462

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Can't take it with you

thanks Toni

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The school inspector is assigned to the Year 4 class in one of the 

local Brisbane state schools.

 He is introduced to the class by the teacher.

 She says to the class, "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are

 by allowing him to ask you a question".

The inspector reasons that normally class starts with religious instruction,

so he will ask a biblical question.

He asks :"Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

For a full minute there is absolute silence.

 The children all just stare at him blankly.

Eventually, little Bruce raises his hand.

The inspector excitedly points to him.

Bruce stands up and replies:

"Sir, I don’t know who broke down th walls of Jericho,

 but I can assure you it wasn't me".

Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer

 and looks at the teacher for an explanation.

Realizing that he is perturbed, the teacher says:

"Well, I've known Bruce since the beginning of the year,

and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it,

 then he didn't do it".

The inspector is even more shocked at this

and storms down to the principal's office and tells him what happened,

to which the principal replies :

 "I don't know the boy, but I socialize every now and then with his teacher,

and I believe her.

 If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent".

The inspector can't believe what he is hearing.

He grabs the phone on the principal's desk

and in a rage dials Julia Gillard’s telephone number

and rattles the entire occurrence to her and asks her what she thinks

 of the education standard in the State..

The PM sighs heavily and replies in her sheep-shearer's voice:

 "I don't know the boy, the teacher or the principal,

but just get three quotes and have the wall fixed!!"

thanks Gordon H

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Ride in an F/A 18 Hornet

Be sure to click on all 5 excerpts.

You have to click on each photo at the left to watch the scene.

http://alt.coxnewsweb.com/ajc/swf/blueangels/blueangels.swf

thanks Liz Z

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Army Kite Flying

thanks Kitty L

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Topical Cartoons

thanks Kitty L

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thanks Duke

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 Who's Next???

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-

thanks David T

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The Living Bridge

thanks Wayne W

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CLICK HERE

thanks Danny C

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A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty

 when he was given an opportunity to display hisability at getting the ship under way.

 With a stream of crisp commands,

he had the decks buzzing with men and soon,

the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.

The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable.

 In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record

 for getting a destroyer under way.

The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised

when another seaman approached him with a  message from the captain.

 He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message,

and he was even more surprised when he read:

"My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise

 according to the book and with amazing speed.

In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules --

 make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way

to avoid getting court-marshaled for stealing a ship."

thanks Toni

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Cool Video

Gotta like this



thanks Gordon H

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Those Funny Animals

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Elks

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Health & Safety Test

I failed a Health and Safety course at work today.

One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"

"F*&kin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

thanks Liz Z

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thanks Gordon H

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Texas Handguns

thanks Kitty L

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Seniors

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Small boy

A small boy stunned his parents when he began

to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters.

Finally his mother said,

 "Where did you get all that money?

"At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly

. "They have bowls of it."

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WalMart People

thanks Geoff C

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It was coming to the end of the day and sitting in his tiny near deserted local pub

 in Mt. Isa was an Aboriginal called Cactus.

He was having a few beers as usual when a short well dressed and obviously gay man

walked in and sat beside him.

After three or four beers, the gay man leaned over towards Cactus and whispered,

 "Do you want a blow job?"

Cactus leaped up with fire in his eyes knocked the gay man off his stool

 and smacked the shit out of him.

He dragged him out of the bar and left him bruised and battered in the car park

 and returned to his seat at the bar.

Not entirely amazed at what just happened the barman quickly brought over another beer

 to Cactus and said,

"I've never seen you react as badly as that before.

What did he say to you?"

"I don't know," Cactus replied..

 "Something about a job."

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Employee of the Month

thanks Jayne M

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Car Ads

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thanks Toni

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thanks Jayne M

THE IRISH BROTHEL

Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,

watching the front door of the brothel over the road.

 The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.

"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.

"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are!"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,

 knocks, and goes inside.

"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"

They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi

when they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.

"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.

"One of the girls must have died.”

thanks Jayne M

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 PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.