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This video was a April Fools Joke circulated by the BBC this year

stolen from
Tacky Raccoons





An Alberta woodpecker and a Saskatchewan woodpecker were arguing about
which place had the toughest trees.
The Alberta woodpecker said Alberta had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Saskatchewan woodpecker accepted his challenge
and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Alberta woodpecker was amazed.
The Saskatchewan woodpecker then challenged the Alberta woodpecker
to peck a tree in Saskatchewan that was absolutely im-peckable
(a termwoodpeckers like to use).
The Alberta woodpecker expressed confidence,
said he could do it and accepted the challenge.
So the two flew to Saskatchewan where the Alberta woodpecker
successfully pecked the so-called impeckable tree with no problem.
Both woodpeckers were terribly confused
How is it that the Saskatchewan woodpecker was able to peck the Alberta tree
and the Alberta woodpeckerwas able to peck the Saskatchewan tree,
yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own province????
After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion
:Apparently your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.

Fans of the "Scrubs "TV show will like this

stolen from Miss Cellania

A maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this and asked:
"Maria, times are tough. I must make do on what my husband gives me.
I'm not getting a raise. Tell me three reasons why you deserve one."
Maria says, "Well Senora, The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "I see."
Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."
Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?!"
Maria: "No Senora, the gardener did."
She got the raise





CARTOONS......The fuel crisis

Good, Better, Best

GOOD

A Saskatchewan police officer had a perfect spot to watch for speeders,

but wasn't getting many.

Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road

with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD'

The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS'

and a bucket full of money.(And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER:

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Edmonton, AB.

A $40 speeding ticket was included.

Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.

The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST:

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

As the Saskatchewan RCMP Officer walked to her car window,

flipping open his ticket book, she said,

I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball.

He replied, 'Ma'am, Saskatchewan RCMP don't have balls.

'There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said.

He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car

and drove off.

She was laughing too hard to start her car
[thanks Josie J]


ET has been caught

Seven kinds of Sex
The 1st kind of sex is called:

Smurf Sex.

This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone

and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called:

Kitchen Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for a short time

and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called:

Bedroom Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for a long time.

Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called:

Hallway Sex

This is when you have been with your partner for too long.

When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.

'The 5th kind of sex is called:

Religious Sex,

Which means you get Nun in the morning,

Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.(Very popular)

The 6th kind is called

Courtroom Sex.

This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.

She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called:

Social Security Sex,

You get a little each month.

But not enough to enjoy your self.
Thanks to my Daughter Rennae who sent me that


Video Dedication

The delightful Karon Langridge has requested this hit from the 60's

Norman Greenbaum......Spirit in the Sky

Fun with Pigs

Pigs can fly

Make a wish!!!!

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times,

so they decide that she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says,

"Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy.

Tell him that you charge a hundred dollars.

Any questions, I'll be parked around the corner."
She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks,

"How much?"
She says, "A hundred dollars."
He says, "All I got is thirty".
She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks,

"What can he get for thirty?"
"A hand job," Harry replied.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty bucks is a hand job.

He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE length.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says,

"I'll be right back."
She runs back to Harry.

'What's wrong?' he asks,
"Any chance you could lend this guy seventy bucks

--------------------------------------

Did you hear that Viagra now comes in a nasal spray?

Its for Dickheads
Thanks David J

Three friends had a good friend named Joe

and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist.

At every bad situation he would always say

''It could have been worse.''

His friends hated that quality about him,

so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe

could come up with a bright side.

So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said,

''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man,

shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said,

''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''




How to spot queer terrorist

OSAMA BIN SHOPPIN


I was trolling around You Tube a couple of days ago

and looking at some Waylon Jennings music video's,

when I came accross this

This is 1966 clip of Waylon and I thought it was really good

Waylon Jennings....Mental Revenge