76
Reasonably quiet week with just more work, work ,work
The shortage of skilled tradesmen in this state is creating
huge volumes of work for just about anybody ,in all facets of the
construction industry in this state
So, all you overseas readers, if your looking for work.
come on down



A man goes to the doctors feeling a little ill.
The doctor checks him over and says,
"Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow
and you usually only have 24 hours to live.
There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth."
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening
as he's never been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320.
Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.
The National Grid comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and announces,
"Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners,
a line, the full house and the national grid on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!"
"Lucky?" he screamed.
"Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24."
"MY GOD," says the bingo caller.
"You've won the raffle as well!!"



Saw this on a couple of Blogs and thought it was very apt

Maybe, I'll just take a swig of this and have a good lay down!!!

Ten Commandments for Reducing Stress

Thou shalt not be perfect, nor even try

Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people

Thou shalt leave things undone that ought to be done

Thou shalt not spread thyself too thinly

Thou shalt learn to say “NO”

Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy supportive network

Thou shalt switch off, and do nothing regularly

Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive at times

Thou shalt not even feel guilty

Especially, thou shalt not be thine own enemy, but thy best friend

Will run this for another blog or two

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper .

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyerfrom London

and is certain that he has a better education then any Jockcop.

He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!
Glasgow cop says,' License and registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What for?'

Glasgow cop says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow cop says, 'You still didn't come to a complete stop.

License and registration, please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, you have to come to complete stop,that's the law.

License and registration, please!'

London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,

I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket.

If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living daylights

out of the lawyer and says

'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

----------------

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled

"You Can Be the Man of Your House."

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly,

"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law!

You are going to make me a delicious dinner and when I'm finished eating my meal,

you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner you are going to go upstairs and we are going to

have the kind of sex that I want.

After that, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax.

You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.

Then you will massage my feet and hands.

Then after that's done, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess."

Some cartoons on Kids

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life,

an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city.
In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him,

"How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his daddy,

but on the way home he remembered his wife, didn't like his father.

So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields,

he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed,

"So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."



Cool Aviation Pictures

[thanks Fred Rea]






Dear Deirdre,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask

their names she always says, 'Just some friends from work, you don't know them.'

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife.

I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth,

but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs

so I could get a good view of the whole street when she

arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'.

When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse,

which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.

It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs,

that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared

to have a hairline crack right by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?Confused Husband



Gone with the Wind

A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot.

After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience.

He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat

and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat.

He hobbles back into the examining room.

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water.

"Ok,after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes.

"---------------------------------------------------------

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat.

To my distress,he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post.

"Don't worry," my husband reassured me.

"I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently"trained" our new pet.

Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly.

For the next 16 years, whenever hewanted to go outside,

he scratched the back of the sofa.

[thanks to Robert Doohan from Kalgoorlie for these]

Two cows standing next to each other in a field,

Daisy said to Dolly 'I was artificially inseminated this morning''

I don't believe you' said Dolly

'It's true, straight up no bull!"

Some Sale!!!!

Looks like a good job

Temperature And The SCOTS!!!
When it's

:25 degrees:

West Aussies shiver uncontrollably.

People in Scotland sunbathe.

20 degrees:

West Aussies wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.

People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees

:West Aussies begin to evacuate the state.

People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.

0 degrees:

New York landlords turn the heat on.

People in Scotland drive with the windows down.

- 5 degrees:

People in Miami, Florida are extinct.

People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

-10 degrees:

Californians all now live in Mexico.

People in Scotland throw on a light jacket

.-80 degrees:

Polar bears begin to evacuate from the Arctic Circle.

People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.

-100 degrees:

Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.

Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival exercise until it gets cold enough.

-173 degrees:

Ethyl alcohol freezes.

People in Scotland are angry because they can't thaw out their whisky.

-297 degrees:

Microbial life starts to grind to a halt.

Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-500 degrees:

Hell freezes over.Scottish people support England in the World Cup.

--------------

The Future is Man Made

Robin Williams takes a funny look at the State of the Earth

Who would have thought it!!!

More vintage classics for you to enjoy
Ray Petersen.......Corinna Corinna

Hermans Hermits...I'm onto Something Good

A funny golfing video

Sent in by David Jamieson [thanks Jammo]

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