331

very catchy tune

-----------------------------------

A man walks into a dentist's office and says:

"I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies:

"You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist."
The man replies:

"I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says:

"Well then, what are you doing here?"
The man says:

"Your light was on."

---

-------------------

Q: Why did the Cajun sleep on the beach?
A: Because he wanted to get up oily in the morning!

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Spot the Scot


thanks Liz Z

--------------------------------------------

Ten great fly pasts

---

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog,

tied it under the shade of a tree and headed

into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked:

“Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?”
The blonde said it was hers.
“Your dog seems to be in heat,” the officer said.
The blonde replied:

“No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that tree.”
The policeman said: “No, you don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.”
“No way,” said the blonde: “My dog doesn't need bread.

She isn't hungry
'cause I fed her this morning.”
The exasperated policeman said:

“You still don't understand.

Your dog wants to
have sex!”
The blonde looked at the cop and said:

“Well, go ahead. I always wanted a
police dog.”

---------------------

Those funny Animals

--------------------

Each day a man walked into his stable to ride his horse, John.

He would call out, "Hey there, John, old buddy, how's everything today?"

and then bridle his horse

.One day while going through this routine he said,

"Hey there, John..." when, to his surprise,

the horse turned around and interrupted him!

He said, "For months now, you've walked in here and said,

'Hey there, John, old buddy, how's everything today?

' and I'm tired of it! You never wait for an answer,

and besides, my name is Randy!"

And with that, the horse took off running!

Shocked, the owner took off after the horse trying to catch it.

Seeing the pursuit, his dog joined the chase

.After a while the man became tired and stopped to rest at the side of the road.

He took out his handkerchief and wiped his face as his dog,

who had continued the chase, came back also now breathless,

and sat down beside him.

The man wondered aloud,

"I've never heard a horse talk before!"

"Me neither!" said the dog, gasping for air.


------------------------------

Britains Got Talent

---------------------------

A blonde began a job as a primary school counselor,

and she was most eager to help.

One day during break time she noticed this boy

standing all by himself on the side of a playing field

while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other.
Sandy approached him and asked if he was alright.
The boy said he was.
A little while later,

however, she noticed the boy was still in the same spot

and still by himself.
Approaching again, Sandy said,

“Would you like me to be your friend?”
The boy hesitated, then said,

“Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress,

Sandy then asked,

“Why are you standing here all by yourself?”
“Because,” the little boy said,

“I’m the fooking goalie!”



--------------------------

The future of Shopping

thanks Liz Z

----------

30. Reasons You know you're from Vancouver:
1. You don't understand why Manitoba and Saskatchewan

are considered western Canada
2. You would swear your in China, Japan or Korea or India
3 You dont understand why anyone would live in Edmonton or Toronto
4. You know that West Vancouver, the West End,

and the Westside are three different places
5. You go to any other city in BC and think you're in a small town (victoria included)
6. When you dont hear about a shooting in Surrey in a month, they have a parade
7. You know the provincial flower: the dogwood
8. You know that there is actually a town called Dawson Creek
9. You love it when kids from other places ask if you live in igloos
10. You know how to pronounce Squamish, Osoyoos, Ucluelet, Esquimalt, Sooke & Nanaimo.
11. You had a friend that barely spoke English
12. You consider 2 degrees freezing cold
13. You dont know or care whether Marijuana is illegal
14. You know more people with boats than air conditioners
15. You know Granville island is not actually an island
16. You go bankrupt from paying your rent
17. You can always tell where north is.
18. You know someone with a place in Whistler
19. You take sunglasses AND an umbrella when you go out
20. You are aware that Surrey, New West, Burnaby, Delta,

Port Moody, North Van, West Van, Langley and Richmond

are NOT part of the City of Vancouver
21. The phrase "someone's shooting in the alley" doesn't make you think of guns
22. You don't find it wierd that every time you go downtown,

some crazy guy is talking to himself
23. You can get the best sushi in the world
24. You would never cheer for the Flames no matter how good they were getting
25. Living downtown and working in the suburbs does not seem like a strange idea
26. You know the names and locations of at least three beaches,

and could give a speech on the cultural difference between Wreck and Kitsilano Beach
27. A nice day means when you can see the mountains
28. You still believe the Canucks have a shot at winning the stanley cup.
29. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a 100% water proof raincoat
30. The last time there was snow, you were so confused you tried to snort it.


-------------------------------------------

5 minutes of Illusions




--------------------------------

I called your house the other day

and was told you were down at your

favorite biker bar with some friends.
I wasn't sure where that was,

but was told I wouldn't have much trouble finding it.

Sure enough, I drove just a couple blocks and there it was...

#
#
#
#
#
#
#
#

There is nothing like the feel of the Sun

on your face and the wind in your hair.....


thanks Don H

--------------------

We went to the movie the other night.

I sat in an aisle seatas I usually do because it feels a little roomier.

Just as the feature wasabout to start a blonde from the center

of the row got up and started working her way out.
"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me,

gotta hurry, oops, excuseme."
By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her

and I was alittle impatient so I said,

"Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!!" she said in a loud whisper,

"The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE

message just flashed up on the screen

and mine is in the car."


----------------------------

----------------------------------------

Blast from the Past




---------------------------

The new Batman Trailer

---------

The Best Wife Ever

thanks Don H

-------

-----------------------------

ELEPHANTS

--------------------------

The Cougar and the Bear





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Disclaimer

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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.