Phils Phun

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Just wanted to let you know that the New Homeland Security Bill has passed.
Things will be different now and Internet surfing as you know
it will be tracked by what the FBI calls a 'non intrusive method.'
TheFBI says you will hardly notice anything different.
For a demonstration,
click on the link below:
http://users.chartertn.net/tonytemplin/FBI_eyes/

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This guy wanted a parrot who talked.
He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking.
The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window.
"This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases
that would fit most occasions.
"The guy bought the bird and took it home.
Next day, the guy was back in the pet store to complain.
The bird hadn't said a word.
The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual.
Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing
with while here and put it in his cage.
That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up."
The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.
Two days later the guy showed back up.
"Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager.
"Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick."
The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made,
and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.
And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain
that the bird STILL hadn't said one word.
This time the shop owner scratched his head and said,
"You know, sometimes the bird would be praised in his training and allowed to ring this bell." The guy was hesitant, but he really wanted to hear the bird talk,
so he reluctantly purchased the bell.
Two days later, the guy was back in the shop.
This time the pet shop owner suggested the bird was lonely.
The guy was upset that he'd have to purchase ANOTHER bird when the first one wasn't talking. The pet shop owner told him that, no, he wouldn't have to do that.
Just buy a mirror and trick the bird into thinking he had company.
You guessed.
Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time with the parrot.
The parrot was dead."What happened! Didn't the bird ever talk?"
asked the pet store owner.
"Yep. Right before he died it said,
'Don't they sell any bloody birdseed at that pet store?'"

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Just love the look on his face!!

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The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
The Sheriff asked,'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch?
Don't you see that sign right over your head?
''Yep', he replied.
'That's why I'm dumpin it here, cause it says:
'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.
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A Star is Born
This morning I was reading Jonco's blog Bits and Pieces and he had posted a video from Britain's Got Talent.
It was an inceredible video of 47 year old Susan Boyle on the show
Not much more than 12 hours later embedding this video from You Tube was denied
However, here is the link for it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fbitsandpieces%2Eus%2F&feature=player_embedded
Do your self a favour and watch it. Its brillant

His first jump

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·I called the Italian Embassy today to offer my wife's assistance after the earthquake.
She's great at finding faults.
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Cartoons.......Animals

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Which way is this window facing??

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The flu season is about to come

To avoid it
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruit and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because it builds your immune system..
Walk for at least an hour a day,
Go for a swim,
Take the stairs instead of the lift, etc.
Wash your hands often.If you can't, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open doors & windows whenever possible.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
Get plenty of rest.

Take the doctor's approach.

Think about it..

.When you go for a flu jab, what do they do first?

They Clean your arm with alcohol...

Why? Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS

.So.......
I walk to the pub. (exercise)

I put lime in my vodka...(fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the patio..(fresh air)

Tell rude jokes and laugh....(eliminate stress)

Then I pass out. (rest)
The way I see it...
If you keep your alcohol levels up,

Flu germs Can't get you!
As Grandmother always said,'