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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica

- where do they go?

WONDER NO MORE!!



IT IS A KNOWN FACT THAT THE PENGUIN IS A VERY RITUALISTIC BIRD
WHICH LIVES AN EXTREMELY ORDERED AND COMPLEX LIFE .

THE PENGUIN IS VERY COMMITTED TO ITS FAMILY AND WILL MATE FOR LIFE,
AS WELL AS MAINTAINING A FORM OF COMPASSIONATE

CONTACT WITH ITS OFFSPRING THROUGHOUT ITS LIFE.

IF A PENGUIN IS FOUND DEAD ON THE ICE SURFACE,
OTHER MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY AND SOCIAL CIRCLE
HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DIG HOLES IN THE ICE,

USING THEIR VESTIGIAL WINGS AND BEAKS,
UNTIL THE HOLE IS DEEP ENOUGH FOR THE DEAD BIRD

TO BE ROLLED INTO AND BURIED.

THE MALE PENGUINS THEN GATHER IN A CIRCLE

AROUND THE FRESH GRAVE AND SING,
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"FREEZE A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"

_Thanks Gordon H

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Not to be confused with Austria

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Susan Boyle does it again

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Cartoons...........Marriage

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A woman is having lunch with a few of her friends one Sunday

when she announces she has discovered a way to keep her husband

from staying out late at night.

'Last night when I heard the front door open and my husband enter,

I yelled down, 'Joe, is that you?''

Her one friend turns to her and asks,

'How is that going to stop him from staying out late?'

She replied, 'My husband's name is Charles.'

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Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!'

'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'

'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'

'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'

'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'

'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'

'Well, for one, you're 52 years old.

And for another, you're the Principal!'

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Karon wanted me to post some more 60's music

This is for you Karon

Who - Happy Jack 1967

Happy Jack wasn't old, but he was a man.

He lived in the sand at the Isle of Man.

The kids would all sing,

he would take the wrong key,

So they rode on his head in their furry donkey

.The kids couldn't hurt Jack,

They tried, tried, tried.

They dropped things on his back,

They lied, lied, lied, lied, lied

.But they couldn't stop Jack,

'or the waters lapping,

And they couldn't prevent Jack from being happy.

But they couldn't stop Jack,

'or the waters lapping,

And they couldn't prevent Jack from feeling happy.

The kids couldn't hurt Jack,

They tried, tried, tried.

They dropped things on his back

They lied, lied, lied, lied, lied.

But they couldn't stop Jack,

'or the waters lapping.

And they couldn't prevent Jack from being happy.
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More Cartoons........Sheep

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There was once a university researcher who specialised

in exploring modern myths and fables.

One year, in the course of her research she was expected

to investigate the real prevalence of sheep shagging.

Now of course, we all know that supposedly rural farmers are all starved of sex

and so have to indulge in the occasional animal liason,

but just how prevalent was this trend?
Our intrepid researcher set off to find out.

As she went along to the first farm,

she was understandably a little embarased about what she

was going to have to ask the farmer there.

She met him and started to chat to him about the weather, crops and suchlike.

Eventually, she got her nerve together and asked:

"Pardon me asking, but....have you ever shagged your sheep?"
"Arrr. I have." Was the dreaded answer.
"Err..., so how do you go about it exactly?"
"Well, it be easy really. Front legs over a gate, hold the hind legs and you're away really."
The researcher quickly made her excuses and left.

She felt sure this was an isolated incident.

But as she travelled around the sheep farms of the UK,

she repeatedly got the answer:

"Front legs over a gate, hold the hind legs and you're away."
As she was reaching the end of her study,

a shocking 62% of farmers had given this answer.

It was obviously a much more prevalent custom than she had previously realised.

At one of the last farms she visited,

she asked the dreaded question after the usual small talk.
"Pardon me asking, but....have you ever shagged your sheep?"
"Arrr. I have." Was the usual answer.
"So how do you go about it exactly?"

(She was more confident of asking by now).
"Well, it be easy really. Front legs over your shoulders, hold the hind legs and you're away."
"Hang on a minute,

all the other farmers I have spoken to have said front legs over a gate!"
"What! No kissing?"

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The fabulous Ross Sisters from 1944

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The Top 20 Ways to Say"Your Fly Is Open"
20) The cucumber has left the salad.

19) I can see the gun of Navarone.

18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

17) You've got Windows in your laptop.

16) Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.

15) Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.

13) Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

12) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.

11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.

10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9) Mini me is making a break for the escape pod.

8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!

7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.

6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!

5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."

4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...

3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.

2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?

And The Number One Way To Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped...

1) I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts.

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Phils Philosophy

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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site are

understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.