Phils Phun

514

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Mad Men and Rick Astley song

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Seniors

Growing Old Side Effects
1. Trying to wipe a hair off you lapel just to discover it is attached to your chin.

2. Leaving church, your husband stops to talk, you go on to the car; the gentleman behind the wheel ask, "Are you going home with me today?"

3. You turn your left turn signal on and leave it on all day.

4. Non-life threatening skin growths large enough to name after a pet or relative begin to appear.

5. Your neck tissue takes on a life of it own. So, you are afraid to leave the house during Thanksgiving week.

6. You drive up to a curb side mailbox and order a cheeseburger and fries.

7. You enter the car wash from the wrong way and don't understand why the lady in the other car is yelling at you; you are just as surprised to see her as she is to see you.

8. Putting your Dillard's bill in the collection plate by mistake.

9. Leave the house to discover you have on a mismatched pair of earrings. Return to house and change earrings, leaving the house with the other set of mismatched earrings on.

10. Try to exercise by jogging, but it just makes the wine spill out of your glass all over the place

Joe had been quite the ladies man and player all his life, but now that he was getting up there in age, his doctor was getting concerned about him.

"Joe," advised the doctor, "I can add 15 more years to your life if you will just quit your old routine of wine, women, and song."

Joe thought for a few minutes, then said, "Tell you what doc, I'll settle for five more years and just give up singing."

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Topical

The Canada Party

thanks David T

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Capitalism	He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishna	He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism	He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican	They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox	No, they were OURS first.
Branch Davidians	He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism	There is no toy maker.
Polytheism	There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism	The toys made themselves.
Church of Christ, Scientist	We are the toys.
Communism	Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.
B'Hai	All toys are just fine with us.
Amish	Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
Taoism	The doll is as important as the dump truck.
Mormonism	Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
Voodoo	Let me borrow that doll for a second.
Hedonism	To heck with the rule book!? Let's play!
Hinduism	He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
7th Day Adventist	He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
Church of Christ	He whose toys make music, loses.
Baptist	Once played, always played.
Jehovah's Witnesses	He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism	He whose toys can talk, wins.
Existentialism	Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism	Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalism	We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
Agnosticism	It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
Apathy	Toys? What do I need toys for?
Judaism	I'm selling. You buying?
First Kinky Church	You bet your ass we got Toys.
First American Church	We play Only with cowboy toys.
Church of Scientology	Toys 'R Us.

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Those Funny Animals

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Photos taken at the Shamattawa dump in Manitoba

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The people of Walmart

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100 video clips in 3 minutes

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Defendant: "Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer."
Judge: "And why is that?"
Defendant: "Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case."
Judge (to Public Defender): "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?"
Public Defender: "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening..."

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