558

Top Secret Drum Corps performs at the Edinburgh Military Tattoo in 2012. 

Top Secret Drum Corps is a precision drum corps

 based in Basel, Switzerland 

and consists of 25 drummers and color guard members.

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Thanks Kitty L

Its a wonderful World

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Those Funny Animals

Smart Dog

The Cat Diary

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A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco 

when he saw a seafood restaurant

 and a sign on the Specials Board which read,

 "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."

Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress,

 "$5 each for lobster tails, is that correct?"

"Yes," she said, "It's our special just for today."

"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "It's the really big lobster."

Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails -

 and a little bit tough?"

"No," she said, "it's the really big red lobster."

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed.

 "They must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails -

 $5 each?", he repeated, astounded.

"Yes," she insisted.

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said,

 "I'll take one.

She took the money and led him to a table 

where she invited him to sit down.

She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder,

 leaned over close to him and said,

 "Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster..."

PHACTS

A fly was buzzing along one morning when he saw a lawn mower 

someone had left out in their front yard.

 He flew over and sat on the handle,

 watching the children going down the sidewalk on their way to school. 

One little boy tripped on a crack and fell,

 spilling his lunch on the sidewalk

. He picked himself up, put his lunch back in the bag and went on.

 But he missed a piece of bologna. 

The fly had not eaten that morning and he sure was hungry.

 So he flew down and started eating the bologna.

 In fact he ate so much that he could not fly, 

so he waddled across the sidewalk, 

across the lawn, up the wheel of the lawn mower, up the handle, 

and sat there resting and watching the children.

 There was still some bologna laying there on the sidewalk

. He was really stuffed, but that baloney sure did look good

. Finally temptation got the best of him and he jumped off the handle 

of the lawn mower to fly over to the baloney

. But alas he was too full to fly and he went splat!!,

 killing him instantly. 

The moral of the story: 

Don't fly off the handle when you are full of baloney.

Once upon a time, in ancient Greece,

 there lived a young man named Benny. 

Benny was a really great guy  he just had one fault

 (and it's really not all that bad of a fault)!

 He loved beautiful women. 

He was fascinated by them. 

Blondes, brunettes, red heads, you name it!

 If she was beautiful, he was enamored! 

Well, Benny, as he grew older, began to fear that perhaps 

beautiful women would no longer be attracted to him.

 He became very concerned. 

Extremely concerned. 

He began to ponder this dilemma. 

And he came up with a plan. 

He thought he might call upon the gods,

 beseeching them to grant him eternal life on earth. 

And that's exactly what he did. 

He prayed to the gods for many months. 

And then one day alighting bolt came flashing down

 and a voice boomed out of the heavens, 

"What can we do for you, Benny?" 

Well, Benny was elated. 

The gods had finally made their presence known.

 Benny immediately spoke up, 

"Please grant me eternal life on earth,

 that I might not become old but stay forever young." 

There ensued a silence from above about ten minutes to be exact.

 And then the voice spoke forth saying,

 “We will grant you eternal life on earth on one condition.

 You must NEVER shave again! 

Because if you do, 

you will immediately be turned into a Grecian urn!" 

Frankly, Benny was shocked!

 What a strange arrangement! 

So he pondered it a bit, thinking to himself that it wasn't a hard arrangement.

 He could certainly go without shaving for the rest of his life, 

forever, actually. 

That's not much to give up to obtain eternal youth, forever. 

It really only took him about five minutes to make up his mind.

 He replied, "Okay. It's a deal." 

More lighting bolts flashed and then the heavens were quiet.

 And Benny was ecstatic! 

Well, years went by.

 Not just a few years. Hundreds of years

. And Benny never grew any older.

 He maintained his youth. Except for one thing. 

He was growing an exceedingly long white beardY!

 Really long. As you can well imagine. 

Most of the women, because he still looked so young,

 were still attracted to Benny. 

Except for one very beautiful red head.

 He wasn't able to gain her affections because she responded 

most adversely to his long, white beard. 

He tried everything to win her heart. 

But to no avail. 

She made it quite clear that she detested his beard. 

Benny was in agony. 

He truly loved this red head. 

And he began to think within himself, 

"It's been hundreds of years since I made that agreement with the gods

. I'll bet they have forgotten the deal."

 And the more he thought about it,

 the more he convinced himself that so much time had elapsed 

that the gods weren't even around any more.

 (Bad pondering, Benny.) 

So he finally made up his mind.

 He went to the store, purchased a razor, came home,

 entered his bathroom, and with a few swift strokes of his hand,

 he shaved off his long, white beard! 

And Kazam! 

He was instantly turned into a Grecian urn! 

Which just goes to show you,

 a Benny shaved is a Benny urned! 

Surfing Alaska Style

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POSTERS

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THINGS THAT CAN DRIVE A SANE PERSON INSANE

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

It's bad enough that you step in dog poop,

 but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug.

The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror

 and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.

You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.

You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes

, drifts and spits every time you move away.

There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket

 and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary 

because you don't know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor

 and smash your head on the way up.

An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup for the wife.

They spotted a piano in the lobby and thought, “Why not!”  

They've been married for 62 years, and he'll be 90 this year.

Fran & Marlo Cowan playing impromptu recital together in the atrium of the Mayo Clinic.

 The song is Old Grey Bonnet

Blasts from the past

The girl with a unique voice 

Melanie Safka

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Topical

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Mercedes advert

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Wayout Wacky Facts

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Chinese wedding Proposal.....

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the modern world !!!

Texting Lemmings

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WOW

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Awesome pictures from the Internet

This Weeks Signs

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Miscellaneous

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Oh...Shirt

  off the coast of Exmouth

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PHILS PHILOSOPHY

Playing for change

have to agree with this.......

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Disclaimer

All posts, jokes, stories, cartoons, photos and videos on this site

are understood to be in the public domain.

If you hold the copyright to any of them and would like me to remove them,

please contact Phil at philco@iinet.net.au.