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A journalist in Putin’s modern Russia walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse,

"I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

"There is no such doctor" she tells him.

"Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.

"But there is no such doctor," she replies.

"We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat,

but no eye-ear doctor."

He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says:

"Sir, there is no eye-ear doctor,

but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."

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Bike Accident

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This building used to be white

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Two friends lived in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada.

They were sick of winter, so they went to a travel agent and booked a trip to Australia.

When the two friends got off the plane -

still dressed for Canadian winter weather -

they wandered into a pub and sat down.

The locals wondered about these strangers,

so one of the Aussies walked over to the visitors and said,

"G'day, mates. Where're you from?"

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," one of the Canadians replied."

Ahhhh," said the Aussie, returning to his table.

"So where are they from?" the other locals asked.

"Don't know, mate," replied the Aussie.

"They don'tspeak English."

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I have seen plenty of Zebra crossing's, but this the first elephant crossing

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Have You Heard?

You must've heard by now

If you haven't

Then click on this link
Hey, Have You Heard?
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Some Bear pictures for you

Bear wee wee

Follow that cab

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Cartoons

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Things You Would Love to Say

- But Don't Dare

What am I?... Flypaper for freaks!

And your cry-baby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

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TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL “AM I GAY?” SELF EXAMINATION

1. If you are over thirty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay.

It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys

and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics,

and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo.

A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,

has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.

And just think about how you call a dog… “Killer, come here!

Now think about how you call a cat… “Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!”

Jezus, you’re fit to be framed, you’re so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured,

you are a Gaylord.

A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters,

crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or boobs.

Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to make use of a public bathroom or take a leak in a parking lot,

you crave a deep homosexual relationship.

A man’s world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. .

If you drink anything other than regular coffee,

you pro- bably like a high hard one in the pooper chuter.

A straight man will never be heard ordering a “Decaf Soy Latte”.

If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips,

you’ve had a man there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes.

A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap.

If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a “fressier” is you’re gay.

And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it,

you are dying to tune a meat whistle.

A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver

or to cut the ass- hole off.

The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,

eat a hamburger, hold his beer, scratch his balls, or play with his broad’s boobs.

Thanks Chris b

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"I'm all for gay adoption, gay men would make brilliant dads.

They know where all the best parks are".
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A couple has returned from their honeymoon

and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other.

The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.

"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night,

as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend.

"I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough -

she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said,

"I don't know if I can get over this though. She gave me $20 change!''
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Music

Norma Tanega

Walking my Cat named Dog

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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.