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acouple of weks back my good friend Don H

from Canada sent me these lyrics

Early on one Christmas Day, a Joey Kanga-roo

Was far from home and lost in a great big zoo

Mummy, where's my mummy, they've taken her a-way

We'll help you find your mummy son,

hop on the sleigh

[Verse:]

Up beside the bag of toys, little Joey hopped

But they had'nt gone far when Santa stopped

Un-harnessed all the reindeer and Joey wondered why

Then he heard a far off booming in the sky

[Chorus:]

Six white boomers, snow white boomers

Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun

Six white boomers, snow white boomers .

. On his Aus-tra-lian run

Pretty soon old Santa began to feel the heat

Took his fur-lined boots off to cool his feet

Into one popped Joey, feeling quite OK

While those old man kangaroos kept pulling on the sleigh

Joey said to Santa, Santa, what about the toys

Aren't you giving some to these girls and boys

They've all got their presents son, we were here last night

This trip is an extra trip, Joey's special flight

Soon the sleigh was flashing past, right over Marble Bar

Slow down there, cried Santa, it can't be far

Come up on my lap son, and have a look around

There she is, that's mummy, bounding up and down

Well that's the bestest Christmas treat that Joeyever had

Curled up in mother's pouch all snug and glad

The last they saw was Santa headed northward from the sun

The only year the boomers worked a double run

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A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter scale

has hit New Zealand this morning.

The country is devastated with 350,000 New Zealanders missing,

and over 100,000 injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government

is so overwhelmed that it has issued a worldwide appeal for assistance.

Other nations have been quick to respond to the disaster

Britain is flying in rescue workers and sniffer dogs to help locate trapped victims.

The USA is flying in food supplies and aid money

.France is flying in doctors, nurses and first aid units.

Japan is flying in high tech communications equipment.

Germany is flying in special trained police squads to help restore order.

Russia is flying in tents and warm clothing.

Australia is flying in 350,000 replacement Kiwis

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Those Funny Animals

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A golfer who was known for his bad temper

walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down

big bucks for a new set of woods.

The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time

-- more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back.

But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.

"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said.

"In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least forty yards

farther than I could my last ones."

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These were results for an Ozwords comp

where entrants were asked to take an Australian word,

alter it by only one letter,

and supply a new and witty definition.
You'll probably need to be an Aussie to understand!

billabong ....billabonk
to make passionate love beside a waterhole.
budgie....bludgie
a partner who doesn't work but is kept as a pet.
didgeridoo.....dodgeridoo
a fake indigenous artefact.
mateship........mateshit
all your flat mate's belongings lying strewn around the floor.
sicky...............licky
a day off you get by asking the boss nicely.
barramundi.........barramondi
the sickie taken after Sunday, for the purpose of fishing.
fair dinkum...........fair drinkum
good quality Aussie wine.
kangaroo.........klangaroo
the sound a roo makes when it hits your bull bar.
platypus.............flatypus
a cat which has been run over by a vehicle.
rabble.............yabble
the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans.
carlton draft..........carlton drift
the wayward walk home from the pub
bushwacker..........bushwanker
a pretentious drongo who reckons he's above average

when it comes to handling himself in the scrub.

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Liz Z sent me some pictures of rain on Ayers Rock

This is a rare occurrence and not sure if these pictures

are from 2007 or the rains this year

Raining on the Rock(John Williamson)

Pastel red to burgundy and spinifex to gold,

We've just come out of the Mulga where the plains forever roll.

And Albert Namatjira has painted all the scenes

,And a shower has changed the lustre of our land.

And it's raining on the Rock,

In a beautiful country,

And I'm proud to travel this big land,

Like an Aborigine.

And it's raining on the Rock

What an almighty sight to see,

And I'm wishing on a postcard that you were here with me.

Everlasting daisies and a beautiful desert rose

Where does their beauty come from heaven knows.

I could ask the wedge-tail but he's away too high,

I wonder if he understands it's wonderful to fly.

It cannot be described with a picture,

The mesmerising colours of the Olgas

.Or the grandeur of the RockUluru has power!

And it's raining on the Rock,

In a beautiful country,

And I'm proud to travel this big land,

Like an Aborigine.

And it's raining on the Rock

What an almighty sight to see,

And I'm wishing on a postcard that you were here with me

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this is real cool

Follow the instructions.
Get ready to experience an hallucination.

1.- Click on the link below

2.- Then "click me to get trippy",

3.- Look at the center of the screen for 30 seconds, and then..

4.- Look at your hand holding the mouse, without moving it away from the mouse..
NOT BEFORE! (it is no joke, it is called "cenesthetic hallucination")
http://www.neave.com/strobe/


thanks Liz Z

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The French will eat almost anything.

A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits.

He decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city.

He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits.

None could be found.

Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area

behind the rectory for his rabbits.

He successfully raised a number of them,

and when he went about Paris selling them,

a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits.

The young man replied,

"I raise them myself, near the cathedral.

In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame."

-- Stan Kegel

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A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars

while two fish watched

."Did you see that?" one fish said,as the clams finished their treat

."They didn't offer us a single bite!"

"What do you expect?" asked the other fish

."They're two shellfish."
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WOW!!



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Why Jesus was an Aussie

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Proof that Jesus was Australian:
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He wore thongs.
He was a chippy, who like all good union members didn't work on Sundays.
His favourite past times were fishing, camping, going 4-wheel donkeying,

and most of his mates were fishermen.
He seemed to know a lot of prostitutes.
His mates all had nicknames: The Rock, The Doubter, Simon Peter,

The Baptist, so on and so forth.
The only time he went to church as a young bloke he got into a fight.
He was a champion surfer, it was like he could walk on water.
He did a mean barbeque, 5000 people rock up,

no worries, throw a few fresh caught fish on the barbie,

some buns and a bit of mum's potato salad

(it's in the Gospel of Thomas, trust me)

and bob's your uncle.
No one is exactly sure where he was earning his quid from

but he had a mate in the tax office so it was all sweet.
And to top it all off, he turned water into alcohol

and if that isn't an Australian miracle I don't know what is!

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still some more funny signs

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Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

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Fun with Snowmen

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Blast from the Past




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Headstones of the departed

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Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when

Fred announces that he's going to divorce his wife.

"Good grief" says Jim,

"You and Sue are the happiest couple I know!

Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman

after all these years of obvious bliss?"

"Well" replies Fred, "truth be known,

I'm just bored with pokin' the same hole night after night after night.

I guess I'm hankerin' for a bit of variety."

Jim: "Well if you want variety, why don't you just,

you know, turn her over every now and again?"

Fred: "What, and wind up with a house full of kids??"

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This test is based on how cool you were in High School..

.What crowd you ran with, what car you drove,

who you dated, etc.

It's pretty accurate.

You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed

.Click below.
COOL PERSON TEST


thanks Liz and Alan

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

but I leave you with this

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Disclaimer

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are understood to be in the public domain.
If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,
please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.