49Another weekend done and dusted with the Eagles winning and the Dockers back to normal
Looking forward to the Western Derby next weekend as these are always fiery games
Still getting some rainfall
Jessica the Hippo
This was sent by Peter Arthur [Queensland] to Glynis Geen who forwarded it on
Thanks Peter
If you ever wanted a hippo for a pet then here are a few tips
THEME PARTY
One weekend, there was a costume party at a mental hospital, and the theme of the party was "war".
The first patient comes up onto the stage and says, "I am an atomic bomb." He gets his applause and steps down.
The second person comes up and says, "I am a hydrogen bomb." Again, there is a round of applause and he steps down.
And then a naked little man comes up to the stage and says, "I'm dynamite." Everybody in the audience runs away hysterically.
When one of the mental patients was asked why they all ran away, he replied, "Didn't you see how short his fuse was?"
[Thanks Miss Cellania]
Some computer cartoons
Have posted this before, but its worth a repeat
RETIREMENT BONUS
If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired!
The Navy found they had too many officers and non coms
and decided to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement
a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line
between any two points in his body.
The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured
from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.
He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter
and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes.
He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who,
when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
"From the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received.
But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him
providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did.
The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie
and began to work back.
Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed,
"Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied,
"Vietnam."
------------
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.
During one battle, the French captured an English colonel.
They took him to their headquarters,
They took him to their headquarters,
and the French general began to question him.
Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked,
Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked,
“Why do you English officers all wear red coats?
Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?”
In his bland English way, the officer informed the general
In his bland English way, the officer informed the general
that the reason English officers wear red coats is if they are shot
the blood won’t show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.
And that is why, from that day to this, all Australian Army officers wear brown pants.
And that is why, from that day to this, all Australian Army officers wear brown pants.
-------------
Two robins were sitting on a branch high in a tree.
One looked down and saw a field full of worms.
Turning to the second bird he said,
"We ought to go down there and eat."
"Good idea," said his friend.
The two of them flew down to the field and ate their fill and then some.
"Good idea," said his friend.
The two of them flew down to the field and ate their fill and then some.
When he could eat no more one said to the other,
"You know, we ought to stop eating and fly back to our branch."
Rubbing his belly the second responded, "Yep."
With that they tried to fly to their branch in the tree,
Rubbing his belly the second responded, "Yep."
With that they tried to fly to their branch in the tree,
but they had eaten too much to get off the ground.
The second one said, "Maybe we should just stay here and relax in the sun."
Before long the two birds slept, basking in the afternoon sun.
As they slept, a cat happened upon the field.
As they slept, a cat happened upon the field.
Seeing the birds, sleeping,
and since they were totally oblivious to his presence, the cat pounced.
As feathers settled around him, the cat rubbed his belly,
and said, "There is nothing better than baskin robbins."
Crank up your volume for this sixties classic
Do Wah Diddy "Manfred Mann"
A bear funny
A bear funny
Post a comment below
