458

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Burning Calories



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 thanks Duke

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thanks Kitty L

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Steve Jobs

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The Power of Music

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The congregation for a Westchester synagogue was interviewing for a new Rabbi.

The best candidate turned out to be the first Japanese rabbi they ever met,

so, they offered him the position on a one year trial basis.

At the end of the year, the hiring committee met with Rabbi Naknamura

and informed him that they were not going to renew his contract.

The Rabbi was surprised and disappointed by this turn of events.

He asked, "Would you tell me what my deficiencies were so that I may correct them?

 Was it my sermons?"

The committee assured him that his sermons moved the entire congregation to tears

 or lifted them to the heights of rapture.

His sermons were the best they ever heard.

"Was it that I was not friendly enough, not approachable enough, then?"

No, he was told, no rabbi they had ever had had been so diligent

 in seeking out every family of the congregation.

No, he was very approachable and friendly he was told.
"Was my singing at the services not good enough, then?"

He was assured that he had a wonderful voice and they were delighted with it.

"Well," he asked puzzled, "how was I deficient, then?"

The chairman of the committee looks a little uncomfortable as he said,

 "It was your manner of conducting a bris (ritual circumcision).

Our congregation just isn't ready for you to shout out 'Bonsai' as you circumcise."

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The Duplex

 

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Falls

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 Beer

 thanks Liz Z

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Those Funny Animals

Turtles help each other

thanks Kitty L

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thanks Diane McV

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For the Baby Boomers!!!

ENJOY...........

Coming Soon to a home near you.

http://www.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1.235372.1243574086%21menu/standard/file/ny-walt-baby-boomers.swf

thanks Gordon H

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Yu Muroga was doing his job making deliveries when the 11 March 2011 earthquake hit in Japan.

 Unaware, like many people in the area, of how far inland the Tsunami would travel,

 he continued to drive and do his job

. The HD camera mounted on his dashboard captured not only the earthquake,

 but also the moment he and several other drivers were suddenly engulfed in the Tsunami.

 He escaped from the vehicle seconds before it was crushed by other debris and sunk underwater.

 His car and the camera have only recently been recovered by the police.

The camera was heavily damaged but a video expert was able to retrieve this footage.

thanks Toni

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The Right Word
An American man is riding a train in a European country.
 His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting.
The seatmate asks if the American has children.
The American says no.

“Ah, so sad,” says the European.
 “Your wife, she is impregnable?”
“Well, um, that’s not exactly the word,” says the American.
“Oh!” interrupts the European.
 “I mean, she is inconceivable?”
“Um, not quite –” the American begins,
 only to be interrupted again.
“Oh, no, that isn’t right,” says the European.
 “She is, what is it, she is unbearable?”
“Well, actually, that’s pretty much sums it up,” says the American



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High Blood Pressure

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Men

A young man and wife were having a discussion about their respective lovelives

 prior to their marriage ceremony.

 The man asks, "How many men had you slept with prior to marrying me?"

"Only one," she replied.

 "Now how about you?

How many women had you slept with prior to our wedding?"

The husband responded, "Only you, darling."

With an enthusiastic expression on her face, the woman asks,

 "Really?"

"Yes," the husband replies.

 "All the other women were too active during our lovemaking sessions to get ANY sleep."



thanks Kitty L

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thanks Jayne M

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watch all the way thru..including after the credits

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A woman from Hobart, who was a tree hugger and anti-hunter,

 purchased acres of timberland near the Franklin dam.

There was a huge tree on one of the highest points in the tract.

She wanted to view the natural splendor of her land, so she climbed the tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered an endangered spotted owl.

It attacked her!

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground.

The ensuing fall incurred several splinters of wood in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor, 35 minutes away.

She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter

and how she came to receive all of the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience.

He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help.

The impatient patient sat, and sat, and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?'

He smiled and said, 'Well, I had to get permits from National Parks and Wildlife, the National Forestry Agency and Tasmanian Workcover

 before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area.

I'm sorry, but they turned me down.'!

thanks Jayne M

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thanks Gordon H

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 PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.