142

G'day G'day....Slim Dusty

Umbrella advert from Africa

Ponderisms
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail
.3. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all..
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. Think about this . No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket..
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Cartoons

Quick Wedding

It is the time of Glasnost and the Soviet state is showing a kinder, gentler face.

But, still there are shortages.

An old man and his wife are waiting patiently in line to get into a store

to buy a half kilo of meat when the store manager comes out and tells the line

"we are out of meat--go home."
The old man goes ballistic and starts screaming to anyone who will listen: "

"Is this what we have suffered for?

Is this the communist dream?

I fought valiantly and hard in the war for the Motherland,

expecting that we would be building a socialist state.

I didn't complain.

After the war we had shortages, but I worked hard, expecting improvements.

And now, after 50 years, we can't supply meat to the citizens!

The Soviet Union is an utter failure!"
A big plain clothes policeman comes up to him, pulls him away from the others,

and cautions him to calm down.
"You say there are no improvements in our society" he whispers to the old man.

"But we have evolved.

Remember what would have happened if you had made an outburst like this under Stalin."

And he make his hand into a gun and pretends to shoot the old man.
The old man walks back to his wife who asks what the policeman had told him.
"It is worse than we feared.

The government is out of bullets."

-----------------------------------------------------

From "Its Knutz'
----------------------------------------------------

Calvin

More from Slim Dusty..Todays featured Artist[s]
We've done us proud

Waltzing Matilda

--------------------------------

Thousands of rabbits start streaming across the border from the Soviet Union to Rumania.

The Rumanian border guards are flabbergasted.

Finally, one picks up a rabbit by its ears and asks:

What's going on here?

The rabbit says: The KGB started to persecute camels.

Border guard: You are not a camel.

Rabbit: Well, YOU explain that to the KGB

----------------------------------------------------------

Jesus escapes boat crash

Thanks Geoff Collins

------------------------------------------------------------------

An Englishmen, a Frenchman and a Russian are drinking together in a pub.

The Englishman says "You know what my idea of paradise is?

Sitting in my armchair after a hard day's work, and my wife

brings me my whiskey, pipe and slippers."

The Frenchmen says "You English are so cold!

Paradise is making love with the world's most beautiful woman for the whole night."

The Russian says "You're both wrong!

True paradise is when the KGB bang at your door at 3 in the morning,

you open it, and they say 'Ivan Ivanovitch, you're under arrest'

and you can say 'Sorry, but Ivan Ivanovitch lives next door'."

---------------------------------------------------------------



World submarine racing championships 2008

Well, what did you expect to see
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for you

thanks Gordon Hamilton

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nate lived in the desert.

He guarded a very special lever.

If the lever were pulled, it would destroy the world.

Nate took his job seriously; he didn’t let anything close to the lever.

One day, he saw a cloud of dust coming down the side of a nearby mountain.

The dust came closer and closer.

Nate realized it was a huge boulder that was going to hit the lever.

He had to try to deflect it.

He succeeded;

however, he was killed by the boulder.

But it was ...
... better Nate than lever!

More Punny store fronts

A new report shows that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed,

and actually confers some surprising health benefits.
Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments

ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates.
Those carrying 15 to 25 extra pounds are better able to recover

from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia,

and various injuries and infections, states the report.
Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate,

and colon cancer.

And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness,

cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.
In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier,

more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.
"This just goes to show that conventional wisdom is wrong," said a spokeswoman

for the study group.

"Not to mention the hundreds of studies that came before!"
The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.

----------------------------------------------------

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.

OPEC nations buy our grain at $7.00 a bushel.

Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.

Can't buy it?

Tough shit

Eat your oil!

Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel's ass!!!
wisdom from Jammo