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Kenny Rogers is 71 today

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The new Monopoly game



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One day, a mom was cleaning her son's room,
and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it, and handed it back to her without a word.
She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"
The dad looked at her and said
"Well, I don't think you should spank him.
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Australia....C'mon down

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Jumbo landing

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A man bought a woman a couple of drinks in a bar

and asked if she would like to go to his apartment to continue talking.

"Sure," she replied, "but it won't lead to anything."

When they entered his apartment she reminded him,

"Don't waste your time with any fancy moves."

"Hey, what do you think I am?" he said.

"I'm not looking for a one-night stand. I want you for my wife."

"Great," she said. "What time will she be home?"

stolen from.....It occurred to me

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Elevator Floor Illusion
Going into this elevator would certainly makes one nervous.

A sign at the entrance cautions the people that goes in about work in progress.

A more detailed look shows that the floor has been

painted with an illusion that there is no floor

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This is me


Stolen from....Miss Cellania

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Not to worry

Polar bears have options

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"The thrill is gone from my marriage," Alan told his friend Don.

"Whynot add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Don suggested.

"But what if my wife finds out?"

"Heck, it's 2009, Alan. Go ahead andtell her about it."

So Alan went home and said,

"Dear, Our marriage seems to be stale.

Do you think an affair will bring us closer together."

"Forget it,"said his wife.

"I've tried that with ten or twelve guys already - it never worked."


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Cartoons....Dearly Departed

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Merle Haggard and Tammy Wynette


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A fellow and his wife in Muskogee, Oklahoma, where the people are all patriots,

were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls.

These twins were born on the4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said tohis wife,

"We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of allegiance".

His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going

through life with names like Liberty and Justice.

We aregoing to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane".

Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compromise was reached.

They would each name one of the girls.

The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling tricks

on people who couldn't tell them apart.

Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest in them.

He would take one out on a date but he was never sure which one he was with.

He decided he would marry one of them,

or both if he could get away with it,

but hewasn't sure which one he would marry,

if he could only get one.He went to the girls father and explained his quandary.

"I love your daughters and want to marry one of them,

but I can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you".

"Give me Liberty or give me Beth"


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The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse

after being sworn in as American citizens.

"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed.

"We are American citizens at last!

Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"

"Yes, you filthy chauvinist pig," his wife, replied.

"Tonight, you cook the damn dinner and I get on top!"

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Phils Philosophy

Disclaimer
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understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.