Phils Phun

65

Any body home??

Its almost the weekend again
We can't talk about the footy anymore
Perhaps we can have a go at the Indian cricket team who are playing the Aussies
[ in India] in the best of seven limited overs games
Or we could get stuck into the Poms who play the Aussies this weekend in a
Quarter final of the World Rugby Union Cup

Subject: England rugby team investigated by Police
England rugby practice was delayed for two hours this afternoon after a player reported finding a white powdery substance on the practice ground.
Head coach Ashton immediately suspended practice while the police were called to investigate.
After a complete forensic search Scotland Yard determined that the white stuff which was unknown to the players was in fact the try line.
Practice was continued as police were happy the players were unlikely to encounter the substance again.
[thanks Jim King]

Anyway ,have a great weekend

Very clever and totally hilarious
The Mum song...to the tune of The William Tell Overture

Nick the Dragon Slayer
Nick the Dragon Slayer had a compelling obsession to nuzzle the
beautiful Queen's voluptuous bosom, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague,
Horatio,the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor.
Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer
to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and
poured a tiny amount into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed.
Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident,
Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that the only antidote
to such an itch was contained in a rare type of saliva.
The agent acted slowly and only if it was applied continuously for four hours.
Tests had shown that only one person in the kingdom produced this rare agent,
and that was Nick the Dragon Slayer.
The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.
Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote
for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth,and for the next four hours,
Nick dedicatedly worked on the Queen's magnificent bosom.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved,
and Nick the Dragon Slayer left her presence and was touted by the King as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician
demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less,
and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King,
shooed him away with no recompense.
The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder into the King's underpants.
The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer....
[pinched from the Rotary club of Maddington's bulletin...thanks Gordon Hamilton]
----------------------------

[The following 4 cartoons were sent in by Franziska Forrer...thanks]

Mr. Wallace, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Wallace,

"My Private Part' died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a
little crazy, she replied,

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace please accept my condolences."
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall
with his 'Private Part' hanging out of his pajamas,

when he met Nurse Tracy.

"Mr. Wallace," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.

Please put your 'Private Part back inside your pajamas."
"But Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Wallace,

"I told you yesterday that my 'Private Part' died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?"

(You're gonna love this .)

"Well", he replied,
"Today's the viewing."
[another one from Jim King]