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Aussie Rules
The home and away games of the footy season are over
and its now down to the dinkum part of the year......the finals.
Here's a footy song for you
Its got some great vintage footage in the song

My team the West Coast Eagles have not made the finals[again]

and someone asked me yesterday which team I thought would win the premiership

and I repiled "I am a friend of the ABC " [Anyone But Collingwood]

Collingwood is the team everyone loves to hate

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A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.

They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.

As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet.

A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go

and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"

The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.

The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.

After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.

Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.

The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up !

pinched from....It occurred to me

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Photocopier



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Cartoons for the Ladies

A man was sitting on the settee watching TV

when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen.

"What would you like for dinner Love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

He said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

she yells back "Shut up. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

Thanks Liz

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Good Hearted Woman

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Let the Four Winds Blow



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I was talking to my dad yesterday.

He's getting a little older and complaining about joint pain.

I said. "Is it your hip?"

He said no,

"I burned my lip smoking pot."

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Plumber's Crack

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Awesome video

Shut your eyes and listen to the Rain and Thunder

So Cool!!!

RAIN CHOIR

Thanks Liz

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stolen from...Izismile.com. Daily news and sun stuff


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A guy orders a beer.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.

It hits a blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them.

The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens.

So after his third beer,

he decides to help the bartender out.

The next time the bartender hit her boobs,

the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts.

She immediately decks him!

He is laying on the floor moaning,

"Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?"

"Duh," says the blonde,

"He has a licker license."

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Funny Signs

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A painter, white washing the inner walls of a country outhouse,

had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom.

He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.

The local fire department responded with alacrity,

sirens roaring as they approached the privy.

"Where's the fire?" called the chief.

"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole.

"But if I had yelled,

'Shit! Shit! Shit!' who would have rescued me?"

pinched from..Miss Cellania

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I'll just have a drink to finish this post

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A banker calls in an oilman to review his loans.

"We loaned you a million to revive your old wells, and they went dry." says the banker.

"Coulda been worse."

"Then we loaned you a million to drill new wells, and they were dry."

"Coulda been worse."

"Then we loaned you another million for new drilling equipment, and it broke down."

"Coulda been worse."

"I'm getting tired of hearing that!" snaps the banker.

"How could it have been worse?"

"Coulda been my money," says the oilman

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Something to think about!

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

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Insults worth reading again

‏'He had delusions of adequacy.' - Walter Kerr'

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' - Winston Churchill'

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.' -Clarence Darrow'

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.' - Moses Hadas'

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.' - Mark Twain'

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' - Oscar Wilde'

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.' - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill'

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one!' -

Winston Churchill, in response.'

I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop'

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb'

There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' -Jack E. Leonard'

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' - Robert Redford'

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' - Forrest Tucker

'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?' - Mark Twain'

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' - Mae West'

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.'- Oscar Wilde'

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder'

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' - Groucho Marx


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Disclaimer
All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.