother said to her son.

 "There's Santa!" 

Just as he had done every other time,

 the boy suddenly hid behind his mother.

 Another woman observed this. 

She approached the mother.

 "What's wrong with your son?" she asked.

 "He's afraid of Santa," the mother replied.

 "He's Claustrophobic."

 Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminate.

The land where movies are made is called reel estate.

Shopaholics never die, they just sale away.

Cash cows control bull market stocks!

Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori.

Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter.

The baseball pitcher's personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough.

The concert violinist believed in exercise, consequently, he was fit as a fiddle.

The copyright law is a statute of imitations.

Things can go either way at a kissing gate.

----------------------

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.

The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

--------------------------

Fresh Guacamole

--------------

Posters

-----------------------------

Meanwhile in Australia

Spider Invasion in New South Wales after flooding

Aussie Rove McManus in LA

--------------------------

And in Canada

Learn about Canada at Harvard University

British Colombia

 from the West Coast in and near Vancouver

thanks David T

------------------------

True story reported by an English guy who was stopped

 and asked to give a breathalyzer test.

The English guy lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne 

and at the time he was stopped he was as pis*ed as a fart...

The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window

 then asks him if he has been drinking, 

and with a slurring speech the English guy replies;

 'Yes, this morning I was at my (hic)..daughter's wedding,

 and as I don't like church much I went to the cafe opposite 

and had several beers.'

'Then during the wedding banquet I seem to remember

 downing three great bottles of wine; (hic)... a corbieres

, a Minervois and (hic)...a Faugeres.'

'Then to finish off during the celebrations...

. and (hic) during the evening ...

me and my mate downed a bottle of Johnny Walker's black label.'

Getting impatient the gendarme warns him;

 'Do you understand I'm a policeman 

and have stopped you for an alcohol test'?

The Englishman with a grin on his face replies;

 'Do you understand that I'm English,

 like my car, 

and that my wife is sitting in the other seat, 

at the wheel?'

---------------------

Today's Music

----------------------

----------------------

Phun Phacts

-------------------------

Synchronised walking in Japan

---------------------------

-----------------------

In Russia

--------------------------

This weeks Signs

--------------------

Phils Philosophy

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.