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Let's see if I understand how the world works lately...

If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,

He blames the restaurant.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,

Your family blames the tobacco company.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk,

he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners,

You blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman,

You blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,

and the passengers kill him instead,

the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore

So, if I die while my old, wrinkled butt is parked in front of this computer,

I want you to blame Bill Gates...okay?

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Dumb Cheerleaders

Paris Hilton..You want to buy a bunny

FOR A BIT OF FRUSTRATION

CLICK ON THE BALL -

IT WILL CHANGE COLOUR.

http://mazzanet.id.au/ball.php
thanks Gordon Hamilton



An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that,

in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior,

he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

At length, one of his colleagues whispers

"Say something wise."

The dean looks at them and says,

"I should have taken the money."






Cartoons.........Seniors

Most people don't know that back in 1912,

Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled

for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico,

which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico

But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.

The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise,

and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.

Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning,

which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course,

as Sinko de Mayo

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Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina.

One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor

The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

The second one, naturally,

became known as the lesser of two weevils.

Music

Have waited a long time for someone to post this song on You Tube

Chas and Dave..Ain't no pleasing you

this is for my wife




This song was big in Australia and England

but not too sure about the States

Anyway, I saw it recently on You Tube

Just love it.especially the lead singer

Fiddlers Dram....Day trip to Bangor

What can I say!!!!!!!

A few days before his proctological exam,

a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office,

the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's backside

was that eye staring right back at him.

"You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

Michael Jackson is looking for a job

Are you Gay???????

Blonde buys a cat trap