381

you might have seen this movie trailer sometime

stolen from Miss Cellania

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No Christmas in DC This Year

There will be no Nativity Scene in Washington D.C. this year!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene

in the United States' Capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason.

They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in the Nation's Capital.

A search for a Virgin continues.

There was no problem,

however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

thanks Duke

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The New York City subway car was packed.

It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand.

One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said

:"Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing,I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss

--That's just my pay check in my pocket," he said

."Oh really!" she spat

:"Then you must have some job,

because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half-hour!"

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thanks Arthur M
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Those funny animals

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Forget about your political bias for a few minutes and watch this

At a children’s cancer charity fundraiser in St. Petersburg

attended by Kevin Costner, Gerard Depardieu, Mickey Rourke,

Sharon Stone, Kurt Russell, Goldie Hawn, and others,

Russian PM Vladimir “Fats” Putin sings “Blueberry Hill.”


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A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping.

He decided to go fishing so he took her with him

. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening.

"I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.

The boy said,

"It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

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Fun in the Snow

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Some more funny signs

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A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant,

His friend asks,

“Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”

The businessman replies,

“That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”

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SOMETING AUSSIE

too much talent for one family!!!

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oops and others

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Close Calls

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Redneck Traffic Stop

It seems a guy cruises through a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman.

The guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, and registration.

The policeman notices a Concealed Carry Permit

as the man was fishing out his drivers license.

So the cop asks,

“Are you carrying today?”
“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

The guy says,

“Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket.

There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box.

And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says. “anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”

The cop asks, "Are you on your way to or from a gun range ?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of ?”

The guy responds,

“Not a damn thing.”


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Blast from the Past

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Women

[my favourite subject]

An 18th-century vagabond in England,

exhausted and famished,

came to a roadside inn with a sign reading,

“George and the Dragon.”

He knocked.

The innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window

“Could ye spare some victuals?” he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes.

“No!” she shouted

“Could I have a pint of ale?”

“No!” she shouted

“Could I at least sleep in your stable?”

“No!” she shouted again.

The vagabond said,

“Might I please…”

“What now?” the woman screeched,

not allowing him to finish

“D’ye suppose,” he asked,

“that I might have a word with George?”

Minister
The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and gotten new dentures.
The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached 20 minutes.
But on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded,

"The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.

The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot.

But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures

... And I couldn't shut up."

its ok girls... I,m sleeping in the shed tomight

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this




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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site
are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.

thanks Liz Z