464
---------------------
Picture of the Day
----------
WHEN THE TIDE IS OUT, UNDER THE ICE.
Very interesting what natives have done for ages, you won't regret watching.
thanks Kitty L
-----------------------------------------
Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Saul, the banker, says to Morty,
"So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well."
Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid.
So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore.
After twenty minutes, he begins to tire.
Finally about fifty feet from shore,
Morty asks Saul,
"So, Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul replies,
"Morty, this is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"
----------------------------------
-----
This is the best fun you will have all week
Try it
You won’t believe what happens
after you draw a
stickman!!
thanks Kitty L
-------------------------------------
------
thanks Toni S
----------
Political Cartoons
------------------------
Food for thought
This is very good and you should watch it
thanks Kitty L
------------------
----------------------------
I'm good
thanks Liz Z
---------------------------------------
--
Those Funny Animals
Cute pictures
thanks Jayne M
----------------------------
Medieval town
Sheila and George were spending the first night of their honeymoon
in a quaint medieval town in France.
To add piquancy to the evening,
Sheila suggested coyly that they make love every time the old night watchman rang his hourly bell.
George smiled in delight at this prospect,
but four rings later he pretended that he had to go out to get some cigarettes
and staggered off to the watchman's tower.
"Listen, old man," he wheezed to that worthy,
"do me a favor, will you? For the rest of the night,
ring that bell of yours at two-hour intervals instead of hourly!"
"Ah," replied the ancient watchman, fingering his mustache,
"I would be happy to oblige, monsieur, but I cannot do this."
"Why not?" George demanded.
"I'll give you money, if that's what's troubling you!"
"Not at all," the old man responded.
"You see, a beautiful young lady has already bribed me to ring the bell every half hour."
-----------------------------------
What can you say!!!!!!
----
Ten reasons for being on Top
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN:
1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer.
3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour ozone-hole radiation the other half.
4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope.
5. You can go skiing in your knickers.
6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football.
7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
8. You don’t need to worry about land prices rocketing – its fairly spacious.
9. When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about killing polar bears and shagging penguins – and they believe you.
10. You can actually get bored with blondes.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week – whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH :
1. You ain’t English!
2. You ain’t English!
3. You ain’t English!
4. You ain’t English!
5. You ain’t English!
6. You ain’t English!
7. You ain’t English!
8. You ain’t English!
9. You ain’t English!
10. You ain’t English!
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history prior to 400BC.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend’s armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it’s the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bull’s testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :
1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Give them a second chance
1. Oktoberfest.
2. Okotberfest-beer.
3. BMW.
4. VW.
5. Audi.
6. Mercedes.
7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that would bring you to jail in any other country of the world.
8. You do not have to learn German as a foreign language.
9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious.
10.Contrary to common belief laughing is not forbidden by law (yet).
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN :
1. Chicken Madras.
2. Lamb Passanda.
3. Onion Bhaji.
4. Bombay Potato.
5. Chicken Tikka Masala.
6. Rogan Josh.
7. Popadoms.
8. Chicken Dopiaza.
9. Kingfisher lager.
10. Aggravate everyone else by shaking your head when talking.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
1. You’ve got to be having a laugh, haven’t you?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children because you can’t use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone’s road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in secon Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can’t have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don’t agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bar steward that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GREEK
1.You get to shout about your culture although the only real culture most Greeks have is what is growing between their toes.
2.The police are even more corrupt than the criminals they are supposed to be chasing.
3.You can blow your nose in the street by pinching it between the thumb and forefinger and trumpeting forth without everyone around wretching their stomach contents up at the sight.
4.Old women can sport moustaches.
5.Young women can sport moustaches.
6.Men can be hairier than the average grizzly bear and not get put in a zoo.
7.You get to call the bouzouki a musical instrument when the rest of the world sees it as an instrument of torture.
8.You are the only nation to have lost its marbles and still wants to let everyone else around the world know about it.
9.Ridiculous bureaucracy.
10.Nana Mouskouri and Demis Roussos
----------------------------------
-------------
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich,
'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order
'That will be $9.40 please,'
and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says
, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again.
'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.
When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress.
'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers,
'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
----------------
thanks Jayne M
-----
----------------
thanks Gordon H
-------
A fellow went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live.
So the fellow decided to talk to his pastor.
After the man explained his situation, he asked his pastor if there was anything he could do.
"What you should do is go out and buy a late 70's or early 80's model Dodge pickup," said the pastor.
"Then go get married to the meanest woman you can find,
and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma."
The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"
"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have seem like forever."
---------
thanks Toni S
----------------------
PHILS PHILOSOPHY
No comments:
Post a Comment