Phils Phun

237

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It was August and somewhere in a small village in the Mediterranean area

it was rainy and dull weather.

The tourist season was bad as well because of the financial crisis.

Everyone has debts.

All of a sudden a rich Russian tourist arrived in the only hotel in the village

and without saying a word put a hundred Euro bill on the desk,

and moved on to find a room on the top floor.

The hotel owner quickly took the money and ran to the butcher to pay his debts.

This one in turn took the money and ran to the pig farmer to pay for his debts too.

The farmer took the money and ran to the factory of pig food to pay for his debts.

The factory manager ran to the village whore to pay for his debts,

and finally the prostitute ran to the hotel to pay for her debts,

as she always used the rooms over there to share with her clients.

After a while the Russian tourist came down the stairs.

He had found no suitable room and wanted his money back,

which the hotel owner handed him.

As a matter of fact nobody had earned a dime,

but everyone was debt free now

and they looked forward more optimistically.

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Just love this song

By far and away the best version

Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
You've been out riding fences for so long now
Oh you're a hard one
But I know that you've got your reasons
These things that are pleasing you will hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
The queen of hearts is always your best bet
Well it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the things that you can't get
Desperado
you know you ain't getting younger
Your pain and your hunger are driving you home
And freedom, oh freedom
Well that's just some people talking
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime
Sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losing all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away
Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences
Open the gate
It may be raining
But there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
Let somebody love you
Before it's too late
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Cartoons.....Socks

why you should always wear socks

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Pepsi interview

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The Interview

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him

"Are you allergic to anything?"

He says "Yes, just caffeine."

"Have you ever been in the service?" the interviewer asks.

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment here.",

and then asks,

"Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes... an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles clean off."

The interviewer tells the guy "O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.

Normal hours are from 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am,

and plan on starting at 10am every day.

Don't worry,we'll still pay you from 8am."

The guy is puzzled and says

"If the hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don'tyou want me to be here before 10am?"

"'This is a government job," the interviewer says.

"For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.

No point in you coming in for that."
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The USS REAGAN

Seeing it next to the Arizona Memorial really puts its size into perspective...

ENORMOUS!

BEAUTIFUL! When the Bridge pipes 'Man the Rail' there is a lot of rail

to man on this monster: shoulder to shoulder, around 45 acres.

Her displacement is about 100,000 tons with full complement.

Capability Top speed exceeds 30 knots, powered by two nuclear reactors

that can operate for more than 20 years without refuelling

1. Expected to operate in the fleet for about 50 years

2 Carries over 80 combat aircraft

3. Three arresting cables can stop a 28 - ton aircraft going 150 miles per hour

in less than 400 feet

Size

1. Towers 20 stories above the waterline

2. 1092 feet long; nearly as long as the Empire State Building is tall

3. Flight deck covers 4.5 acres

4. 4 bronze propellers, each 21 feet across, weighing 66,200 pounds

5. 2 rudders, each 29 by 22 feet and weighing 50 tons

6. 4 high speed aircraft elevators, each over 4,000 sq ft capacity

7. Home to about 6,000 Navy personnel

8. Carries enough food and supplies to operate for 90 days

9. 18,150 meals served daily

10. Distillation plants provide 400,000 gallons of fresh water from sea water daily,

enough for 2,000 homes

11. Nearly 30,000 light fixtures and 1,325 miles of cable and wiring 1,400 telephones

12. 14,000 pillowcases and 28,000 sheets

13. Costs the Navy approximately $250,000 per day for pier side operation

14. Costs the Navy approximately $25 million per day for underway operations

(Sailor's salaries included).

The HMAS Gough Whitlam

Sunday, July 20, 2008 Sydney .

Headed for Newcastle ,

the Australian welcomed the latest member of its fleet today.

The HMAS Gough Whitlam set sail today from its home port of Sydney

The ship is the first of its kind in the Navy

and is a standing legacy to Prime Minister Whitlam

for his foresight in military budget cuts and his conduct while Prime Minister.

The ship is constructed nearly entirely from recycled aluminium

and is completely solar powered with a top speed of 5 knots.

It boasts an arsenal comprised of one (unarmed) F14 Tomcat

or one (unarmed) F18 Hornet aircraft which,

although they cannot be launched or captured on the 100 foot flight deck,

form a very menacing presence.

As a standing order there are no firearms allowed on board.

The 20 person crew is completely diversified,

including members of all races, creeds, sex, and sexual orientation.

This crew, like the crew aboard the Manly Ferry,

is specially trained to avoid conflicts

and appease any and all enemies of Australia at all costs!

An on - board Type One DNC Universal Translator can send out messages of apology

in any language to anyone who may find Australia offensive.

The number of apologies are limitless and though some may seem hollow and disingenuous,

the Navy advises all apologies will sound very sincere.

The ship's purpose is not defined so much as a unit of national defense,

but instead in times of conflict,

the HMAS Gough Whitlam has orders to seek refuge in New Zealand .

The ship may be positioned near the Labor Party Headquarters for photo - ops.

The Whitlams Should be very proud.

And the newest: -

The HMAS Kevin Rudd,

sailing in from South East Asia, once a week.

Thanks Gordon
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Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walked, they come across a sign:

"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."
"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,

"Well, how'd ya do?"
"First Place!" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign:

"Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour, he returns and they ask him,

"How did you make out?"
"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign:

"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is this Kevin Rudd?" asked Pinocchio.
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Have you seen the movie

Good Will Hunting

Here is the best scene from the movie

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Jim and his wife went for a stroll in their local park one evening.

They sat down on a bench to rest

and almost immediately could overhear voices coming

from a secluded spot behind them.

Suddenly the wife realized that a young man was about to propose.

Not wanting to eavesdrop at such an intimate moment,

she nudged Jim and whispered,

"Whistle and let that young couple know that someone can hear them."

Jim objected. "Whistle? Why should I whistle?

Nobody whistled to warn me!!!"
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Keep your pants on

Thanks Jammo
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A famous hunter had successfully hunted almost every animal on Earth.

The one exception was the very rare Fu bird which lived high in the Himalayas

and was very difficult to spot.

It was also very dangerous.

If the Fu bird spotted anyone in its domain it would fly directly

at the person at 100 MPH, making it impossible to draw a bead on & shoot,

and would completely cover the intruder with its shit.

The shit was the most foul smelling substance on Earth

causing the recipient to want to immediately wash it off.

The problem was that if one washed the shit completely off, he would die.

Fully aware of this, the hunter took off in search of the Fu bird.

After many days of difficult climbing he reached the area where the Fu bird dwelt

and was trying to spot the bird & get off a shot before the Fu bird spotted him.

Unfortunately, the Fu spotted him first,

flew at him at 100 MPH & completely covered him with its shit.

It was so foul that the hunter could not bear it & so he proceeded to wash it completely off.

As soon as he accomplished this he died.

Oh, the moral of the story?: If the Fu shits, wear it!!!

Thanks Duke
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The King asked for three glasses of water.

But his servant brought him two and a half glasses instead.

What was the King's name?

Philip the Third
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