457

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 thanks Diane McV

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Hold on



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International Dining Etiquette Quiz.

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 Camaro Paint Job

thanks Kitty L

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Cool

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Those funny Animals



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RANDOM THINKING

 thanks Liz Z

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GPS

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Willie Nelson

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thanks Don H

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Man made Spa

thanks Peter H

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CAR CRASHES

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thanks Don H

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Patrick was spotted driving along the highway at a steady speed,

when he suddenly indicated right and pulled off onto the shoulder.

 He quickly jumped out of the car and opened the trunk.

 From a large bag, he produced a party hat, streamers, a bottle of lemonade,

 several sandwiches and a cake.

After eating the food and drinking the lemonade, he launched into a little Irish jig.

 The whole proceedings lasted about fifteen minutes,

after which he got back in his car and drove off.

Curious, the police officer, who'd watched from a distance, followed him.

 Half an hour later, they saw him stop and repeat the whole procedure.

This was too much for the officers, so they decided to check him out.

 "Can we ask you the reason for all the stops

and the food, drink and Irish jigs?" one of the officers asked.

"Well, sir," explained Patrick, "I'm on the company outing."

"But you're the only one here," argued the officer.

"Yes, I know," replied Patrick. "I'm self-employed!"

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Over Crowded Planet

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There once was a single mother named Cara who had a daughter by the name of Sarah.

 One day she met a single father name Ray who had a daughter named Kay

 and another one named Sarah.

Cara and Ray started dating.

 After several months they got married.

The three children got along fairly well, but kids will be kids and once in awhile they argued.

This was to be expected but over all Cara and Ray were very happy together,

 joining their two families together with much love.

But one rainy day the kids were cooped up in the house and rather bored.

 They were getting on each other’s nerves

. And they began to bicker, which, of course, got on Cara’s nerves.

It seemed like the three kids fought with each other all day long.

They called each other names.

 They hit each other.

They glared at each other.

It wasn’t just two against one,

but they each individually seemed to have a problem with one another.

This went on all day as the rain dripped down and down and down.

Finally Ray came home from work

and he noticed the tenseness the minute he walked in the door.

 Of course, it could have been the screaming, yelling and hitting that tipped him off, too.

Well, being the excellent father and stepfather that he was,

 he called the three girls together for a family conference.

 Ray found that sitting down and talking things out,

communicating, was always the best policy.

So Ray and the girls chatted.

 It seems they were worried about their future.

 Questions arose.

For example, Sarah (who belonged to Cara) questioned,

 “What if Sarah (who belonged to Ray) gets married before me?

Will I have to do all her chores?”

And then Sarah (who belonged to Ray) questioned,

“What if Sarah (who belonged to Cara) grew up to be prettier than her

 and she got to go on all the dates while Sarah (who belonged to Ray) sat home?”

And then Kay piped up,

 “What if they both (Sarah who belonged to Cara and Sarah who belonged to Ray)

 are prettier than me and they both go out on dates and I am home alone?

 That’s not fair.”

In fact, the more they discussed these potential futuristic problems

, the madder they all got at one another and they started fighting

and yelling and hitting one another all over again.

The noise level became momentous!

 Ray’s ears were hurting! He was disgusted!

Finally he could take it no more and,

 putting an end to the discussion once and for all, shouted,

 “Kay, Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be will be!”



 Windsor Knot

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Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder.

Back seat drivers seldom run out of gas.

Most tailors give their customers fits.

Thief caught stealing corn from garden – charged with stalking!



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NSFW

thanks Jayne M

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Phils Philosophy

Disclaimer

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are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.