Phils Phun

Its Tuesday evening already
It has stopped raining but more is forecast for the next couple of days
The West Coast Eagles got a towelling from the Saints on Sunday
and have now dropped to third on the ladder
I' m still sulking

Not sure if the TV show "Yes Minister" was shown in the States
but was very popular down under
Here is a funny excerpt from the series

THE IRISH
At a U2 concert in Ireland Bono asks the audience for some quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence,
he says into the microphone...
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence...
" Stop Fookin doing it then!"
----------------------
Patent
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.
I went to the main desk to sign in
and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.
She wrote down my personal info
and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She sniggered and said,
"Those are silly names for products
and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed
the form and left the office without
even telling her about my folding bucket.
-------------------

EARS

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own
and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the
apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open,
and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
"Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment;
she closed the door and leaned against it,
allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him,
"What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked,
"It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked,
"My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid.
Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....
"Outside, when you said you heard someone coming....
That was me."

I might have to get a set of these scales