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It has been a real scorcher here in Perth today with the temperature
reaching 36 C [approx 98F] and 39C forecast for tomorrow [Monday]
Spent today out in the sunshine for my Rotary club at the Belmont Fair.
So if you coming knocking on my door in the next day or two
you may be greeted with this sign???




Something to make you smile



Last chance to vote



A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk,
even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn,
screaming infrustration as she missed her chance to get through
the intersection,dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window
and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where shewas searched,
finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.
You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn,
flipping off the guy in front of you,and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do'bumper sticker,
the 'Choose Life' license plate holder,
the 'Follow Me toSunday-School' bumper sticker,
and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
Naturally.....I assumed you had stolen the car."




CARTOONS

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation,

get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning,

though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity BibleCollege and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on thebehalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens.

They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words.

"Ijust graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.

Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says,

"Well, I'm from Kansas University and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.
C'mon. A blonde electrical engineer?

Get Real!!!


CARTOON OF THE WEEK

Coke vs Pepsi

Coke vs Pepsi video

Young pilot
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.
This was his first time approaching a field during the night time,

and instead of making any official requests to the tower,

he said, “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied,

“Guess where!”

------

Chinese immigrants
A Chinese family (Chu, Bu, Fu and Su) recently immigrated in the USA.

To integrate better in the society,

they have changed their names accordingly:

Chu to Chuck,

Bu to Buck.

The Fu and Su sisters decided to return to China.

-----------

Warning...Its your health [this is fair dinkum]

We all know Aussies like to wear thongs over summer

Be careful because the Chinese are using some strong but cheap chemicals in manufacturing these

Think before trying to save a few dollars

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,

and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat she said,

"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

-----

Jesus
A drunk man is sitting on the sidewalk next to a bar.

A stranger sees him and asks him if he needs help walking home.

The drunk man answers:
- Hey! Do you know who I am ?
- No I don’t. Who are you ?
- I’m Jesus Christ, and I can proove it.

Come with me.
They both enter the bar.

The bartender sees them and shouts:
- Jesus, you again ?

---------

Cheapskate

A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN REWORD.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a deadgiveaway!)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your countvotes.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Looks to good too be true

If you want to see the size of the Ozone hole over the Antarticia

click on this link below

The site has other links that you can explore

Ozone Hole Watch

More cool Aviation pictures

Here are 15 of the harshest things a woman can say to a naked man.
1. Ahhhh, it's cute.
2. Why don't we just cuddle?
3. Make it dance.
4. Wow, and your feet are so big.
5. It's okay, we'll work around it.
6. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
7. This explains your car.
8. But it still works, right?
9. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
10. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
11. Are you cold?
12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
13. Does it come with an air pump?
14. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
15. I guess this makes me the early bird.

-------

This sure looks like one of Jim Kings dumped vehicles

For those who said I don't have a cultural bone in my body

Enjoy these

Andre Rieu playing in Dublin

Blue Danube Waltz

Here's Andre again playing with the Dubliners

Irish Washerwoman

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS!"

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits.

It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since

I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."

He replied, "How did you know?"

She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterwards

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night,

staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.

Finally his curiosity gets the best of him,

so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies,

"Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
[thanks again to Robert Doohan from Kalgoorlie]





Witness Search
Good morning to you all,
This is a call for anyone who may have witnessed the following:
Yesterday, at about 14:00 all of my wheels were stolen and replaced with bricks
during the period that I was out of the office having a coffee (from 10:00 to 16:00).
I am well behind in my work and now I have to waste my time with these stupidities
and on top of it all I am probably going to be fired from my job!!!
If anyone of you, my dear friends, has seen anything, please let me know. I could
even go as far as offering a reward to whoever helps me.
Anticipated thanks.
PS. Here is a photo taken at the scene of the crime (theft with irritating
consequences).
Once again, thanks and good morning to you all.

Apple Iraq

This very funny and very relevant

Its been around for awhile and a number of you have sentit to me

Originally Chris Bone sent it in [Thanks Chris]

Click on pointer